I've been under my narcissistic mothers thumb for the first 30 plus years of my life. I've finally had enough after meeting my partner moving away having twins then another close in age, being talked into us moving back home for 'help', having the worst year of our lives and finally just cutting our losses and moving away again. Only spoken a few times this past 10 months. As a narcissistic abuse surviver I feel guilty for hurting her feelings and I never set out to keep our babies away from her but we just haven't gotten back home to visit - I have huge anxiety at the very thought now! Yet I still feel bad for her. In her head she's badly done by.
We've now decided to move to another state! I dread telling her. How can I be strong enough to do this for myself and our little family. How do you get over the guilt feeling when you've been manipulated and made the guilty party in every situation all of your life?
Narcissistic mother
Narcissistic mother
Posted in:
Life Lessons, Parenthood Guilt
2 Replies
Move don’t tell her, when she asks to come and visit you tell her to organise plane tickets to your nearest airport and you’ll pick her up from there. You’ve been so conditioned to her behaviour you need to move for your own sanity. Don’t tell her you’re moving just do it. When she has a whinge to people just tell them to mind their own business becasue what’s between you and your mother is just that between you and your mother.
You don't have to tell her. I used or last move to cut toxic extended family from our lives. I locked down my Facebook account, changed my mobile phone number and have only given out my address to highly trusted people who know just enough background information to not tell anyone where I live. Toxic family can now only contact me via email or my PO Box.
You don't have to go to the same extremes as I did, I had 'family' barge into my home uninvited to intimidate me often, and only when hubby was at work. Find some healthy boundaries and stick to them. Unfortunately whatever you say to her, she'll twist it so you end up apologising to her for it.