I don’t really know how to say or ask what I’m feeling, but here goes..
Does anyone feel like they’ve peaked early in life and wondering what remains in store for them in future? Like what is there to look forward to?
I purchased a home with my partner at 21, got married at 22, had our first child at 23, second at 25 and now at 28 we’ve almost paid our mortgage off. We built our home so there’s no work to be done nor do we want to buy another as we are happy here.
I guess I’m wondering where to from here? Once it’s paid off, what do we do with our life? I know there’s holidays and shopping etc. but is that what we do for the next 40+ years?
What do we work towards next? Besides property investments which aren’t really our thing.
17 Replies
I haven't done any of those things but I have so much to look forward to. I think you're looking at it the wrong way, those things aren't whats important at the end or fulfilling along the way. Do you have goals? Dreams? Places to visit? Skills to learn? Career dreams? Hobby dreams? A community to give to? A passion or special interest? Gardens to grow? Nothing is ever finished, it's just a journey and there is so much to do along the way as it's always changing.
Thanks for your reply! I think my problem is that I don’t have any goals or dreams that I really feel I need to work towards, I’m currently in a fantastic role that I love and don’t have room for progression as I’m as high up as I can be. It’s a very long term position too so I think possibly my life is just steady and there’s no excitement.
I find it really hard to find pleasure in things that aren’t really progression based and that’s probably why I’ve done everything so young.
Do you know where I could find my passion or interests? I want something that I can look forward to :(
I found mine through adventure, eventually I did something where it clicked and felt amazing and like I could do it for ever.
I've read somewhere that it's a combination of your skills, your interests and helping others.
There are lists of enjoyable things on the internet that you could read for some ideas - photography, art, cake decorating, swimming, bushwalking, team sports, diy, pottery, writing, marathons, surfing.
It does sound like you need something open ended, just for the enjoyment, and also to possibly change your views on goals being achievable and 'finished'. There is always always room for self development and that's where the joy comes from.
I find it funny how you find these things to be the peak of your life, they're the boring bits 😂. Maybe you have been so focused on these things you don't know what to do without them. Find out what gives you joy and use that as a new goal. I had my kids young and I'm nearly 40 now so the older my kids get the more I just want to do things I haven't done before. I love travelling within Australia and overseas, I will see a photo or hear about a really good place and I'm just like thats it, thats the next place we are going. The best is yet to come!
Thanks for your input! Honestly I hate travelling (right now haha) and with my children so young I’m a bit like well where to now? I don’t want to live through them, so really struggle with what comes next. I’m unsure where to find that spark of a thing that I enjoy as I’m in a good career that I enjoy and have am in the highest position I can be so I feel stuck I guess :(
Maybe that is your change. Start traveling with your children so young. I have done it with 3 under 5, we have been all over the world and I must say it’s been the most exciting, rewarding times of our lives. They have got to grow up appreciating how lucky they are. Get them out and about learning with life experiences through travel. Start living your life through your kids. You are lucky to be able to do this. Teach them young. It’s been the best thing for my kids. The difference is I do want to live through my kids. everuhting i do is for them. Maybe you should start with living your life through them now. Seeing the world through their eyes. Traveling with kids is the best teacher.
Some red flags 'i don't find pleasure in things' 'no spark or joy'. You sound depressed, go see your gp for a mental health care plan.
Thanks for your concern, though I think you’ve misread. I don’t find pleasure in things that don’t lead to more.. as in I’m driven by progression and a result at the end of things and not doing something just because.
I also said I haven’t found that spark not that I don’t find it :)
I’m definitely not depressed by any means I just feel I’m in a bit of a rut of where I go to from here, I don’t know what I work towards next in my life as I feel I’ve accomplished everything I ever wanted to achieve.
Try a career change then? Maybe something a bit more challenging that takes time to work up to the top.
Definitely time to reset the goalposts, change your thinking and expand your horizons. I mean its great to be happy with what you have got, but you really can't believe you have completed all there is to life?
Time to set some goals not relating to your home... career, travel, planning for retirement etc... you also need to consider that one day all this could fall from under you and you could be starting again... I was pretty much where you are. Then My husband the had an affair and left. I had to take my share and start again. Last thing I ever expected. If you’re bored (for lack of a better word) then maybe he is too. His what next could look very different than yours if you don’t start planning for everything else rather than focus on one thing.
Are kids just another thing ticked off the list? Because they are still little you still have to raise them another 18 or so years so I’d be spending time with them and making memories rather then chasing the jones’s so to speak.
Sounds like you need to find your passion and learn how to enjoy the little things that don't necessarily have an end game or produce something. As lovely as it is to have a good job, a couple of kids and an almost paid mortgage at 28 - there is so much more to life that you could accomplish or experience.
It seems you're motivated by productivity and you're very focused on achievements that have something to show for it, so when you're not working towards something you're feeling unfulfilled.
You don't always have to be working towards something, sometimes its nice to just stop and appreciate and enjoy all your hard work for a little bit, especially if you're not entirely sure what you want to do next!
I think having some personal goals, relationship goals and family goals would be good just to give yourself some direction but don't pressure yourself, you don't need to have it all figured out right this second.
Good luck x
Maybe it’s time to do some charity work? Volunteer, take up a hobby.
I suppose it depends on your definition of progression.
I’ve always worried about this. I had kids young so we are waiting to get married and do the house thing and will spread the two out over a while.
I know exactly what you’re talking about and what you mean. But I don’t think it’s the worst thing that could happen, it just means you need to make some new goals. Big and small.
Eventually you’ll probably need to down size or up size your house depending on grown kids living or moving from home, that’s a goal to work towards.
Have you ever wanted to travel?! I’ve always wanted to do egg donation, which is something I look forward to reaching way way down the track. Any other donation/volunteer work ect ect you can set your mind to?
I think it’s just about switching it up, setting some new goals for yourself to keep you motivated. I don’t think you peaked too early, I think your goals just ran out and now you need new ones
Wow lucky you.! Buy another home, rent it out. Buy yourselves a caravan take a trip around Australia. Have another baby. You are so lucky to be in this position at your age. So many opportunities for you without the hassle of mortgage. Get out and live your lives now, the world is your oyster.! Life is short and you never know what is around the corner. So just live it.!
Start focusing on your kids and living your life through them. Not in a mean way but it sounds like you are selfish when it comes to them. You have obviously worked.? maybe cut back and take them traveling or something spend quality time with them creating memories. You are very lucky to be in this position. You are a mum and if you don’t have future goals then I think you are missing what is most important in your life and that is your kids. they are your future.