Hello ladies. I am a 38 year old single mom of a 7 year old, and I've been single since she was born, and it's really starting to get to me. She keeps telling me she would love to have a baby brother or baby sister, but I tell her I have to have a boyfriend first lol. She gets kind of sad about it, that she's an only child. There are a few single men in my town, and some are single dads, but I'm just not attracted to anybody. I'm starting to think that I am meant to be single :( And I keep thinking that where I have been single for so long, I wouldn't know what to do or how to act if I were to get in a relationship now.
I went out to a restaurant with a family member a while ago, and I told my daughter that I was going on a date, and to my surprise, she got really excited for me. I asked her why she acted like that, and she said "Because I need a new dad", and she was about to cry :'( Her father is not in her life. She sees him once a year. No phone calls, no FaceTime...nothing, except the occasional Christmas or birthday gift. My daughter is starting to see what he is really like. And for my daughter to be excited like that, it also makes me sad. I don't know if I'll ever be ready for a relationship :( Any advice?
Single life pressure
Single life pressure
Posted in:
Relationships & Marriage, Parenthood Guilt
4 Replies
You don't need a partner to have another baby, there's lots of options out there if YOU actually want one.
For now, I would stress to your daughter that she does not need a dad. This is not a necessity but it's obviously something important to her. There's organisations out there that offer a male role model for children (I think it's called Big Brothers and Sisters or something) who can give her the interaction she is desiring. As for wanting a sibling, is she a bit lonely being an only child? Can she interact and socialise more with other children and adults more frequently to stop this longing? Or even venturing to a playgroup with younger kids as well (my son goes to one where it's babies, toddlers, older kids and the elderly).
IF it were to ever happen and you find a man, just go with the flow. Don't try and be someone you aren't, go about your life as usual and slowly introduce him to your daughter as it seems she would become overly attached quite soon. Things fall into place and if it's meant to be, you'll find someone.
But it is okay to be alone and be a single child.
Wow, thank you so much, that sure means a lot :) Yes, she can interact with other kids, she even goes to other kids house sometimes after school. And she LOVES babies! Sometimes when we go out, we'll see a baby and she's is awe lol. And yes, I'm sure she would get attached very quickly IF I were to find someone. I keep telling her, that even though her father isn't active in her life, I'm here for her. Anything she needs, come to me, and she knows that.
Thank you so much for your reply, I really appreciate it :)
Do you have close family? Like your Dad or brother? Or your uncle that came be a male father figure in your daughters life? And what about cousins? Or friends with kids her age? Or even neighbours you can have a cuppa and visit with.
Don't need to have a man to be a good parent.
Oh believe me, I know that :) But it's the loneliness too on my part, it really sucks :(