Please no judgement
I'm a full time single mum to a 4 year old. She's never met her dad so it's always been just me and her. I moved away when she was born to just escape and start over.
5 months ago I moved back home. I now have my family and friends. It's so nice. I feel happier. But I've always craved me time. When I was away I never got any I didn't have any one to mind her so I never got to do anything with out her.
I'm at the stage now where I'm craving to go out. To date to go to a party or two. Is that bad I feel like that.
I actually live with my mum but she is reluctant to have her and if she does she will time it and she makes me feel on edge when I'm out I'm always looking at my phone waiting for her to call or me accidentally being back late, I was yelled at when I was 10 minutes late home one day.
It's ripping at me that my mum is a child care teacher. She talks about her kids day in and day out how much she loves them. How that if they have any problems the will come up to her and not pay other teacher. When my daughter is sad she will push her away and come to me even when we live together, I thought she would be close to her. When she gets home she goes on to Pinterest to look at activities to do druing the week with them but she won't so any with my daughter. She spends all day with these kids but it's a huge deal for her to take her granddaughter out for a milk shake. Just for my daughters sake to have those memories. Because she is her only grandparent. She doesn't have much family. My daughter has now started to call her by her name and not grandma.
I don't go out much and if I do it's on a Sunday that's the only time I get an hour or maybe 2 on a Sunday. That's okay but for some reason I feel like it's not enough and I don't know why. I'm on young so maybe that's it. I see all my friends either partying or getting married and it's crushing me. I can't date because I don't want to take my daughter along that wouldn't be right to her. So I feel like I'm forever going to be single. My mum is the only one to take care of her. My sisters don't want any time with her. Even when I'm in the room with her. I know I sound selfish but it's sending me crazy.
3 months ago I was in hospital for attempted suicide because I felt like life wasn't going to get any better.
But tonight I'm feeling very down. I feel like leaving her behind and running away. It's so hard. Everything is so hard. From doing everything from the second I found out I was pregnant I feel burnt out. Ive forgotten who I am.
Why am I feeling like this? Will it ever go away.
There are moments I love her to bits especially now she is older and can play on her own and ask me for help instead of crying. I can have more fun with her. But then come night times and I feel so down and scared. I don't have a job im seeing an agency but with all my appointments with her (she has behavioral problems) we see an OT, a pediatrician, and goes to behavioral play sessions. Along with my councling apportionments. 4 appointments it's adding up to a week at the moment. I think do I even have time to work and I really want to.
I keep thinking if I run away get it all out of my system the heart break of my ex. The being so young becoming a mum, loosing my job and carrier to fix all the broken parts in me it will all be okay and I'll be the best mum out there.
4 years later and I'm still feeling the way I was when I left my ex because he didn't want to be a dad hit me and then cheated on me.
Has any one else ever felt like this.
9 Replies
O My God . THIS again 🙄.
I thought the same 🤦🏼♀️
Ok, get yourself some help and move out. Get a part time job, get your child into care etc and get out into workforce - it'll do wonders for your mental health.
I have a heap of appointments and make them all on the day that I don't work - Friday. It's hard, but I make it work. You have to grow up a bit hun.
Also, you don't see a paed every day. OT and speech etc are usually once or twice a week, so that leaves HEAPS of hours work or study.
Honestly you need to stop posting here and start being proactive!
The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result.
Pay a babysitter to go out.
Get a job - those of us with one still have to fit in appts. 4 appointments is what 4-6 hours a week, another 2 tops for counselling so 6-8? It's one day, not a week. I worked 7am to 12pm, had a psych appt at 12:30 30 mins away and a second job to go to that started at 3pm so from 1:30 to 2:30 had an hour to get my shit back together before facing the night shift. You make it work when it's truly important, not excuses.
Move out.
You're not the only young mum, many of us were probably a bit too young the first time around and my son was 4 when I obtained my first full time job. No career or even FT job before I had him so in 17 years have moved from a labouring position to middle management and now training for senior management. Your career is hardly over...There are so many industries in Australia using foreign labour because Aussies don't want to do the work, look them up and get on board. Best part is to get into one of them it might force you to move to a different area, moving back home certainly didn't do you any favours. Moving forward, seeing traction and a future is the key to stop dwelling in a 4 year old past and lamenting over it doesn't aid any of these.
So first of all you need to organise your time better, you can hire a baby sitter
Maybe your mum doesn’t want to baby sit when she comes home? I work with kids all day long and when I come home and on the weekends I don’t want to be baby sitting my nieces,
You can still have a job and a career after having a kid, maybe you need to do some study and try something
You don’t see a pediatrician every week, and you have four appointments a week plenty of time to study or work. Stop the woo is me, plenty of you g women are single mums and get on with it
We all crave me time when our kids are young! At this age me time is a long bath or engaging in a hobby at home while the kid is asleep.
You need to switch your focus and stop thinking you are the only one.
I was a single mum at 20, my son has severe disabilities. Speech therapy, OT, physio, psych were all on our weekly schedule. You are not alone, and you are not the only one to go through this. Plus the therapy homework at home. If you really want to work you will find something.
I can promise you though it gets easier. School is just around the corner. Now you need to find some hobbies and interests you can do at home when your child is in bed and start to work on mindfulness etc. allowing yourself to perseverate in these issues isn’t helpful to you.
You need to stop blaming your mum for your life. Your mum is exhausted. She raised her children and she works in childcare, which is brutal! And if you are who I think you are, is burnt out from her life with your dad. I think re-examining things from your mums point of view would be helpful.
Running away won’t help. It won’t fix you and all it will do is create a new set of problems, including a child who will most likely be in foster care and you will have a hell of a time getting back. Doesn’t mean I haven’t wanted to run away at times.
What will help is focusing on what you can do. I can build a life for myself and my daughter, it’s just on a different schedule. I will have time to date in the future, and even if I’m single, that doesn’t mean I’ll be sad and lonely. I can make friends with other mums and engage in hobbies in the home. I can work part time or study. You need to challenge your negative thought patterns and replace them with positive ones.
Ladies, with all the events in the news of late you would think there would be a little more compassion when someone posts repeatedly asking for help. This Mum is asking for help and has hinted at some pretty serious things. Either give advice or don't comment. Don't make someone feel worse for asking for help.