Just need a little rant.
I moved back in with my mum late last year. I have a 4 year old son. I couldn't afford it on my own any more. His seeing an OT and pediatrician it was getting so expensive.
My oldest brother still lives at home he is saving for a house deposit with his partner. (He works full time)
My youngest sister has just finished school and is working 4 days a week.
My mum also works full time.
Then there is me a stay at home mum. I'm looking so hard for work, but no one gets back to me. Maybe because I have been out for so long or only have one qualification.. I enrolled at tafe but they didn't have enough enrolments so they canceled. I tried another course but they told me it was to late.
I started to become jealous watching every one go to work and earn their own money.
I have a few responsibilitys one being my son. 2 my pets from dogs to horses. 3 general day to day jobs.
But now that I'm at home my mum expects me to keep her house. (I'm paying rent bills etc) but not just daily stuff I me everything mowing gardening right down to washing every one's clothes and dishes.
Then 3 weeks ago my other sister arrived home from traveling.
She instantly got a job 3 jobs in fact last week. And has another interview tomorrow. How did she do it!? (She needs 7k to go away again) so she's working her butt off.
My mum rang me today from Canberra saying she won't be home tonight. And my sisters have just gone to work. Their clothes are in the washing machine and they need their uniforms for tomorrow she said since they are at work I need you to hang them out. Also all those plants your sister planted yesterday they will need watering too and the dinner dishes are still in the sink to be washed.
I'm cleaning up at my horses at this point after my morning run. Now I'm asked to so someone else's jobs to just cause they are working. I'm getting so tired I have no time to my self any more but my run.
Does this seem fair? Am I over reacting saying it's not fair? And they need to look after them selves?
Also why is it so hard for me to find a job or at least get a call back?
I'm feeling so down and worthless.
All my friends are now married or engaged have jobs and my family and then there is me. I feel so different.
I want a job so I can move back out and support me and my boy and feel like an adult again.
This is a place where women from different backgrounds, cultures and beliefs come together to support one another judgement free.
14 Replies
Tell her your not their slave, your paying rent and contributing to the household. They are all adults and just becasue you don’t work per se you are still contributing as much as everyone else and now your expected to be a maid?? Ask her how it’s fair and if she’s doing it on purpose becasue she wants you and your boy to move out ASAP becasue that’s how you feel. In reality your siblings should have hung up their clothes before they went to work. It’s their responsibility tell her you don’t ask them to hang up your and your sons laundry so they shouldn’t request it of you. Personally I’d move out into the cheapest rental I could find and leave my horse there and pay to adjist them. No ifs buts or maybes. Just becasue you work doesn’t mean you don’t have to do anything else around the house. Just like because you currently don’t have a job means you should have to do everyone’s chores.
You are a family. Families do things for one another. May be it's just me, but I wouldn't even blink if my mum asked me to hang out washing 🤷♀️ everyone pitches in. I'd probably be doing stuff without even being asked. But that's just me and our family - we just do 'stuff' without being asked. My 22yo stepson lives with us, pays a bit of rent, works and still does stuff around the house - mowing, gardening, cleaning etc without being asked 🤷♀️
Yeah but she’s saying she has to do it all, from the dishes, to their washing, to the garden work all of it. Not just some of it and that’s not ok. Yeah hanging out the ocassional load of washing becasue someone “forgot” is ok but if it’s expected everyday it’s not ok, if it’s a family I bet it wasn’t just you doing the lawns/gardening/dishes/washing by yourself everyone had to pitch in. Just like in my house I may not work but I help out my OH with his work when needed and he helps out in the house by doing dishes and keeping the kids entertained during withching hour. My mum used to purposely leave me in the house with my younger siblings and leave me a list of things to do but none of it was for my siblings to do just me. I even had to cook the dinner before I went to work. Even though she didn’t work and I did at least 20 hours a week plus go to school full time. My dad would refuse to do anything in the house including the gardening and sit in his shed all night except to come in and eat dinner. I was happy to hang out washing, I was happy to cook, I was even happy to do the bathroom once a week. But when my siblings didn’t have to lift a finger and I was expected to do it all and then nothing even though they only went to school. I thought that was bullshit and I was still contributing to the house monetarily and they weren’t. My brother had one job to do a week and he refused to do it and still got games brought for him. My little sister didn’t have to do a thing and had new things every week. This chicks mum has too high an expectation of her and not high enough expectations of her siblings and it’s unfair. Even as a family you all pitch in weather you work or not otherwise their will be resentment and it’s clearly happening in this post.
I think this is just going to be a massive cycle as you're at home whilst looking for work, they'll just expect it of you. Maybe you can say to them that you're happy to do those things however you expect that your rent and bills be at a reduced amount as you don't do services for free.
