Probably opening a can of worms but...
What DIDN'T you receive from your parents that you wish you did?
I understand that there are a great deal of people who were abused growing up, who had terrible childhoods, and wish they had different experiences/family etc. I want to acknowledge your pain. I feel for you more than you'll know, and I wish you are able to find peace within yourself.
But I am more talking about "typical" childhoods, with "typical" parent/s.
I grew up in a "normal" family with brothers. My parents didn't abuse me. We weren't rich or poor. They were strict, but being army brats, that was the norm. We moved a fair bit until I was a teenager where we settled in a smallish town/community. While my father had passed on, my mother lives in the same town as I do and I will see her one to two times a week. We get along fine, have very different parenting styles which can cause some conflict when my children do something I consider to be ok, but she feels inappropriate. But we're not very close. The relationship is fairly superficial, in the sense that I don't confide in her My darkest secrets, and she does not know about the sexual abuse I did suffer From the hands of another family member when I was a child. But I love her and look out for her, make sure she is healthy, help her with any issues etc like technology or Centrelink etc, and will probably be the one caring for her when she's too old or ill to care for herself. And I am perfectly ok with all of that.
But the ONE THING that I wished I'd had but have never received right up to this very day is hearing the words "I love you" from either parent. My father before he died and my mother now just cannot (or will not) say those three words. My kids, including my toddler, will say to her that they love her and she will say something like "yeah yeah" or try to redirect the conversation to some other topic. It's like she just cannot accept those words or even say it back - even in an offhand way to make the kids feel better. I tell my kids numerous times a day that I love them, so they don't understand why their grandmother, who I know loves them very much, just cannot say it.
So what's your one thing?
17 Replies
Mine is probably silly in the scheme of things because I had a great upbringing.. I competed at national level in my sport and my dad never came to watch me :(
That’s not silly. It still hurts my dad that his parents never watched him either and he started when he was 6 years old.
Not silly at all.
Love
I had an amazing childhood. The one thing I wish I was more lectured on if you like is. Savings.
I don’t think I could really fault my childhood or my upbringing. I mean it was a shit childhood around drugs, DV and crap some of the time. It was just mum on her own mostly. I did carry some of her burdens and I grew up quickly but I don’t think I’d change those things because it’s made me who I am today.
I do try and be a lot more affectionate to my kids then my mum ever was, she’s not an overly touchy person. So maybe I’d ask for more affection.
I wish I had psychological help. My parents ignored some red flags that I was deeply depressed and not coping in life. I said some pretty desperate things to get some help which they ignored.
For me, I wish my parents were more open in communication and affection. Perhaps it was a generational thing as this was a few decades ago! However my husbands father was a very open and loving man and he would be the same age. I also wish my parents gave me more guidance in regards to my education/career and finances.
I wish I had guidance.
I spent my childhood with my mum, we didn't know at the time that she had undiagnosed bipolar disorder, generalised anxiety disorder and depression.
I wish I had stability and consistency (particularly emotionally), i wish I received love and affection.
We weren't abused or neglected I guess but our mum was just so emotionally unavailable and just treated us with either indifference or like our presence just irritated her.
I don't blame her or hate her for it, but I have definitely struggled with some self esteem and rejection issues as a result. We have basically no relationship now, which makes me really sad but I've come to realize over the years that what I need from her as a mother - she doesn't have it to give. I daresay your mum doesn't have that one thing to give either, acceptance helps take some of that hurt away Xx
Parents that weren't divorced.
Love and respect. I know that’s 2 things but they go hand in hand if you ask me. I never got that from my parents and I wish I did.
Because I think my life would have turned out very different as I would have had a bar of acceptable behaviour towards myself. Hard lessons to learn if you’ve never been taught what’s ok and what’s not.
I had a great childhood. And I know my parents loved me but they never really said it and they never told me they were proud of me for my various achievements.
I think it’s probably generational tbh.
My friend recently put it very succinctly.
We are the generation (I’m 41) that were made to feel grateful that we were brought into the world and cared for.
Our kids are the generation where we as parents are so incredibly grateful that they are here. So it’s been reversed.
We make sure our kids our told everyday how much they are wanted and loved. 😍
Every generation tries to do a little better then the one before. The same will be true of our children.
I wish My mum had told me more about my biological dad and let me get to know him. Sadly he passed away when I was a teenager
I often wonder what my life would have been like growing up with a father. I was 4 & the youngest of 4 when he died.
Mum was angry, bitter and (physically/emotionally) unavailable.
There’s no openness amongst my siblings. Showing emotion was considered “weak”.
So I would’ve loved a creative, free thinking, innovative household. I always wanted to go to one of the private schools in the city rather than feeling like a 2nd class citizen because I didn’t have a dad. Single mums were rare in the Melb ‘burbs back in the 70’s 😏
I moved interstate, lived the nomadic lifestyle for a while. And I taught myself to say “I love you” and show emotion freely. I am 50, and my life is so far from my childhood experience, although I appreciate the person I am is because of my upbringing. I am a strong capable independent woman who is proudly raising feminists (2 sons and 1 daughter)
I just wanted to do normal stuff with my dad. Mum and I did and still have an incredible relationship but I’ve always felt like I was too loud, too much, or he was too tired, too drunk to be what I needed. He worked hard providing for 4 kids, we were rich or poor and had everything we wanted, even if we had to wait for it, but I always felt like an inconvenience to him though I know he loved me. My older siblings got to be his “helper” in the garage but I was too little and by the time I was old enough, he wasn’t doing that anymore and he was drinking excessively so it’s almost like I grew up with a different dad because he was completely different when they were kids. I know he loves me and is proud of me and what I’ve acheived but i still feel like something is missing from our relationship and probably always will.. cest la vie
My mother is the same. She has never apologised for anything even when she knows she is wrong and does not say I love you. My dad will on occasion say it but my mum, never! And I grew up in a normal two parent working family. I am not close with my mother either, I’ve never confided in her but that’s ok. I know she would still be there for me if I ever needed anything.
I wish I had a mum and dad / family life . My mum put me in foster care when I was ten because I came out about my step brother abusing me she and my stepdad kept my stepbrother and got rid off me . I never knew my real dad he has now passed . My mother has also now passed.