So I broke up with my ex over 6 months ago, for very good reasons. I find him gross and have no attraction to him at all. We have kids together and honestly he does the bare minimum. I just found out he has been seeing someone the last few weeks which is fine as I don’t want him back at all but I’m not going to lie it knocked the wind out of me. I’m sitting at home alone feeling depressed. I do everything for our kids, barely get time to myself, whenever he has them which isn’t often i end up working because I neee the money. He’s always saying he’s to tired to have after the kids but how does he have time to go get girlfriend. I’m not saying he can’t have a life but when is my turn. Not sure what I’m trying to say but I feel so shit, feel like I won’t ever be able to meet someone and I’m not even looking lol. He lives the high life, partying, drinking doing whatever he wants. Never has to take the kids to sports, school, daycare. Whenever I ask him for a favour I always get told this is the life you chose when you left me.
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And to add, I think it hurts because this girl he is seeing was in the picture before we decided to give things another go when we broke up last time. I even contacted her when we were getting back together to ask what was going on with him, nothing nasty but I wanted to know if he was stringing us both along and keeping her on the side in case we didn’t work things out. instead of msging me back she told him I contacted her. I’m sure he makes out I’m absolutely crazy but then again all narcs do
He's kind of right. If you chose to leave, you can't really be upset that he's making the best of a bad situation and moving forward instead of being miserable. I'm guessing he found the time to get a social life because he doesn't have the kids that often. If you genuinely don't want to be with him, shake off your reaction (which is very natural and just shows that you are still human) and focus on what you have (kids you love, work, and not being stuck in a relationship you don't want). And I guarantee you that most relationships ending have bad mouthing from both sides, so hold your chin up and ignore whatever he might be saying about you. If you know it's just spite, then you know it's not true and that's what matters.
I would stop asking him to have them or to help you and continue being the awesome mum you are. Be happy! He would be loving that you are miserable and asking for his help. Stop needing him. Give yourself one night a week or fortnight where you get someone to babysit for you and you go out and enjoy yourself. Set up a date for your kid free night or just do something by yourself or with a mate. If you aren't already claiming cs then get onto it and always claim csa collect. Start loving your life, you're free!
Forget about what he is doing. Reality is that he has the time at night/weekends to go out because you have the kids majority of the time.
Stop asking him for more than he is willing to give. If he decides to ask for a night or two extra with the kids and it fits in with your schedule then great, if he doesn't try to have the kids more, it's his loss for missing time with his kids.
Plus, she now has to deal with his crap.
Ask family and friends for extra support, see if they can have the kids for a few hours or one night a fortnight so you can do something for yourself.
I was/have been in a similar situation to you.
I left my ex, found out through someone else a week after we split he was dating someone, he told me about her after 7 months, she moved in with him a month after that (the kids had only met her once before she moved in). Since he started dating her he no longer calls the kids, refuses to help with extra costs even though he agreed to do so, he is dismissive of me when I try to discuss things for the kids. He does have the kids every second weekend and rarely asks for extra nights over the holidays.
BUT you know what? I don't miss hin, I was able to leave an abusive relationship, create a happy home for my kids and I, I am able to express myself without being judged by him and I can do things I enjoy again. I haven't dated anyone since I separated (over 18 months ago now) and while I do get lonely from time to time, I am much happier within myself.
Focus on you, your kids and the future you want to create for you all.
Thanks. Just to add to the first poster, I never said he wasn’t right. He was extremely emotionally abusive and also physically abusive so I left for very good reasons. I’m just down in the dumps because apparently he’s always crying about not getting to see his kids when the offer is he can have them any time, day and so on. He chooses to not have them. I know I’m free and have not felt this happy in a long time. It was 5 years of his crap and as much as I can’t stand him it still hurts. I really needed to get t off my chest because if I tell me friends they are going to assume I want him back. It’s a lonely life being a single mum and not having time for yourself so of course I feel like crap that he gets to do whatever he wants
My ex is the same, he has carried on about how I took the kids away from him and he wants to see them more but he never actually does anything about it. So he acts like it's my fault not his that he doesn't have the kids more. It's perfect for him because he can bad mouth me to everyone else while playing the victim.
You are only 6 months fresh out of the relationship and so your emotions are coming up strong, especially coming out of an abusive relationship where can feel like there is no "punishment" for all he has caused you because you have had to keep carrying on and be the bigger person while he is only caring about himself.
Being a single mum is hard, everything falls to you and you have no one special to lean on but I also get the small moments with the kids he's chosing to miss out on.
Find your rhythm and routine and you will hopefully find time for yourself too
This was me 4 years ago not only did I have 4 kids I had a business to run I had been with my ex for 18 years and he basically disappeared from all of our life’s because of course the grass is greener on the other side well so he thought 100 women later.
It was a struggle I was mad at him he was doing what ever he like with who ever he liked and I was stuck being the responsible one. I never had anytime to myself I never thought I would meet someone new but life moves on kids grow up he is getting remarried early next year and you know what I am so happy now I don’t have to put up with his shit anymore my kids adore me I am the parent they actually listen to and want to spend time with (all teenagers now) and I have meet someone new and he actually supports me in every way something my ex never did. I know it’s hard right now but keep your chin up life will get better and easier. Try not to hold on to resentment because in the end he is giving you a gift and that gift is your children