I have a 2yo daughter and her dad and I broke up when she was around 4 months. There is a history of domestic violence and other issues. We had mediation at the end of last year, I initiated it as I was over the inconsistency and wanted to encourage a more stable relationship. He attended mediation, but pretty much stated that he needed 6 months to get his life on track (job, license etc.) then we can reassess. In that time he has only had contact with her twice for about 2hours all up, and didn't even contact her for her 2nd birthday. It is coming up to the 6 months and from what I know still no job or license. So my question is should I initiate mediation again and try and keep encouraging a relationship for my daughter sake or just leave the ball in his court. I feel like I am letting my daughter down for not fighting for them to have a relationship, but at the same time I feel it is not my job to force him to see her. Also he is telling everyone that I am keeping her from him when that isn't true and it's really upsetting me.
Any advice would be appreciated!
Advice on child's relationship with other parent
Advice on child's relationship with other parent
Posted in:
Parenthood Guilt, Kids
6 Replies
You can not control anyone’s actions so therefore you can’t be held responsible for his lack of parenting.
Place your energy in being your little misses mum, make her life magic. She won’t know the difference she is too young yet.
I think it will just break your heart over and over..
You can't fight and you can't force him. It is nothing to do with you, let it be what it is as my experience is getting to what it is, is the hardest part for kids to get through, if that happens while shes young, it's much better. Be the mother she needs, and that's all she needs.
He’s a dead beat dad and abusive so he is always going to blame you for his inadequacies, and if it isn’t about access to your child it will be that you are a ‘crap mother’ or some such nonsense.
Unfortunately all you can do is rise above it.
I wouldn’t initiate mediation or contact him. He knows where you are and he knows there are systems in place if he wants to use them. If he wants to be a dad it’s up to him to get the ball rolling now and prove he is serious. He probably won’t do that though and will eventually disappear.
Nope not your problem anymore. You’ve made some effort and the rest should be up to him.
If you are able to, I’d text him now and say that you are aware the six months is coming up but you aren’t sure if he will have things sorted and that you’ll leave it up to him to head to mediation when he is ready.
The balls in his court then! And he knows it damn wel
I know exactly how this feels, my daughters father hasn’t seen her in almost a year, she also just recently turned 2. He has mental health issues and I’ve tried and tried to help him to see her and to develop a relationship with her, but it never sticks and he just gives up.
I’ve decided that I can’t force the situation and he won’t be involved unless it’s something he actually wants. Which clearly he doesn’t right now.
My best advice to you is, to focus on the good relationships your daughter currently has. The relationship the 2 of you share and all those family members that show an interest in being apart of her life. For us, my daughter still maintains a great relationship with her fathers parents and I love that she still has them.I’d much rather spend my energy on those that appreciate the effort than those that don’t.
Its so hard trying to do the best for your child, good luck.
Some relationships aren't worth fighting for..... this is one of them.
If he wants to see her get some cuirt orders in place. Otherwise enjoy your daughter