Could you look into some cleaning work in the meantime to get you by or even just doing washing/ironing for families nearby? It would be making you feel worthless them treating you so lowly :(
I mean, i wouldnt be taking on your siblings chores (i dont get why their lazy asses can't hang their own clothes out - let alone just demanding you do it, thats rude AF) but I lived at home with my mum when my son was a baby. She'd go to work and I would do the house work and I didn't mind, but it wasn't demanded of me. I just did it to help out!
To be entirely honest though, I'd live in a shoe box before I'd move back home again.
I'm also going to suggest something potentially unpopular:
Sell the horses! Their feed and upkeep is money you don't need to be spending right now.
Centrelink should be able to hook you up with a job search provider also, they can help with courses, your resume and have access to more jobs (and offer incentives to employers). Look into it!
In the mean time I'd purposely leave your sister's clothes in the tub and tell them to fuck right off if they carry on, you're not their personal assistant!
I’m a single mum of one with a job, living with parents (paying my way) no way in hell I could afford horses. I used to ride, would love them but it’s a luxury I couldn’t afford at this point in life either.
I'm certainly no expert but I do know having horses is an expensive hobby.
We're a dual (albeit, low income) family, we can't even commit to the financial responsibility that comes with a dog, much less a horse.
It's definitely disappointing giving up things you love, but you just have to prioritize sometimes!
Hahaha money she doesn’t need to be spending right now..geez take away this poor girls hobby and passion in life.! Centrelink job providers are also useless.
Keep ya bloody horses girl and enjoy every day with them, you don’t want to becomes even more depressed..!!!
Tell your grown up family to do their own chores around the house. Then working doesn’t give them a right to treat you as their slave.!
Job search providers are "useless" for lazy people who don't want to help themselves.
They're there to offer assistance not do everything, the OP seems keen to work so I think she'll find the service valuable.
It's all well and good to have a hobby but part of being an adult means prioritizing. The op is literally complaining that life got so expensive with her son's OT, and other bills that she had to move home with her mum.
How much is she paying to rent the land or stables her horses live at?
How much is she paying for their food?
How much is she paying for their saddles, shoes, other miscellaneous costs and veterinary care?
I have a friend who owns a horse and keeps it on land she owns, she spends a few hundred a week just on food and essentials?!
I'm sorry, i just don't think for an unemployed person who has other responsibilities (like her son's therapy) and has expressed the desire to regain some independence, owning horses isn't an immediate necessity. I mean, that money could go towards his therapy, it could go towards rent so she could get out of the house full of people that treat her like the unpaid help.
But, pardon me for offering some logical solutions to her problem 🙄
Job providers are box tickers, and yeah generally useless, nothing to do with lazy
Don’t listen to all these mean comments, if u are paying rent and bills then you shouldn’t be the sole housekeeper as well. I would get volunteer work to get some experience for your resume and make contacts (it’s often who you know or just being known to a place when they need someone) That will also get you out and you have a ‘job’ to go to so you don’t have time to do all the housework and they will have to pitch in and do their bit
I know the feeling. People presume that just because you are at home, you will do this or that. Yes helping out with certain things is fine when it fits around you but daily you start to feel like you are being used, it’s repetive sane boring shit that everyone expects you to do and that is not ok. It just makes you want to go against everyone. Just because they work, it doesn’t mean they have a right to leave all their dishes their for you to do.!! What if you weren’t there. You aren’t their slave. You need to speak up and tell them enough is enough. Geez what a life for them. Using dishes, washing, all there for you coz what they work.? You do to.! You care for a child, you are a mother.! You have your own life. They are grown adults!! Just because you aren’t in a paid job, it doesn’t make it ok for them to treat you like a slave. It’s so depressing!!! it’s just expected of you. So what if you live there. These grown adults aren’t children. They are big enough to do their own dishes and washing. There is doing your bit to help which I get but then there is, you don’t work so you should just be doing it all and no it isn’t ok.! it’s hard enough dealing with rejection of jobs and not working and other commitments than feeling like a slave having to do everything for everyone because you don’t work. It’s not on & your mum needs to pull up her other grown kids!
Unless they want to start paying you to do their laundry, cleaning and house keeping, tell them to jog on!
But seriously, you need to talk to your mum. You aren’t her maid, you aren’t her chef and you aren’t a laundry service. Unless she wants to start paying you by the hour to do all these extra chores (they average $22 an hour BTW) then she needs to make other arrangements. If she wouldn’t pay someone else, then it’s not fair to expect you to do it for nothing - you aren’t living rent feee here.
You need a house meeting. Time for everyone to be treated (and act) like adults in a share house.
Divvy up the jobs evenly if everyone is contributing equal shares financially, otherwise, labour offsets financial input.
It’s up to you to set boundaries. Don’t answer the phone, or you can just say no. You set your own schedule for your day. If you choose to help others fine, but the expectation that you’re the “housewife” just because you’re a SAHM at present would piss me off too. Are these family members minding your child to return the favour? So you can go out, do a course, volunteer etc?
Quite frankly it sounds like Mum does too much for all of you. Time to grow up and take responsibility - Everyone, including mum
Tell mum how you feel!