My husband has 2 early teenage children from a previous relationship. There has always been small doubt on my husband's behalf over the paternity of 1 of the children, but it's never been brought up with the Mother.
Anyway, yesterday I was putting away washing from his children's weekend visit at ours and I came across a notebook on a shelf. I opened it up and started flicking through the pages (I am well aware that this isn't right on my behalf and I shouldn't have even looked at it, hence my dilemma over what to do next). I came across a page with writing that had been scribbled out yet I could still make out what was underneath. It named another person (unknown to us) as the child's Dad. "I like my Dad ...... I go to church with him". They've never stepped foot in a church with their Father (my husband).
I am unsure whether to bring this up with my husband or the child first or even the Mother? Or whether I just forget what I read. It is really bothering me and I know I will most likely lose trust with these children as I looked through their book, but I also want to do the right thing. Help!
10 Replies
Could it be a father from the church, as in the title? Father Chris??? And his little brain got confused and thought oh so if I call him father that must mean he is my dad??
Did they have a step dad that they called Dad?
My partner has 3 boys and there have always been rumours about his middle son not being his and as this son has hit puberty and is now 16, the rumours are becoming more believable. He looks nothing like either parent and is a foot taller than his Dad. He does look a lot like the guy who is rumoured to have fathered him. My partner will never get him tested, he has 3 boys as far as he is concerned. He was raised with his brothers as a family and a paternity test will provide nothing but confusion for his son. Nothing will change. He is his Dad.
OP
They do have a step dad, but not the same name as written in the book. I guess the church theory could be correct, but I'm almost totally sure that they don't go to church. I don't want to open a can of worms as my husband would be devastated but he himself has made comments in the past about the child maybe not being his own
It's a bit of writing in a kids book, if I took seriously every thing my kids wrote in their note books I'd be in real strife 😂😂
I think you should put the scribble out of your mind but if there's always been a bit of doubt pertaining this child's paternity, I'd encourage your husband to consider seeking a DNA test but it sounds like it's already something he may have had to think about. Maybe he's just decided paternity doesn't change his fatherly feelings towards to child so take that into consideration.
I'd talk to him about it but you can lead a horse to water but you can't make it drink.
If your husband won't ask the ex for a DNA test theres not alot you can do.
My partners unsure if he is actually bio Dad but he refuses to do a DNA test. I have my thoughts about it but it's ultimately his choice.
What does it matter if they're biologically related or not?
They are obviously bonded as a parent and child. If your partner has doubt about the paternity but hasn't actually followed it up its pretty obvious he doesnt really want to know. I think you should leave it alone.
Better off not knowing to be honest. Finding out the child he raised isn't him would crush him. FYI, he can order a DNA test with hair or spit. It's testing against himself so no one would know it was happening except him my mate did it. Thankfully, kid he was convinced wasn't his was.
I’d leave well alone. If he wanted to know he’d know by now.
Exactly!
He clearly knows it's a possibility this kid may not biologically be his, obviously he's decided it doesn't matter to him either way.
I do think the child has a right to know though but that's a whole new can of worms, one mum needs to open because she's the only one who'd know for sure.
Casually ask if your husband knows this person?
Say you were cleaning and dropped a book, and at a quick glance saw that name mentioned and they take his kid to church?
As if you wouldn’t tell your husband, let him work it out and decide what to do. It’s def not something to keep from him. He doesn’t need to let on to the kids how he found out.