Please no harsh words. I'm really needing a confidence boost today. I'm ten months out of an emotionally abusive marriage (narcissist). I left and moved into my parents house with my 4yo child, to get myself back on my feet. In some ways I've come so far, ive got a great new job and outwardly seem like I'm kicking goals but on the inside i still feel so claustrophobic. My parents are quite controlling (hence not noticing it in my ex until it was too late) and i just feel like I've hit a wall today. Im still too scared to engage a lawyer re my marriage bc my ex says he will get me the info i need to sort things out financially but he hasnt (i asked him months ago). I just hate engaging with him and still hold that stupid hope that we can finalise things amicably. I need the money to buy a house and leave my parents. They still occassionally comment on how it "takes two to tango" and dont really believe my ex us as bad as I say (though on the surface support my decision) - which is so hurtful. I feel like I've jumped from one jail to another but cant work up the courage to take that final step and put the nail in the coffin of our marriage. I just want to be free finally but somehow cant see the light today (my father was being horrible today and its just pushed me into this mood). To top it off, my son loves being with his dad more than me (he lives on a huge property which my son finds much more fun). Its like a stake to my heart when he says this after all the emotional abuse i endured from his father. Sometimes i just think about running away from it all. I know this isnt an option or a responsible parenting move but its just how i feel. Please give me some words of advice/reassurance that i can get through this.
Feel like I'm drowning in my life
Feel like I'm drowning in my life
Posted in:
Relationships & Marriage, Mental Health, Self Care, Parenthood Guilt, Kids
3 Replies
Oh I have been there, except that my parents are mentally unwell so it was very dysfunctional living with them! I used to cry in the shower every night. But as I found somewhere to rent, the kids and I felt less suffocated and I was able to not be so tense.
I was so exhausted, that when the kids went with their dad overnight once a month I slept the entire time despite my efforts to stay awake. I obviously needed it but I felt like I missed out on any enjoyment for myself or downtime as I was either parenting or sleeping. It took me a few years to get settled (but I had many other obstacles) and I think you will too, as soon as you create your own space, routines and systems, boundaries and new friendships.
I keep my life completely separate from my ex with very firm boundaries, even with the kids still seeing him overnight once a month. The kids like going to their vacation dad (as I see it) and come back completely out of sorts and it really isn’t fair that I do all the hard work and he just swoops in every now and then to be fun. But I think my kids will appreciate the situation more when they’re older. Your kids need and want you even if they don’t say it.
You can do this 😉
Honey, get a lawyer ASAP. You hold your future in your hands and you are the only one who needs to sort it out. Rent a place for a while, sort your head out and you’ll know exactly what to do without anyone dictating you. You need to do this for yourself and your child.
He is a narcissist so don’t leave anything in his hands with the house and finance. Do things your way and get some legal things sorted with your son. You need to break free from your parents too. Try and find a furnished apartment or somewhere cheap to go. Your son doesn’t mean what he says he is a kid don’t take it to heart. If your husband was a narcissist then he would be like that to your son. Take small steps but don’t let the narcissist have control. The only way to deal with a narcissist is get one step ahead of him and limit contact. get court orders in place for your son without him knowing because he is probably already up to something himself. Take your son out and do some fun things on weekends, playground, movies. I’m sure he loves being with you just as much as his dad. It’s tome to deal with this narcissist and get ahead of him. Out smart him. Maybe get yourself come councilling. I know it’s hard but ignore the parents your comments make. a narcissist has everyone fooled. the only fool is the narcissist himself. Find your self a cheap 2 bedroom places and create a happy home for you and your baby.