I am sitting here in tears as once again my 12yo girl hasn't eaten a thing at school. This has gone on for years. She has always been in the bottom percentile for her weight. She was failure to thrive baby born at 36wks and weighed 4lbs/1815gms. She is now 170cm, weighs 31.2 kgs and has a bmi of 10.7.
I ordered a lunch order today but no one went to get it so she had no lunch. She had plenty of food in her lunch box for snacks but has eaten none.
The teachers tell me she doesn't do her work and is easily distracted but day after day she sits there and eats nothing while every other kid in her class sits there and eats. She constantly lies about eating and hides her lunch in her room. Her room is a mess and when I sit there and make her clean it I find several moldy sandwiches hiding. By time she's home and I cook dinner she has a small serving and most times won't even eat all that but come 9-10pm suddenly she's hungry and wants fruit. It's not that she's starving herself, she will eat if we go out and at times will eat heaps. I'm at my wits end. We have an appt with her paed next week. I am currently not working so my budget is low but I try my hardest to buy her things for her lunchbox she will eat. I waste so much money throwing food away. I don't think she is anorexic as she does eat and I am aware of anorexic behaviours I worked in the kitchens at a hospital and have seen how their habits are.
I just don't know what to do. I'm at a loss and it hurts my heart. I've shouted, sworn, cried and had heartfelt conversations but all she says is OK and that's it. It's just me and her and if she got sick it would kill me. What can I do??? Please I'm at my end of rope.
11 Replies
Could you try switching out meals for say an up and go and a smoothie for lunch? Not the answer however it’s something at least :)
I was this child and now I’m in my late 20s and overweight with a BMI of 28 sadly. I was never given the right nutritional advice so good on you mumma for caring enough!
I agree with swapping for smoothies, lots of dairy. There are also weight gaining shakes you can get from the chemist. Hopefully the pead can prescribe something to increase her appetite, she should be twice her weight at that height. Good luck x
Have u had bloods done and checked her iron levels? My kids wouldn't eat much until they got there iron levels back up in normal range. Then their appetite grew a bit. I'd def be getting full bloods done if u havent already to start.
A dietician may also be another option to look into
This was me as a child and still to this day, I'm in my mid 30s, 167cm and 48kg after 2 kids. My mum pulled her hair out aswell and tried everything as an adult I havr tried everything too. I just don't get hungry very often so have had to train myself to eat. There is a weight smoothy you can get from the supermarket that you can try and also try not to push her too hard. Maybe get her to try smaller meals more often and take her shopping with you so she can help. Also get her to help with meal prep and cooking/baking to help her get an interest with food.
Also take her to a dr to make sure there is nothing else going on.
Hard one for you but good luck x
I was like this. Yes embarrassing to remember but I hid my sandwiches. If the teaches saw me try to throw them out so my mum didn't get mad I got in trouble. If my mother found them in my bag so the teachers wouldn't get mad I got in trouble. If I hid them I got in trouble. I would lie to my teachers sometimes and say I had no lunch but it was really coz my bag stank and I didn't want anyone to find out I still had a few old sandwiches in there. If the teachers caught me trying to throw out that days lunch they made me eat it in front of them which made me sick because I just didn't want to eat. Yes this all sound super gross but let me explain it. Because no matter what I did made people mad I became overwhelmed and didn't eat even if I was hungry. The more you push a child to eat the less they will. Getting too upset over food actually can cause eating disorders. I have only just started eating lunch in the last few years due to all the pressure to eat during the day as a child. I never pressured my son when he stopped eating at kindy and he began eating again with no issue. Now he eats at school fine. The pressure to eat might also be effecting your daughters eating habits at home. Try to make sure she has a healthy breakfast and dinner and just put a few snacks in her bag. Fruit and nibbles and make sure you empty it at home later and don't bring up if she ate or not. Just quietly empty the bag and talk to her about how her day was. That's how I wish my mum had handled it. Also don't make her eat that days food as punishment. Make her something else. Try making smoothies. You can pack alot of nutrients in them. One in the morning and one after school
My daughter went through this about 3 years ago it is a hard thing to battle. I in the end had to have her hospitalised which is horrible but it is a mental health issue and a form of control. We live in Brisbane and went through the Cyhmes unit at the Queensland childrens hospital (Lady Cilento) she is now a healthy body weight and doing well but it is a form of eating disorder.
No judgment but something is very wrong, either sensory food issues? Or very possibly an eating disorder. Great news you have a paediatric appointment, team themnypu can’t afford private practice referrals, most major hospitals have out patients for this sort of thing, be honest, and I am sure they can guide you. Being that thin and y’all is why she can’t think her brain can’t function (so not really in her control) but food is obviously a major source of stress. Keep fighting for her one day she will thank you.
My son has trouble gaining weight. On the advice of a dietitian, I was adding oil or butter to his dinner to get extra calories into him. 2-3 milk drinks a day - sustagen, up & go, milo, milkshakes, if we made the drinks at home then for every cup of full cream milk 2 tablespoons of full cream milk powder plus what ever flavouring he wanted. I send an up & go or sustagen popper in his lunch box to have at school. He often doesn’t feel hungry at school, but I know that he will drink an up & go. If he doesn’t eat all his lunch then I make sure he has an milk drink before bed. Will your daughter drink smoothies or milkshakes? If she will, speak to a dietitian to check what ‘extras’ you can add to get more calories in each day.
Can I suggest you talk to your doc about Marfans Syndrome. I recently read a story about a girl with very similar issues.
Your daughter sounds tall and lanky which are trademark signs of Marfans.
My 10yo has sensory issues with food and so I struggle to get her to eat and she is underweight. We’ve started seeing a specialist nutritionist to work with her sensory boundaries and she’s improving. But in the meantime we’ve got her on a multi V, and some additional supps she was lacking in. I try to be patient with her but it’s hard. Hang in there!