i have a 13 year old daughter, all in all she’s pretty sensible, bit of a bad attitude but that comes with the territory!!!!
I have always checked her phone, she’s always been ok with this, I don’t ever broadcast what I read, just the odd flick through messages, never in front of her, and I don’t exactly tell her I’ve done it, but I have approached her with a couple of things I’ve read over time, one quite disturbing from another child and had to be brought to her parents attention
She’s now started complaining that no other parents check their kids phones and I can trust her, I tell her I do, I absolutely do, I don’t always trust the other kids!! I’d be broken to discover she’d been bullied etc and only finding out after she’d done something terrible!! And I’ve told her that....
Also she has a boyfriend, they use different social media platforms, and i asked her not to always message on media that deletes messages straightaway, mostly because she has had trouble in the past and I had no proof 🤷♀️ Her boyfriends mother actually agrees with me, though they do keep doing it..... apparently EVERYONE else does, and I’m being unreasonable,
I understand there’ll be very mixed responses regarding reading messages, I’ve made it clear to her that I have never and would never tell anyone, including her father, and I only do it to protect her, I’m terrified of her being bullied and having no idea until it’s too late!!
How much freedom do your teens get?
9 Replies
Sorry, but if she can’t follow the rules, then it’s perfectly reasonable to take her phone away as a punishment. She is 13, she is very lucky to have a smart phone! I’d probably swap for a cheap text only phone for now. She is 13, not 16.
She needs to earn your trust and using apps that delete messages isn’t doing that.
Teenagers will always complain that everyone else gets to do something/don’t have to blah blah blah. They know it pushes your buttons, don’t let them use that to manipulate you. The truth is some parents will be overly permissive with tech, some will be overly strict with it.
Your job is to care about your daughter, and for her to earn your trust. Not be her friend and worry about what other kids get to do.
100% agree, sounds like this child is being treated like a 16 year old not a 13 year old.
I’m confused, does she know you go through her phone or do you take it while she isn’t looking and put it back before she notices?
She knows I do it, I just don’t do it in front of her, when it’s charging on the bench, I don’t tell her when I’ve checked, just brought it up if there’s something iffy on there, she’s know it will be randomly checked
She knows I do it, I just don’t do it in front of her, when it’s charging on the bench, I don’t tell her when I’ve checked, just brought it up if there’s something iffy on there, she’s know it will be randomly checked
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13 and has a boyfriend and a smart phone? Damn sure I'd be checking it. And no way would my 13 year old be able to have a boyfriend!
I feel like even though her friends say their parents don't check their phones they probably do - they just don't know about it!
If she can't follow the rules you set up, there should be repercussions. If she's followed them so far, what's she doing now to have her thoughts change. Honestly as another comment has said, if she can't follow the rules of a smart phone, swap it out for a cheap $60 phone that can call and send messages.
All the jids use snapcaht these days over anything else.
I have never checked my daughter's phone. She talks to me about anything she needs to raise.