We all love our children but have any of you regretted having one more child? Do you look back and think you were too old, had too many, couldn't offer them the world, too much of an age gap between siblings? Has there been anything at all that makes you say you wish hadn't had that 1 more?
I ask because I'm torn with my choice. I desperately wish I had had one more and most people say you only regret the ones you don't have, but I wonder if it actually can work the other way?
Regretting a child....
Regretting a child....
Posted in:
Life Lessons, Relationships & Marriage, Parenthood Guilt, Pregnancy, Baby & Toddler, Kids
9 Replies
People 100% can and do regret children.
I wouldn't use the word regret but hindsight is an amazing thing, looking back knowing what I know now I'd have been more careful. Life with 2 was easy, i never planned on having more than 2 but that's not how it all panned out so I try and enjoy my life as it is and not dwell on what it's not!
All in all, i think it's better to regret a child that doesn't exist than to regret one that does!
Regretting a child is a real thing.
Although my mum has never said it aloud, it’s pretty obvious she regretted my youngest sibling. You could just see her heart wasn’t in it. It’s damaged my youngest sibling well into adulthood. Very low self esteem etc.
I made the decision to stop at one child. Sure, there were times where I questioned my choice and especially when I hit my late 30s. I just felt if I wanted to change my mind now was the last chance. 2hours of babysitting my niece and nephews (all gorgeous well behaved kids) reminded me why I really didn’t want another child.
It’s now past the point where I could have another baby and I’m really content, happy and confident in my decision. It’s not that I don’t go ‘awe baby’ and feel all gushy. It’s just I understand that it takes more than a gushy feeling to raise a child.
Questioning and reassessing a decision is a pretty normal part of life. But at some point you just have to stop second guessing yourself, remind yourself of the reasons why you made the decision you did and remind yourself those reasons are/were incredibly valid.
There are entire facebook groups for people who regret there children.
If I had my time again I probably would make a different choice. I was so adamant on one more, desperate even. But that one more has caused abosulte chaos. I spent the first 3 years not coping, my relationship has been effected (quite possibly beyond repair), it has effected the kids I already had and my relationship with them and has generally been really hard. There was a lot of regret there at one point, I wouldn't change my youngest for the world, bIt if I had my time again... maybe I would have made a different choice.
I have never regretted mine but people expected me to because I had 4 kids by my early 20's. I missed out on being an adult before having kids and that carefree stage of partying and doing whatever you want, but I think that's also why I don't regret having my kids young because you can't miss what you didn't have to begin with. I'm now late 30's and fell pregnant to my partner a few years ago, I miscarried but if I had have had the baby I probably would have regretted it. I have my freedom now and my life the way I want it, a baby would have turned it all upside down. My partner was keen to try again but I was not, I feared I would regret it even after birth and that wouldn't be fair on the child.
Yep! Although I have 3 and my 3rd is my favourite 😂(only coz he’s my baby) I don’t like having 3. If I knew back then what I do now I’d have none! Or just one. Growing up all I ever wanted to be was a mum, I was desperate to have kids, but I really don’t enjoy it at all. The fighting and bickering is non stop. It doesn’t end. I’m sure it will when they’re older but it’s a long time having to put up with it until then. I was happy with 2, but the 3rd definitely tipped me over the edge.
My boyfriend has 3 kids that were all conceived on birth control (I am sceptical about this and I believe he is too). Before the first one he didn't want kids and he definitely didn't want 3. He does have his moments when he wishes he didn't have them but when he does have them you can see his love just from his face. I have 1 child. I loved being pregnant and would love to do it all again but 4 is definitely enough for us. I just hope like you said I don't regret not having another one.
Hindsight is a beautiful thing. I do regret having a 2nd and maybe even my 1st. I love them beyond anything I’ll ever experience and I’m fiercely protective (crazy helicopter mum) BUT I miss my old life. They say that goes away and to a point it has but one is definitely easier and I think I would’ve stuck with one had I known. Another but, I had them quite close together so we’ve been in the trenches for almost 4yrs now. Also, on the flip side they are beyond in love with each other. They are inseparable which makes me glad I gave my 1st a sibling. Probably not much help but a different point of view for you.
Yes I do, and have always felt bad for feeling this way.
Love with all my heart but life has been a roller coaster and still is into adult life.