Hi,
Never thought I would ever be faced with considering this, but I’m early stages pregnant with number 3 and have no idea whether we should continue with this pregnancy. I have two little children already, married, stable income and home etc. My marriage is good. We are always always careful and on contraception so It was a huge shock when a few symptoms showed, and my period was late. I had always said and thought to myself, I could never ever have a termination but I am really considering it. I feel like the worst person ever, I really do. And I’m scared I might regret it, but I really don’t want to have any more kids. I have had some mental health issues in the past months that I’m finally on top of, and I’m scared that having another child will put pressure on lots of things, not just financially. My husband is happy to support whatever I want to do. We did the pros and cons, and the cons do out weigh but i did say some of the reasons feel selfish. He said, it’s selfish to have a kid you don’t want. And I feel really unattached to this pregnancy - will I continue to feel like this if I progress with the pregnancy??? I just don’t know what to do. Can anyone share some experiences with either?
Termination?
Termination?
Posted in:
Parenthood Guilt, Health & Wellbeing
26 Replies
I am so pro choice in this matter. Selfish or not you have one life. Live it to your beat.
You have nothing to feel selfish for.
Nobody can tell you how you will feel about it, that depends on your thinking and perspective.
I am pro choice, either way.
Personally I’d find a local non biased counsellor to have a chat too. Or if you have a mental health professional talk to them.
There is nothing selfish about choosing not to have it. Sometimes it’s the most selfless act you can make.
I think it's a tough decision either way but you have a strong marraige win supportive husband win loving stable home win , you can plan to get mentally prepared now should you decide to not terminate however you may also have mental health issues if you do that maybe will present after or for years ! Maybe it's meant to be you may feel reattached now but you will have to love with your decision only you know what is best for your family but you have a lot of awesome pluses to start with , I think anyone who has kids meaning some husbands has mental health issues they drive us insane and then there is the actual kids lol good luck
No. Your unborn son or daughter has a heartbeat and his or her own unique DNA code. Don’t kill. If you can’t cope with another, put him or her up for adoption. They don’t have to end up in foster care, there are adoption agencies who can help.
Oh fuck off.
Why? Her baby has a right to their life too
No, it’s a bunch of cells that DOESN’T have a heartbeat yet.. it has no right to its life!
Fuck directly off. Have some compassion for this poster.
Killing her baby isn’t compassionate
I’ve been in this situation and I terminated. This was a couple years ago and still to this day I regret it.
I am totally pro choice. If I were in this situation I hands down would terminate.. we absolutely do not see a third child in our future and it is something we absolutely do not want. I hated pregnancy, I actively avoid falling pregnant by using contraception and if that contraception fails me then I will do something about it.
You were using contraception to prevent this, I think that in itself is enough reason to not need to move forward with the pregnancy.
We're too "young" supposedly to have tubes tied/get the snip so have to wait a few more years which is frustrating :(
Have the termination then go and get yourself fixed, seems like to best option as your obviously weren’t careful enough and look at the situation your in now.
I was in a similar situation nearly 12 months ago... we had decided we didn’t want anymore kids, then I was complacent with my dates and ended up pregnant.. I was in shock and really didn’t want to be pregnant or change our current lifestyle. I felt really guilty and selfish. After a few weeks I started to warm to the idea. We eventually ended up having a miscarriage and I felt really sad but also slightly relieved that life didn’t have to change. No one can tell what you should do unfortunately, but go with your gut feeling. Good luck x
I agree! Go with you gut!
This is a very tricky one to answer as I think you could have guilt/regret regardless of whether you terminate or not. Perhaps see your GP and go to counselor?
Honestly motherhood can be such a hard job so I can understand your thinking especially since you’ve just got on top of your mental health.
Hugs to you xo
Seek an unbiased professional to help you think through your decision.
I can't tell you how you might feel afterwards but I was in a similar position to you. Happy marriage, 2 children already, financially okay but emotionally and mentally spent (eldest was diagnosed with autism, husband was diagnosed with depression as well as aspergers) so we opted to terminate. We came to this decision very quickly and I opted for the D&C. It was a fairly quick procedure, I took some medicine the night before, went to the clinic in the morning and was out in time for lunch. I had light cramps for a few days afterwards but a fairly painless experience. Emotionally, I felt nothing but relief and having lived through those struggles and life adjustments during that time I feel like we made the right decision for our family.
