So every time I think about xmas coming up i get sick to the stomach, reason being we have no family that cares about us . My hubby and I both have siblings and nieces and nephews that we've loved and shown it over the years , fast forward to us having our own kids and they are literally ignored by everyone . Not even so much as a text message from anyone on their bday , I would call my fam on theirs 1st thing in the morning and everyone would always go out to dinner. I stopped seeing my fam xmas day a couple of years ago when everyone showed up at my place with gifts for every kid except mine . This year my hubbys fam are doing the same . Our kids are the youngest on both sides and for years we have bought gifts for all kids until they were adults , mine not only get nothing but have to sit their while everyone else does .
My mil hasnt even spoken to our kids all year ! I've called and asked her to dinner , lunch , the movies, kids bdays , hubbys bday and she's come to none !
I don't know what to do about xmas , I honestly don't even know how everything has gotten so bad . My kids aren't angels , Both are teenagers now , my oldest has recieved pupil of the Year a couple of times so they can't be that bad surely. I'm absolutely gutted for them .
Soooo ideas for just us for xmas ??
Signed a really sad mumma .
Ps we are camping over new year so can't go away , although thats what id love to do.
Christmas Day
Christmas Day
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Sisterhood Stories
13 Replies
Just have Christmas at your house by yourselves.
Stay home and enjoy it. Splash out on all the good food and drinks and a family game. Go out for a family walk or relax in the afternoon. With kids old enough to entertain themselves, it would be a nice day.
If it were one family, I’d say stay away, toxic and dysfunctional, but it is both sides.
It is absolutely possible that you have ended up with two bad families or you (or your family) could be the common denominator
Maybe an honest self reflection may be in order?
Are you the family who thinks their better than everyone else?
Your kids are better than theirs?
Do you brag or show off?
Is the conversation always centred around you and your kids?
Are your kids spoilt and obnoxious?
These are some things I’ve noticed people tend to distance themselves from. If people make you feel good about yourself, they are magnetic and the opposite applies if you make people feel inferior.
Anyway, as I don’t know you, I’m not giving an opinion, just giving you some possibilities.
🙄
My kids get ignored by one of my SIL and her family for birthdays and every second xmas. The Xmas they are here they fall all over us! It makes me sick! So fake!
They buy them gifts when they see them and show affection when with them. How is that fake? That seems genuine to me getting caught up in materialism?
Actually they don’t get acknowledged at all! Not materialistic to ask for a card or phone call on their birthdays some interest in their little lives... some acknowledgment that they exist apart from every second xmas!!
Have Christmas how you want it. Extend your camping holiday and go for a week, get all your favourite things and be happy to not have to cater to the tastes, whims and dramas of big gatherings. My family is a bit shit but my inlaws, OMG. Their house is open at Christmas for everyone and we have had many of our friends over the past 20 years come out and join the shenanigans when they found themselves with no where else to go, one of our mates has been coming up every one of those 20 years with his kids ( 3 hour drive) and we always get a little gift for the kids for when they arrive. There's a pool, cubby house, blow up water slide, go karts and small motorbikes to keep the kids happy all day (and the big kids AKA the dads). Look around amongst your friends, do any have the same kind of day that you could join in? Don't let either family see you being miserable over the holidays due to being excluded, get out there and give your kids the Christmas you want them to have.
As a family who has spent every Xmas for the past 15yrs with extended family, either hosting or being at another family memebers house I would love a Xmas by ourselves just our family. We have never ever done it. Do it just for yourselves. Enjoy the day with just with your immediate family unit.
Christmas isn't about presents. It's about family (and god if you are religious). I only buy gifts for people I'm actually seeing. It has nothing to do with how much I love someone and everything to do with my not placing value on commercialism. Likewise for birthdays of my nieces and nephews. If I see them, they get a gift but not otherwise. But I do other things on occasion... Like flowers at ballet concerts or contributing to the cost of a musical instrument so they get a reasonable quality etc. I think if you just focus on time, not gifts you won't get upset. I also don't call everyone for their birthdays... But then again, I forget when my own is coming up. Because what I want is a hug and nice meal with my kids and hubby.... Or a coffee in bed while we watch a cartoon or something. Maybe accept that your way of showing your love differs from theirs. Meanwhile, quiet Christmas days can be amazing. So if you want it, go for it. Just do it because you want to, not because you are feeling hurt.
Time to make your own family traditions!
Take your family and go on a holiday!! Talk to your teenagers and see what they think!! They'll appreciate the effort.
If also be having a conversation with your family. See where the communication has gone wrong. Tell them you're hurt by their actions. They may not even know they have done something to hurt you.
We do a big secret Santa in our family. Then no one misses out and it takes the massive cost factor away as well.
My partner's family is his mum and dad and sister. Their relatives lived in different towns. For Christmas they would go to the beach and have lunch, just the 4 of them.
Do you, hubby or even the kids have any friends without any family close or that are not spending time with other relatives? Why not just invite friends and host your own Christmas. Then you will be with people who actually want to spend time with your family
I have no family, parents are dead and only sibling is a psycho that we have no contact with for our own safety.
Hubby had his mum and sisters, but they hated me. As soon as the youngest sister had kids our kids existed only on Christmas Day.
We called one of the sisters the Christmas present Nazi. She would chose an expensive present for each of her kids (over $100 each) and order you to buy that the whole time saying she had really good presents for your kids (she gave our kids and the other sisters kids $3 chocolate stockings).
The last Christmas we spent with the extended “family”, we were ordered to pay money for lunch and bring soft drinks, nibbles and desserts. The present nazi picked out expensive gifts for her kids and put her orders in stating that she had some “really great” presents for our kids and the other sisters kids.
The kids were fed party pies for lunch with cordial to drink and ice blocks for dessert (hardly a Christmas meal). We let the Christmas present nazi think her kids were getting super expensive presents and gave them a pool noodle each ($3 each). She spent $3 each on our kids and the other sisters kids. I swear steam came out of her ears when her kids unwrapped pool noodles 😂.
The following year and every year since we have only bought for our own kids and we have done our own Lunch and Dinner.
It’s less stress and more fun, the way it should be.