My husband & I have 2 children aged 12 & 10. Before we had children we wanted to have 4. After our first was born I suffered PND & our baby was very difficult, we had feeding issues, sleeping issues, bonding issues..you get the idea it was a hectic, scary time & I swore I wanted no more children, fast forward 2 years & our baby is the cutest, smartest little toddler everything has settled down, oh they are still a very strong willed & a spirited child but we decide we want to try for another & so 9mths later our 2nd baby comes along, this time everything is different, bonding happens instantly, this baby is easy & I immediately want another. when baby number 2 is around 2 years old I start thinking about another but get diagnosed with health issues & cant have another baby until they are dealt with, well these issues aren't finished being dealt with until our baby number 2 is almost 5 years old! By then I have gone back to work full time, we are about to have both children in school & we decide we are happy with our 2, we can provide for them really well, we are not struggling financially. Our kids have their moments & our oldest is very hectic again you know "strong willed & spirited" lol. Anyway, we decide no more but at the same time we continue to use only ovulation charting as birth control & agree if I did fall pregnant so be it, we occasionally discuss a vasectomy so we don't have to worry about charting anymore, this method has worked for us for almost 10 years now & recently I have found myself hoping that maybe it might fail....but then if my period is late I go through ups & downs & yes & no's to what if I'm pregnant! I asked my husband & he says he doesn't know what he wants now either! He feels he is to old (40) & the kids are to old to start again but also starts getting a little excited if my period is late. I'm in my early 30s & a lot of my friends are just starting to have their first babies so I think I'm at a good age to still have babies. We are finding it hard to decide where we are at! Should we have another or decide we are done & one of us have something done so its not an option anymore? I feel confused & a little teary at the thought of my baby days being over & my husband got a little offended when I said it would be a little sad to put that behind us, he feels like I meant we are nothing as a couple if we are not making babies. But what I mean is my whole life the one thing I knew I wanted to be was a mum & I wanted to have lots of kids & things didn't go to plan, especially the first time around, I still have guilt over the PND I had first time around & the bonding we didn't do when they were newborn. I'm feeling very confused & I'm just after some experiences & thoughts I guess...
I think I want another baby..
I think I want another baby..
Posted in:
Relationships & Marriage, Parenthood Guilt, Pregnancy, Baby & Toddler
4 Replies
I think the first thing you need to do is sit down with your partner and list the pros and cons of adding to your family and honestly communicate to each other what you want. Given that you go through all the range of emotions each time your period is missed I don't think you are 100% sure and I think that given your history you and your partner need to be 100% sure. I think it's also important to consider the fact that your husband got offended at you feeling sad over putting those baby days behind you. Is he looking forward to spending more time with you as a couple again now that the kids are older and little bit more self sufficient and he knows that having another baby will delay that? This may be a more honest reflection of what he wants although he seems excited when your period is late? Whatever you decide remember that babies don't stay babies, every pregnancy and child is different and that communication with you partner is key. Good luck
I’m not sure I would want another when if I had a 12-10 yr old. I have a 5 yr old and 2 other children and I still consider it but something stops me. Maybe the thought of starting all over again is part of it. I think you should definately write down pros and cons. If it’s really what you both want then have another. Goodluck x
You are kind of describing our life almost to a tee except for a few small differences. I don't really have any advice but to let you know you're not alone. I'm interested to see everyone's responses too. I guess if that longing is still there maybe you should go for it?
Go for it.. you will regret it..! You will work around and hurdles that may arise. If It was me, I would go for it rather than life my life of regret if it’s what I really wanted. You have one life to live, life if the way you want and if you yearn for another baby then do it. I wanted 4 and unfortunately I’m too old now and even though I am completely happy with 3, if I had my time over I would have started a few years earlier to have my 4th. How blessed are we to be able to carry healthy babies. You are probably at a better place now more than ever. Why not?