Growing up there was a girl who made my life really horrible and she relentlessly bullied me. Stalked me online and would send things to my home (things intended to be hurtful) and even into my 20’s it continued on social media. Plastering my name everywhere and spreading awful lies about me, sending me death threats and more. Even on my honeymoon was sending nasty messages off her friend’s accounts so I could never block her and get away from it. The harrassment and bullying only stopped last year.
She’s now had a kid herself and has joined an online campaign raising money for bullying awareness for the month of February. She’s always posting about it to social media trying to raise awareness and get sponsored. She posts things about how bullying is so near and dear to her heart and how anyone who needs to talk about bullying can contact her. She uses her son as the reason for campaigns as she never wants him to be bullied or hurt etc (fair point).
But, I’m wondering whether I should call her out on her bullshit or ask for an apology? There’s so much paper record and police were even involved at one stage so I can easily back up anything I say to her. I know I should just not see what she’s posting but we have mutual friends who keep sharing her posts. I feel like saying “yeah let’s hope no one sends your son messages saying you hope they he kills himself everyday for 10 years” (which is what she did to me).
Or do I just let it go? It’s something I really struggle to move on from. I’ve seeked counselling but there’s still anger on my behalf.
12 Replies
That is really sad. Sorry you had to endure many years of bullying from this woman. I think you could write her a message to express that you have been too a victim of bullying and try to gain some sort of closure from it by asking her to apologise to you. Also explain that this is something you haven’t been able to move past and you deserve some sort of explanation and apology.
Sorry you were bullied, I know how you feel. I received an apology from my bully when I was in my late 20s when she bumped into me at a social function.
What she did to you was very very wrong, but everyone is capable of learning and changing if they WANT to. Sounds to me like she now sees te harm bullying causes from the victims point of view. A lot of bullies don’t realise they are bullies at the time. It’s quite possible she knows she bullied you.
There is also a really good theory around apologising to people. You shouldn’t apologise to someone if there is a danger you will be revictimising the person.. in this case if she reached out to you, out of the blue to apologise it probably would have done more harm than good to you.
It’s up to you if you want to reach out to her, but calling her out is wrong, you have no idea what’s going on in her mind. She might already feel totally shit for what she did.
So personally I’d reach out in private if you want but don’t be surprised if she already gets it.
About 6 months ago, when that show 13 reasons why was making headlines, a girl I went to school with (not even sure why i accepted her friend request to be honest) went on a similar spiel about how bullying impacted her and how she couldn't understand why people treat each other's so badly, I'm always here for anyone blah, blah, blah.
I wanted to respond "Are you fucking kidding bitch?" I had a whole paragraph written out highlighting several times in which she behaved the same way she had just condemned and everything. I was about to post it and I just realised there was no point. If she wants to live with the delusion that she's a decent person, whatever I had to say would make no difference. So I blocked her instead!
I was also mercilessly bullied by a few boys in my grade, until very recently I feel I needed and was owed an appolgy. I actually ran into one of them the other day, he was with his wife, couple of beautiful little kids. I said hi as I passed him (I panicked lol), I've never seen someone more uncomfortable. He couldn't even make eye contact!
It was in that moment i felt pitty, I might have to live with the effects of bullying but at least I don't have to live with the knowledge that I was the bully!
Who knows, maybe having a kid really changed her perspective, maybe she feels she needs to do this for some self redemption.
No other advice but I do hope you find some peace with it all X
I would comment on her post and retell your own bullying story (leave her out of it, just a girl I went to school with) and end it with "I hope your son doesn't have to go through what I went through". I really hate people like this, my SIL is the same but can never notice her own faults. Hypocrites.
Depends how long it's been. If it was last year- yes call her out. If it was twenty years ago , let it go. But I would still block her or be ready to act the second she thinks she's going to start anything again.
It says it only stopped last year!!!!
Oh my gosh one of our high schools biggest bully does the same! Luckily enough I didn’t cop her rath but what makes me sick is that several of the girls she tormented the most suck up to her on social media 🤦🏼♀️
One of two things could happen.
She could tell you how sorry she is, how she regrets her behaviour and feels so horrible for what shes done and all she does for the bullying campaign is in some way, trying to find redemption for her behaviours in the past.
Or, she could respond in a horrible nasty way and refuse to acknowledge her past behaviour was bullying and become aggressive in her response.
It comes down to whether she has actually grown up to be a half decent human or if shes just putting on a pretty face for social media and all of her school mum pals etc.
I think if you want to write her a private message, do so, but be prepared you may not get the response you want and there is a risk of being re-traumatised.
I've been thinking about this post for a a while now.
I was bullied at school, I held onto a lot of hate for a long time and also struggled to move past it. I actually felt compelled to find my bullies on Facebook and let them know how the abuse affected me on quite a few occasions - I chickened out everytime though.
It just dawned on me one day that I was still letting my bullies have a negative impact on my life, years after all that crap stopped. They probably didn't even remember me or at least the way they treated me, so expecting them to acknowledge their wrong doings and appologise was a waste of my energy!
I blocked them all so I wasn't tempted to check up on them now and again, and so I couldn't see anything shared by mural friends/tagged pictures etc and I made a conscious effort to not dwell on whatever they were doing (Not matter how hypocritical and infuriating).
It still hurts sometimes, I think it always will but it doesn't consume me anymore, I have found some acceptance.
I think there's also something to be said about letting sleeping dogs lie, your situation was quite extreme given police involvement and the level of harassment you copped but it has stopped. If you reach out and say your piece, it may be seen as somewhat antagonistic or sort of provocation, especially since it sounds like this was still happening until fairly recent. You don't want to look like you're 'poking the bear' so to speak.
Is it a legit charity she’s raising money for?
Prob best to let it rest, tell your friends not to share this shit with you as it’s keeping you stuck in the trauma. If you don’t already, see a good grief n loss counsellor
Oh wow I could've written this exact thing! My school bullies brother committed suicide and then she became a voice of beyond blue 😣 the last day she ever bothered me was the day I said to her, you do realise your brother did what he did because he was being bullied. I felt awful because I don't like to be negative, but it certainly stopped her.
Contact the organisation with screenshots! Don't go through her, it's not worth your time.
Contact them and leave the ball in their court. Then you can wipe your hands clean of it.