Just looking for some advice on how to either speak to my kids and maybe their teachers/school about the fact that I work, or just get over the guilt that I unavailable most of the time. It is only the beginning of term 1 and already we have had notes home about parents attending a getting to know you session, parent teacher interviews, assembly, auditions for a school musical, sports carnival, classroom helpers and canteen roster. One note even included the sentence "kids do better when parents participate". How would the school feel if i handed out a note saying "kids do better when the mortgage is paid and there is food on the table". I know that not everyone can be expected to attend everything but in the 9 days since school started I'm feeling a little guilty that I've already had to say, sorry kids mums busy, 6 times. I know we are not the only family that both parents work so can't get to school between 9 and 3. I also realize that teachers and staff members have a life outside of school and cant be expected to do everything out of school hours. I suppose it is just guilt that has made me angry about this, but I am feeling totally inadequate as a parent right now.
7 Replies
They are very aware. Lots of kids have working parents and that's to be expected. Lots of teachers have kids and so are unavailable to them for school time- we understand work comes first.
However, parent involvement does improve outcomes and community involvement is great for kids. It's great they know this and welcome it, it's not a knock at you for not being there.
You can send an uncle/ aunt/ grandparent even a family friend if there's something important. You can also get your teachers email and communicate with them ie) I can't attend parade can you please take a photo or video for me. It helps cement those connections between school and home.
I worked a lot, to the point where my Son went to oshc before and after school. I was never on school grounds. But I told my Son and his school, that if they can give me enough notice, I can request annual leave on special occasions. This way I was able to organise myself to participate on sports day, special assemblies or excursions. Is this something that would suit you? It could ease some of the mum guilt.
In addition, don't doubt yourself and don't feel like you have to justify yourself.
Ya don't. They send all that shit out everyone, the ones that can do. The ones that can't don't. Parent Teacher interviews can be made to a suitable time for both of you. Pencil in the big assemblies if possible - like awards etc (I'd swap shifts or start later/earlier to finish later/earlier as it was only a few times a year). Try to make it to one or 2 sports/swimming carnivals if it works out you can. Otherwise, parent your child, support their education. over the years you might find they'll make friends with someone whose mum can fit them in the car to go to sports or auditions etc if that interests them.
Don’t feel bad. I don’t work but I just couldnt cope with any extra things. I don’t do anything involved with the school. Some days I can barely walk them in. I’m exhauted and I don’t work. I struggle just reading the papers that get sent home. I don’t feel bad because I am trying to get through each and everyday like every other busy mum. I have so much to do around the home once I drop my kids off and looking for work. Preparing dinner. I’m exhauted, I don’t know how you working mums do it. It’s tough either way so don’t feel bad. We are all just doing the best we can & the schools understand that.
I live over the road from school and dont work yet and I have missed things 😅 I made time to meet the teachers I need to know and have their emails, so they will let me know if I need to be at assembly for my kids. I have always been a working mum til this point so my kids know I cant always be there for things and they don't mind because when I do make it we make a huge deal about it. As long as you have solid family time when you can the school stuff isn't that important. And most teachers will happily set up one on one time that suits you and them whether it be before or after school. Stop beating yourself up, you cant be everywhere at once 😊
Maybe have a word/email to admin let them know that it feels like they are setting expectations too high for parents. Ask them to advertise other ways you can be involved in your children's school life such as helping them with homework, reading with them and simply asking about their day and taking an interest in their answers.
I have 4 autistic kids and the last one has just started prep this year. I haven't had much of an opportunity these past 6 years to turn up to school events due to a lack of maturity and coping skills of the younger kids. That doesn't mean I haven't been in contact with the school regularly, I'm up there most weeks to sort one problem or another. But I try to make it to parades, and I know what each kid is doing in class. I may not be helping much with the P&C but all the kids at school know my name and love to tell me their successes and struggles at pick up and drop off time (small school of 53 kids, not hard to know everyone in a small school like that.)
It's a 15 minute drive to and from school so we use that time for everyone to share 1 bad thing that happened during the day and 3 good things (sometimes we have to continue the conversation at dinnertime due to one of the kids needing extra share time and discussing solutions to their problems.)
After dinner but before bed we all sit in the lounge room and read together too. The eldest two kids generally read independently and the youngest two and I read a story each. This works out well as the big kiss are not interested in 'baby books' and the younger two get the awesomeness of having 3 stories before bed time.
You just need to find a way that works for your family to share the ups and downs of daily life, to support and encourage each other, to communicate. Kids that get this are the kids that succeed.
You just need to talk to the kids and depending on age they will get it. I work FT and have always so all 3 of my kids know I can’t do everything. I attend award assemblies when they get a big award (not the little ones) and I try and do open class rooms. You know what I miss most stuff. And although that might not be awesome, when I go it’s special and I am modeling good work ethic, balance in work and home, and we are providing for them. So I park the guilt and know I can do what I have faith that I make the best choice I can each day