Opinion
Can I say ladies I have posted a couple of times of the years about a few different issues I have being a mother and I must say many of you a keyboard warriors attacking someone for asking for advice particularly when step parenting is an issue it’s not only my posts I have noticed it on but others as well at times because of your harsh words and exclamations as well as your childish emojis I have felt heartbroken ,harassed , and been made feel a second class citizen.
I thought we were supposed to be here to support each other as mothers not to be made feel worthless isolated or as if we are bad parents step parenting is harder than anything else trying to do your best for a child you love as you own but your opinion,knowledge and love are disregarded just because your not the biological parent
I’m not going to bother asking you all not to comment because many of you won’t be able to help yourself you will have to try and defend your actions I just hope that others that have felt this way might see this and know they are not alone.
We are all mothers here and you are all doing the best you can you are all doing an amazing job in your own way
Just to let you all know I understand we all have different opinions and don’t expect everyone to agree all the time but when people are blatantly attacked just for venting or asking an opinion particularly when it’s about a step parenting issue but it is not ok at any time for any reason
My own opinion
My own opinion
Posted in:
Parenthood Guilt
20 Replies
This is a tricky one. Because on one hand does that mean you always expect everyone to agree? Is that your understanding of support?
There are def people here whom maybe a little too harsh but you can’t always expect people to agree with your opinion or actions...
I have given up posting step parent posts here, for some people decide the step parent is automatically the bad guy. My posts would get ripped apart and blown up into something it wasn't and I copped all kinds of accusations like I shouldn't be with my partner because I'm mentally damaging his children and I was playing favourites with my brat kids. This was after taking so much care to write in a way that explained the situation really well and did not speak negatively about anyone involved in the situation at all, only the situation itself.
People often insert their own experience to situations which is def unfair. There are some petty step parent issues posted also though.
I think a lot of the time, we come here to post anon because we know it's a touchy subject that can be ridiculed. So in one respect, I'm not sure why you're surprised. Esp step parent questions... every .an and his dog has an opinion. And it's your choice if you let it get to you or not.
I once wrote in about my MIL got my kids names tattooed on her before me and I was literally slammed about being petty and selfish and self-absorbed. And no one understood why I was upset and said I should be honoured she loves them so much. At the end of the day, I couldn't let those comments get me down. I knew I had valid feelings and justified it all on my own. Let myself feel shitty and got over it. Ain't nobody going to try and knock down.
My mother did that as well! It pissed me off beyond all belief. She visits when the day they are born then the next day turns up to the hospital with their names tattooed on her back!
I tend to think there is a small group of venomous key board warriors here who absolutely loath the step parents (probably due to their own issues) and any questions in relation to these matters always get a much better and well balanced response once things land on Facebook and people can no longer hide behind the anonymity.
I totally agree, I have posted a similar post a while ago, I am a step parent and get so attacked by keyboard warriors. This page ended up sharing my post on their facebook and the responses were so so kind! I ended up deleting my post because it put me into tears reading the response on here (the anonymous). I couldn't deal with it
I ended up typing my issues acting like I was the Bio mum, I have also rewritten my original step parent post and the responses were so so friendly and different.
I don't know why but people must think u are just a piece of shit when you have the courage to love a child that you don't have to love and put up with everyone's crap on top of all. On the end you seperate and kid gets taken away from u and u have no choice. An d nobody can ever empathise with that pain. Sham eon keyboard warriors
Look, I've seen some disgusting, vile and personal attacks from commenters on this page but generally that sort of crap is few and far between and it's not specific to step mum's alone.
To be entirely honest. I'm reluctant to actually be straight forward, offer a different perspective, disagree or express that I feel the poster may be being unreasonable (if they are) on step parenting questions these days because apparently that automatically makes you a keyboard warrior, a troll or a bully.
I've learnt quite a few things from posting my own questions here.
If you come here wanting nothing more than to be vindicated or told you're right, being absolutely unwilling to take constructive advice or differing opinions and getting defensive - you're going to be disappointed with the responses you get.
You need to have a thick skin and you need to be prepared to get advice or opinions that might be hard to take on board, that you might disagree with, that might be irrelevant or that might offend you.
People do need to stop being dicks but people also need to stop getting so worked up if someone says something they don't like.
So how can you explain, that I wrote a post about an issue as a step parent, created some very mean feedback and when I wrote the same post two weeks later acting to be the Bio mum got all the kindness I. The world?
I can't get my head around it
Like i said. I have seen some step parenting posts get unnecessarily mean spirited comments but I'd be pretty willing to bet they come from the same people who are cruel on other posts too. You can't know that your 2 posts even had the same people commenting and you know what? Asking the same question from the perspective of a bio mum and a step mum has different connotations so you're going to get different answers!
Let's be real though. This speech above was obviously in light of the step parenting question from below.
That was petty and judgemental and people told her so.
Frankly I'm a little tired of these type of "stop picking on the step parents" posts whenever there's a step parenting question that's given honest non sugar coated responses.
Oh... I remember a while back where there was a post as the step and then a little later the post as the bio for the same situation. From memory everyone called the second post out as trolling though. I think you need to let this go and either accept that different opinions to your own exist or stop asking for opinions/participating in a public forum.
I agree!
A t the end of the day mum gets the parenting say and step mum should not judge and whinge especially on petty things. Calling the mum brainless is an issue, look at all the other mums that do exactly the same. See how that one poster was also happy to call us all idiots too, for our choice with our children. It's not ok to tear at another mums ways.
If you don't want opinions, don't ask for them.
You cannot control the idiots
In fairness, there was a very recent post where a woman was very clearly told that her expectations of her partner were too high and that what she said he did was what everyone thought was ideal from a step parent. It goes both ways. If your posts are getting a strong view the opposite to yours, then it's a reflection that it's how others genuinely feel.
I think it's not so much what you say but how you say it! Like others have said, be prepared for others opinions different to yours.
I have always highly respected step mummies, stepping up when the child isn’t theirs.
My son has a step mum, never had a problem.
However, since I joined this page, I see where the evil step mum character comes from.
So many step mums being so petty, judgemental, critical, vindictive, I’m better than bio mum attitudes, I can’t believe it.
I think it stems from insecurity, so glad I haven’t had to deal with that nonsense.
In terms of that post, I absolutely see the step mums side, having a child with inappropriate clothing in the cold, it’s not a good look. Having said that, my kid often won’t wear a jumper and it isn’t worth the drama sometimes, so I kind of see bio mums point too. But step mum is right, kids should be appropriately dressed for the weather, it’s pretty simple, black and white. How step mum communicates this will show who she really is. I have a feeling this step mummy will handle it like a pro as she clearly has good intentions.
I still haven’t gotten over the step mum who’s step child always just has a pony tail and when she sees her, she says, come here, let me fix your hair 😂😂😂😂
The pony tail one always stuck with me too. It's hard to beleive people can be that petty!
I think the one below is a matter of perspective though. Of course kids need to be dressed weather appropriately but that's going to mean something different to everyone.
I'm Tasmanian so 15 degrees at 3pm in July is unheard of to me, I'd consider that a beautiful day by our winter's standards and wouldn't be overly concerned about jackets, i dont really make a fuss about coats and beanies unless it drops below 10. Where as someone from far north Queensland for example, would most likely be freezing their crack off if it dropped to 15 degrees lol.
Yeah true, we are on opposite sides of the country lol
Thought of this post today. It's 15 degrees overnight where I am at the moment. Work was whinging about needing to sleep with only a sheet despite it being winter because it's so hot lol.