My son is 3.
A typical boy, loves playing outside, loves cars and trucks and getting dirty.
He's always busy.
He is a gentle and caring boy, gentle with animals and other children, very cuddly and snuggly, confident, outgoing etc.
In recent months, he has started being quite aggressive. Hitting, kicking, screaming and spitting. All behaviours you really don't want to be a habit.
While a lot of it could be put down to typical child behaviour, I'll also point out that his father laft at the start of the year, after quite a toxic relationship, and he hasn't seen him in over a month.
So I could understand if he's going through a bit of emotional stress too.
I don't smack him, and I find that time outs have been quite successful in the past. He also responds really well to reward systems.
However, this is beginning to fail, as his behaviour just amplifies and he becomes inconsolable, difficult and really quite out of control. I'm at my wits end.
He is strong and can inflict pain on the people he lashes out at and I'm worried that he will injure my disabled mother or himself.
I'm really just looking for different techniques I can use to encourage him to express himself when he's upset or angry and channel that energy into something useful instead of aggression.
I don't want to smack him, EVER. I don't find it productive.
Any suggestions would be great.
Thanks in advance.
2 Replies
This is all completely normal considering what your little one is going through. For a 3 year old boy in general to display these behaviours but the environment before his dad left, his dad leaving and then him not seeing his dad. One of those alone is enough to cause the behaviour you have described, all 3 together would be sending him into chaos. He would be feeling so many emotions a 3 year old just can not process or express. His little mind would be in turmoil rIght now and I can tell by what you wrote you are trying your best and are an amazing mum, this is a lot on your ex and a lot you have/had no control over.
My suggestions would be.
* lots of love, understanding and kindness. Role model the behaviour and interactions you want to see.
* try and keep a structured routine as much as you can. Do the same things, in the same order every day. Predictability makes them feel more in control.
* use lots of words to describe how your feeling, how he might be feeling, read books about feelings etc, give him the words he needs basically.
* with my son I could see situations a lot before they were about to happen. I could tell just before he was about to lash out and would intervene.
I left an abusive relationship when my son was 3 and my daughter was 5. I found my son was the same as yours, he really struggled and he was still seeing his dad (although at times I think that was harder). He was not only struggling but had learned behaviour, he was only mimicking how he saw his dad treat me when he was angry and frustrated. It took time and a lot of patience, along with the consistancy of the things i mentioned above to get my sweet boy back, but he did come back! Hang in there xx
How is his speech. Maybe encourage him to articulate his frustration. Does he need speech therapy?
Acknowledge it in the moment.
“Hey buddy I can see your getting frustrated, let’s maybe go on the slide or the swing (distraction).”
“Hey buddy I can see your getting cross but remember to be kind”
Is he sleeping enough?
Try and desculate the situation early in the tantrum/behaviour. Give him the consequences give him a chance to respond and then follow through.
What ever you do you just need to be consistent.