Please can I get some help.
I feel like I am alone. Friends around us have boys.
My beautiful strong willed 9 nearly 10 year old daughter, is pushing my buttons of late. She is amazing at school. Teachers compliment her every day. She is beautiful helpful girl at home too. 80% of the time she is amazing, its the 20% which is starting to increase which she isn't.
Though of late - last 6 weeks, she has been pushing all my buttons by being stubborn. For example, of a morning, I can ask her to put shoes on and she gets upset and decides not to get ready. We have had swimming for school this week and today as she was "dragging her feet"to get ready. I packed her swimming bag. In the car on the way to school, she opened her bag and advised me that I had forgotten to pack her thongs, she started to have a melt down and wouldn't get out of the car. Eventually she got out but didn't take her bags, So i left and dropped her bags of at the office.
She won't let me pack certain foods at the moment, because the boys will laugh at her"". She checks her lunch box every morning now. We have had horrible nights, where we say it's bed time and she gets upset and says mum and dad don't love her as she can't stay up.
I have had feedback from her teacher to say that she is growing up and yes she has seen this behavior in previous years with other girls.
I find myself getting irritated very quickly and I know I can react differently but when I have to get going to get to work. I get even more upset.
Is there a video, article, or book someone has read which has helped them?
Please I need help. Life isn't good when I am getting upset all the time????
Suggestions with Beautiful but stubborn 9 yr old daughter.
Suggestions with Beautiful but stubborn 9 yr old daughter.
Posted in:
Life Lessons, Relationships & Marriage, Parenthood Guilt, Behaviour, Kids
5 Replies
Give her options with the shoes- do you want these socks or these ones today? Swimming - if you dont get ready in 10 minutes you aren't going. Oh you forgot your thongs? You better not go then if your going to act like this.
Try giving her options where you can but at the same time don't let her play you, if she's taking too long for something she enjoys then she's not going. If she's taking too long for something like school or something then send her in in what she's wearing. She'll only do it a few times before she realises you mean business. All kids go through stages like this unfortunately.
Omg I could’ve written this myself but my daughter is 10!
I’m trying to walk away rather than react and having as many natural consequences as I can eg wont pack lunch, then no lunch. It seems to work quicker than reminders, rewards, or rousing!
I try spend 10mins a day one on one to check in with her or chat. I think she likes that.
I’m sure it’s a stage they go through at the beginning of hormones changing! I do miss my lovely little girl though. But like you said, she’s still good mostly.
I have a 9 year old daughter, I think we sometimes forget their age. It’s my 9 year old daughter who has always done more than the others for herself & has always been older than her age. For this reason, I seem to forget at times and expect so much more out of her. I had to stop and give her more cuddle time, something she never really was fussed in but I make a point of it and tell her how much I love her and cuddling her and be open with her. Sometimes I think they are reaching out just for us to reassure them how much we really care about them and love them. Try to go to the shop with her on her own or to a movie or something and spend a few hours with just the 2 of you. Get a bond happening between just the 2 of you that makes her feel special. It worked for me. I took my daughter out and she felt so special having mum on her own, something she needed but couldn’t quite communicate it. She is so much better with her atttotide towards me and her brother and sister. She feels like, our little outing made her feel so important, the time I gave her alone, was so special she really loved it and has shown how much she appreciated it. There is always a great KAZ COOKE book in Kmart or on eBay it’s for 8-13 year old girls, I suggest you get it for your daughter to read. It explains many things in there that parents may not be able to. I am very open with my daughter about everything. The book is great. Please make a night take her on her own out to dinner and a movie, make her feel special and enjoy this time with just the 2 of you. It’s so upsetting feeling this way & im sure a night out together will do you both the world of good. I know it did for me.
Please don’t assume she is just being naughty.. there could be things going on with kids at school that she may feel like she can’t talk about. Especially when you mentioned the lunch box issue. I have learnt from taking my child to a psychologist that there is so many things going through their little heads all day at school that we don’t think of. I know it’s exhausting for us as mums. She might just be getting bullied by the boys over her lunch box, other kids can be awful. Just don’t be in a rush to attack her for being naughty. Relax and get her to open up about the issues that may be bothering her. It may be something that means nothing to an adult but it could mean the world to a kid and she is acting out at you for it. Lay with her at night. Hug her, tell her how much you love her and ask her if anything is worrying her. Tell her that is what you are there for. Tell her she is worrying you, you are there to protect her and if there is anything upsetting her at school, she needs to talk to you. it’s the best thing you can do for her. Just knowing she isn’t going to get into trouble and has an ear to listen to at the end of the day with a big cuddle can mean such a huge difference. Good luck it’s so upsetting watching our babies go through this!
Sounds like hormones are starting! Why are you packing her lunch and swimming bag so she can just criticise it? My boy same age packs his own lunch (with guidelines, and swimming, school bag. If he forgets something he can only blame himself. I focus on a big healthy breakfast and dinner and if he doesn’t eat much at school he won’t starve!