A few years ago, I left my very abusive and violent ex with our two children. Over the years he has seen the kid's on a regular (once a week/fort night) basis but doesn't support them financially. However the verbal and psychological abuse still occurs now and again. I've done my best to limit it and to put more distance between us but it hasn't worked.
He now has a new girlfriend on the scene and suddenly the abuse has increased. I just dropped the kid's off to his place but he refused to come out to tell me a time to pick them up. I tried calling his phone but he ignored my call at first. Then he rang me back and was so abusive over the phone. He was yelling and swearing at me and just generally putting me down. So I took the kid's home. I feel bad that they are missing out on time with their dad but at the same time I don't want them around that behavior. They have already been exposed to so much domestic violence. I thought I was doing the right thing but now I feel so guilty.
Have I done the wrong thing?
Have I done the wrong thing?
Posted in:
Parenthood Guilt
5 Replies
I think you did the right thing under the circumstances.
However it’s time to get things sorted out properly so you don’t have to have these fights. Organise mediation, and in your parenting plan have set times for exchanges, set locations etc. that way there is no reason to get into these fights. You can also have exchanges done by a 3rd party or in neutral locations to lower the risk.
Pay for that parenting plan to be ratified by the courts.
You have absolutely done the right thing, to put it bluntly. You don’t want the kids around him when he is in that frame of mind and who knows if he will give them back in that state? Don’t ever feel guilty, they’re good at making you feel that way but from an outsiders perspective, which we sometimes need to feel validated in our actions, you made a totally rational and fair decision in the best interests of your kids. I’m sure you would love the break, you aren’t punishing him either, you are simply doing what is right for your kids.
100% you did the right thing.
It’s hard when you’re in that situation to see that you’re not the one always at fault, because you get told time and time again that you are. Good on you for protecting your kids x
Do not feel guilty! You did the right thing and the responisble thing and protected your children and kept them safe and away from violence.
But its time to protect them in the future too. Every time you leave your kids there, they will be witnessing the violence between him and his girlfriend. As someone said above, time to have things set out properly so your not in the position where your copping the abuse and the kids are witnessing it and if that means he only sees them somewhere other than his home and for a few hours rather than whole weekends, then so be it. Surely it would be betterr quality time if there is no violence for the kids to be scared of.
Xxxx well done for stepping up
Thank you for all the advice. I have started legal proceedings and I will be getting a parenting order put in place. Unfortunately things took a turn for the worse a few days after this incident and my ex turned up to my house uninvited and let himself in. He threatened to kill me in front of the kid's. The police were called and he was arrested and charged.
I would just like to point out that I want nothing more than my children to have a positive relationship with their dad. Unfortunately they are afraid of him when he is like that. I just want what is best for them. Perhaps I did the wrong thing by taking them home but would you leave your children there if they were scared?