Hi, i feel as though I have been backed into a corner. My husband has had his own business for 10 years, it has got us by but never been successful. There are a few reasons why, my husband is not a business man he is too nice, he can't manage his time or his paperwork and has never let me help. After borrowing money twice against the house and maxing out a credit card twice to pay tax debts we are now in about 35k debt. He promised me that he would give it until March to turn it around and it hadn't worked I knew it wouldn't we have had these conversations every 6 to 12 months for the last 5 years. With his new plans to generate more money ect I'm at the point where I'm choosing to not live like this anymore we have assets worth more than 50k and I want us to sell them to pay our debts and for him to find different employment. I work part time and care for our 3 children too. He is so stuck and can't see reason it is so difficult to speak to him. He hasn't even paid him self super in 10 years. We are nearly 40 and I am scared for our future. I'm in a position if he doesn't sell the assets and find new work I don't want to stay with him, we can live separately. I feel so torn and am so mad at him for being so bloody unreasonable. What would you Do??
Husband wont clear debts
Husband wont clear debts
Posted in:
Relationships & Marriage, Mental Health, Men's Business, Relationships, Behaviour, Money
19 Replies
You have been very reasonable about this issue.
I’d be making plans to separate finances.
I honestly don't know where to start?
I’d start by making some ultimatums. You either sell the assets by x date or I’m out of here. Write the date on the calander.
Meanwhile you start getting your ducks in a row. Check out Centrelink to see if/what you’d be entitled to as a single. Research rental properties, what you can afford etc. do yourself a budget based on your income.
Then when the date comes and nothing has changed you action your plan.
Ok, thats helpful. I know all this but right now I can't think clearly, so thank you. I left 5 years ago for 4 months with the kids because he wouldn't acknowledge or get help for his mental health. He hit rock bottom and got help and he was a different man and still is in different areas but this one area he wont budge! I'm not leaving the house this time. Just writing it all out helps too, i question myself sometimes. But it's clear in black and white.
Have you considered contributing more financially? How old are your children?
She is working and contributing
Perhaps they can’t afford for her to work more as child care is expensive
Part time. And unfortunately their current situation makes that impossible. You can’t expect change when you won’t change either. Sometimes working part time is a luxury you can’t afford!
I get what you're saying and I think under typical circumstances it would be a fair suggestion.
However, if I were in the OPs position there would be no way I'd bust my ass working full time, sacrificing time with my kids just so he could continue to throw money down the drain for a business he doesn't have the skills to manage properly.
This isn't an issue where bringing in more income will fix the problems, Ops husband really needs some professional and realistic financial assistance.
I agree, working full time, any extra money will go towards the business.
The business is the problem, it’s draining all their money, i wouldn’t if I was the OP.
You need to address the elephant in the room.
I'm the OP this is exactly my position, I'm currently looking for more work. But really only incase I decide to leave. The problem lies in the way he manges his business. I've given him plenty of time and support and he just can't get it together. I don't want to keep throwing money away only to be paying off debt!
So your only willing to contribute more but only if you leave. Tbh you both sound childish! He needs to realise his business has failed. And as his partner you both work towards paying down the debts that have been incurred.
Why would I work towards paying off the debts when he is willing to still throw away money to a business that isn't viable!! The extra money would be just going towards sustaining his business. We are in a position where I don't need to work many hours due to having a very small mortgage, i can dedicate more time to our kids with additional needs!! I have given him many many chances to turn the business around, he wont let me have anything to do with the business either!! Thanks for your helpful comment!
Ignore the unhelpful comments! They clearly have no clue or understanding how hard it’s been on you. I get it! You’ve supported this man for years, you’ve tried every possible thing you can imagine, and still, he won’t help himself, or his family.
You get to a point where you have to stop. When you feel you and your kids are getting dragged down with him, you need to leave. For the sake of your own health and well-being, and that of your kids. And what for? To be homeless and together because of his pig headedness, to protect his fragile ego? Nah fuck that!
The only thing you can do is leave him. Protect you and the kids. Build a new life
I agree with you, time to make some changes.
How about you go visit the accountant? They can talk to you both about the viability of the business, he may listen to an experts opinion.
There’s comes a point where you can’t keep sinking funds into a bottomless pit.
Any business owner who has been faced with this reality knows how hard it is, but he has been given plenty of time, common sense has to prevail.
If he still can’t see it after professional advice, time to separate yourself, physically and financially. You don’t want to end up being tied to any bankruptcies etc.
Debt can become very overwhelming, whether is personal or business related.
My partner and myself had 40k in debts before we made the effort to do something about it. For so long it was easier to just make the minimum payments to keep the banks of our backs.
I encourage you to look at (google) debt avalanch or snow ball method. Basically looking at one debt at a time so it's not so overwhelming. Once ones paid of move that money onto the next. Another option debt consolidation - this will require another loan but you pay out all the others and are left with just one loan instead of several.
Good luck!
I'm not sure if it will help in this scenario but my husband and I have always had differing opinions when it comes to finances and was the one thing we've always fought about. We both read the Barefoot Investor and it's been the best thing. A lot of what he says I tried to do anyway but something about the book clicked for my husband which has finally put us on the same page financially and we've been following the advice ever since without an argument about money for ages! We've cleared several debts and been able to do renovations on our house as well as still go on our annual trip interstate to see his family.
If your husband isn't on board with change though then you have some serious decisions to make. Goodluck x
I'm sort of going through this with my partner. Is he a sole trader or company? Alot of things vary, if he's a sole trader he doesn't have to pay super if he chooses, if a company then yes. We just changed over from a partnership to a company and put the house under my name only and business in his so if anything does happen the house will be safe. As for you leaving though, that doesn't mean you get out of debt, half his debt is yours (yep totally sucks). See an accountant and lawyer and get the business on track. Your accountant can set you up. Make a point to hubby that if you help it will get better. My hubby really sucks at money and and can see the change with me taking over that side of it
It’s a team effort and he needs to sort this out with you and listen to your concerns else he will lose you. You need to make this clear to him. I think it’s essier if he works for someone else and he needs to stop being nice. You have to look after you and your family. So much easier working for someone else.
I would be furious, money is a deal breaker for me, this is as bad as a gambling addiction as he is compromising his family for selfish reasons. I am not big on ultimatums, but sounds like it’s time to be very direct and get life moving with or with out him. If you don’t already put your money in a seperate account, start to be more independent. Secondly sit him down and tell him, you are not even interested in today’s situation, tomorrow will be the business goes (I am guessing he is a tradie?) or you need to start the process of separation. Which will mean dividing assists, legal involvement. You love him but you can’t let your future be at risk. You both owe that to your kids. Good luck. My hubby only ran his own stuff for a couple of years, neither of us regretted getting out, it’s shit, hard work and loveless