I am pro choice. I’ve had one abortion when I was 20 and it wasn’t to my husband now, I do not regret it one bit because I wouldn’t have the life I have now. Different circumstances obviously but once you’ve made a decision don’t look back. Xx
Keep the baby if I was you. You are lucky to have a supportive husband. I had my 3rd and I couldn’t imagine my life without her. She was the most amazing gift. I say it’s obviosuly meant to be.
You will regret it. Just go with it. As the baby grows so you will you. I think this little one is meant to be.
Mumma because of the indecision of what you should do. A part of you is already feeling guilt. Hun if you choose to terminate be prepared for a massive feel of guilt and depression.. but that will slowly pass when all your hurt starts to be taken over with the thoughts of how you did what was best for you. You wouldn't be human if the wave of guilt didn't strike. Once you start to focus on what you have and not what you lost. You will be back to the best possible mumma you can be to your children. Whatever you choose, you will be ok. Us woman will feel guilt with whatever we choose, until we can forgive ourselves xo.
You are loved no matter what you choose ❤
This reply is perfect. Absolutely true.
My heart goes out to you making such a tough decision. I am currently snuggled up with Ms 10 weeks- a huge surprise baby number 3. A baby I booked a termination for, but then couldn't do it. Similarly- happy marriage, stable income, big enough home... but I have no support network & was worried about the impact on my career, mental health, lifestyle. Ultimately, for me, a babies life wasn't a reasonable price to spend to keep my lifestyle and all its trimmings. I was borrowing trouble with "what ifs" that may never evaluate. Honestly, I felt a bit detached the whole pregnancy but now baby is extremely loved, cherished, like a part of me had been missing and i hadn't even known. She completes our family and has slotted in like a dream. The guilt I would carry to the grave with a termination would have damaged my mental health more than the short/sharp sleep deprivation period. I don't judge another woman's decisions- you do you- just sharing my experience where it has actually all worked out. Sometimes it is meant to be and brings far more to your life than it could possibly take xx
Children by choice is a great organisation who can offer you counselling so you make the right decision for you.
I’m in a similar situation at the moment and have really thought deeply and decided I can’t bring another baby into my life right now. My reasons are all selfish but what would be more selfish is bringing another baby I don’t want and forcing my exiting children to miss out because I got pregnant. It’s a tough choice and not one you take lightly. You need to do what is right for your family, what is right for you. Reach out to the services available and get the counselling to help you make the decision.
I was in the exact same situation as you. I have two beautiful young children and i knew within myself that i was done. Then found out i was pregnant with #3 i was a mess but i already had so much resent for the unborn baby that i didn't know if it would change once born. I got a termination and it 100% the right choice for me. I felt guilty making the decision but i don't regret it nor do i feel guilty now
We found ourselves in a similar situation last year. With two beautiful little boys we decided that our family was complete and hubby got the snip. A week later I found out I was already pregnant 😬 Initially hubby was 100% against going ahead with the pregnancy. He had been dealing with many mental health and alcohol abuse issues and felt that nothing positive could ever come from having another baby. I was on the fence as I was about to return to work and regain my life after being a SAHM for three years. After weighing up our options we decided that for his sake I would get a termination, but this decision weighed heavily on me when he didn’t support me in the way I expected afterward the decision was made. I realised that terminating for his sake would be a mistake, and that I had to be 100% sure that it was the right choice for me too. We both started seeing psychologists and got some counselling and realised that for the best chance of our marriage surviving we should actually go ahead with the pregnancy. He stopped drinking and found himself in a way better headspace. Bub is now 4 weeks old and although it’s early days we have no regrets about our choice. Our lives will be different to how we anticipated but the way that I see it is that you’ll never regret having another baby but you might regret not having one.
I think you should do whatever your guts telling you.
If you feel as though it's not the time for it them do whatever is necessary for you and your family.
Contraception isn't always 100%, I'm a pill and condom baby! So don't even pay any heed to what some ridiculous people say about 'having' to go through with it. Your body, your choice!
Although I can't give you any feedback on an extra child (as I'm not a mother). Do whatever best suits you, your hubby and family!
Good luck