Hi mum's.
I have an 11 year old son.
He's a happy, well rounded, respectful and responsible boy. His school reports are always glowing and everyone always comments on what a good kid he is!
My issue is that I have people constantly telling me he NEEDS to play a team sport or a solo sport (tennis and the like for example) competitively.
People keeps saying things like:
"He'll never learn how to be a team player if he doesn't play sports".
"He'll have self esteem problems if he doesn't learn a sport".
"He'll never learn self discipline or develop a good work ethic of he doesn't play sport".
"He'll struggle socially if he doesn't play sport".
"He needs the exercise, not playing a sport is encouraging laziness"
"Boys need sport to get their testosterone out".
"Boys need sport so they have a sense of purpose".
"He'll never learn how to win and lose graciously without sports".
And lastly my favourite from a decrepit relative -
"You'll raise a fairy who doesn't know how to be a man" 🙄🙄
I'm just like, what?
He has a great group of mates and doesn't struggle to make new ones. His self esteem is fine, he's fit and active (amongst other things, he's constantly outside climbing trees, bouncing on trampoline or riding his bike which he also rides to and from school daily). He has no issue with rules or authority, he's even taken on some leadership roles at school. He never needs reminding about his homework or remembering his responsibilities (he's better at that than many adults I know) so I don't think he has an issue with self discipline and work ethic.
He always happily competes in the school athletic, swimming and cross country carnivals, as well as participating in his weekly PE lessons so he knows how to show good sportsmanship and working as a team.
He's a gentle soul, he's never been into rough and tumble play and never been into that competitive sports culture.
I have asked him numerous times if he'd like to join the soccer, footy, cricket teams, even scouts and he's always adamantly said he doesn't want to so I've respected his wishes. He has plenty of interests so it's not like he sits around all day doing nothing!
Is playing sports really the be all, end all?
I don't disagree that team sports are hugely beneficial for lots of children, I'm just so sick of people looking at me like I'm from mars (and subsequently judging my parenting choices) when I tell them my son doesn't do any extra curricular sports/activities!
Surely I'm not damaging my kid for not forcing the issue??
6 Replies
He doesn’t NEED a sport. Nobody NEEDs one.
It’s nice to do, if the child enjoys it.
Your son sounds lovely and well rounded.
He doesn’t engage in any extra curricular activities? Even ones that are not sport? Are you sure he is as confident as you have made out? (I don’t want that to sound judgy more opening you to a possibility that maybe the idea is a little overwhelming for him. If you do believe he is your his mum and you know best.)
I have the opposite problem my son would do everything and anything given the chance. I feel so guilty having to say no to things because I love his drive and his willingness to try anything. I get judged as people think my son does too much. I’m ok with that though because if I have the time and he is in I make it happen. If I dont he literal climbs my walls.. hehe
Kids absolutely get a lot out of sport, or creative arts etc it’s nice for them to have other outlets (apart from school). And research shows that it definitely helps brain development.
That said if he is content that’s ok too... we are all different and maybe he hasn’t found his niche yet.
Thanks for your perspective.
He is quite content to just do his own thing, he's a creative kid that likes to draw and write stories so I 100% encourage and facilitate this. He's an avid reader too, so he'd much sooner spend an hour in the library on a Friday arvo rather than standing out in a cold field kicking a ball (his words lol). He does well socially and likes to socialise, he's is a tad on the introverted side (like myself) and I think the older he's getting, the more he appreciates that time he gets to just recharge in his own way.
I think by encouraging sports/activities you encourage socialisation, teach them how to build friendships and relationships whilst also encouraging healthy lifestyles, good fitness and preventing obesity. My son is eager to try sports absolutely loves them. He’s never been the most confident or social kid but he’s grown so much since starting sports in the last few years. My ex scoffs at the idea of him playing teams sports becasue well computer games are “life” I only gave my son a little push he’s the one who’s kept it up. One of his mates doesn’t do any sports becasue he doesn’t want to miss out on computer games and his social skills are pretty shot and comes across really rude to others and my son has even said he finds it hard when he tells his sporting mates or others he knows for other reasons to go away becasue he doesn’t want them to join in the conversation. My son and his best mate are inseparable but I wish he was more socialble so they could expand their friends group I think they could both benefit from having more than just each other.
As long as your son is fit and healthy and can run to save his life and is well rounded and has good friends and can socialise without being rude. I wouldn’t worry too much.
My kids don't play sports either, when they were younger I enrolled them in several things and it was just so exhausting getting 4 kids to all if these different things everyday. They were always miserable but I pursued because thats what good parents do apparently. Then we moved to a town that had nothing to offer the kids as far as structured activities go and it was probably the best thing ever. They just did what they wanted in the afternoon, there was always a house full of kids. We moved back to the city and I have not enrolled them in one thing. They are learning an instrument each thanks to youtube, we go to the oval every afternoon where they can walk, run or do cartwheels. Nothing structured besides school. They can survive quite well without it although talents should be nurtured but not to the point they dread doing it.
I have friends who Lost it at me when my daughter gave up netball. “You need to make her!” I was told by several “friends” Umm yeah 1) MAKE my stubborn arse daughter play netball against her will? Yep I so want to be that parent! 2) $200 is much better spent on doing things that make her/us happy than something that forces us to fight several times a week! You know your kid hun, tell them to mind their own business! Sport should make a kid happy if it doesn’t then I say screw it it’s not important!