Here comes another Christmas. Another Christmas where I just feel taken for granted by every one.
But the one thing that upsets me most, is listening to my children who are teenagers and a tween talk about everything they want to get for their Dad. We have been separated for eight years. He barely makes any effort to see them. But they think the world of him. I said I'm happy to give them money so they can get him something. Unfortunately I can only afford $20. Which they got very angry at me about. But the bit that hurts, they never want to get me anything. I don't want or expect anything. This happens every year. I've jokingly said to them before, what are they getting me, but they all just laugh. One time my eldest said "Nothing, you're just a mum"I give them everything. Their father, nothing. Just having a vent. How do I get over feeling so sulky over something of no real importance?
Unappreciated.
Unappreciated.
Posted in:
Relationships & Marriage, Parenthood Guilt
10 Replies
You love them regardless. They feel like they need to spoil him to get that love. As a child of divorce, I guarantee you that the tides will turn once they have children. For now, they have blinkers on.
Do you have someone that can talk to them. They need to pull their heads in! Interesting to know why they feel that way, do they see him and hear that he gives you money and pays for everything?
That just a mum comment would have had serious consequences in this house. F that attitude!!! Even the way you've said unfortunately I can only give... you don't need to apologise for that! It's not a joke that theyre not getting you anything and theyre assy with it. I would advise you to stop giving at all to any of them. And make sure you give big to yourself this Christmas!
It’s because you’re always there for them . Kids don’t see the real value in a person who is always there . If you were gone tomorrow they’d be guttered to the core . It’s because they’ve already got you .
I provided everything for my own Mother’s Day for my five young adult children one year . The food , the picnic venue , the pick up and drop offs . I spent hours preparing plates of food by myself . I loaded and unloaded the car alone while my kids just sat there talking .
They
showed up via a ride with me , not once said happy mother’s day , got me no gift , not even a card , they ate all the food and then relied on me again to drive them home to their respective homes while I went to my own home and washed all my dishes alone . Another year they wanted to take me out to lunch for mother’s Day and proceeded to pay for their own lunches while I bought my own . I had tears in my eyes over the selfishness of both those times . I never held my own Mother’s Day again . If they don’t do it for me then I don’t have one anymore .
I got tears in my eyes reading your post. That is horribly selfish and most of all thoughtless, I'm sure you deserve more xx
Buy yourself a present. You deserve it. Make your kids earn their $20 for a present for their Dad. You don't even have to give them anything but you are and that shows how awesome you are! Hopefully one day they realise it.
If I had kids that are I would sit them down and have a chat.
Explain to them that you want them to think about you and something you would like.
Sometimes it's hard for us to see our parents as humans and it takes us pointing it out. Tell them you feel excluded and you need them to be more thoughtful when it comes to christmas/birthdays/mother's day ect. Let them know that just because you don't express it doesn't mean you don't want to be appreciated a little.
As far as their dad goes..... they'll see him for what he is don't worry. They'll know you're the rock and the backbone.
Do they earn pocket money? This year they can use that instead of expecting you to pay.
The first few years after I split from my ex, I would get my boys to paint or draw a picture for their father. I stopped because he didn’t do the same for me. My parents would take my boys shopping for me for Christmas and my birthday. Mother’s Day they would get me something at the Mother’s Day stall at school. My boys are now old enough to wander the shops together to find something for me. They are given a set amount to spend, and they can put it together to get a bigger present or get something just from themselves.
Stop giving them money to get dad something. Take the money you would normally give them and buy something for yourself. Wrap it up and put it under the tree then make a big deal of unwrapping it on Christmas Day. Show them your feelings! Let them see how much their attitude is hurting you. When they question why they aren’t getting money to spend on dad, ask them how much he is giving them to spend on you. They are old enough to understand the unfairness of the situation. Perhaps only give them one small present each this year. When they question it, tell them they don’t appreciate you so why should you do something super special for them.
Maybe they don't know how good they have it.
Dear imperfect mumma, im sorry that you are undervalued. But please know, you extremely loved and adored and they wouldn't know what to do if they didn't have you. But unfortunately, their appreciation might only show when you are gone. And that's very sad. It's time to set the record straight and TELL those kids who is "Mum" and what it stands for! You are the most important thing in their lives and they need to know and appreciate that. And if they don't because just maybe you don't have a good relationship with them, then it's time to fix it. Have a good talk. And demand some respect. Life is too short to feel worthless and unhappy 💕💕 ps: Good on you for being the better half and offering to give them money to buy a gift for their dad 👏🏻 but maybe give them an example of this, ask them how much is their dad giving them to buy something for you. And if they say nothing then ask why should you give any money then.