Hi ladies,
I don’t know where to begin to be honest. I feel so alone and my depression is getting the best of me.
I’m a mum to a 1 and a half year old boy and recently found out I’m pregnant again. My partner and I have come to the conclusion that we won’t be continuing on with the pregnancy due to my mental illness being unstable. It’s hard enough most of the time with my son.
But I just don’t know if I truly want to go through with the termination. It’s been playing on my mind constantly for the past few days and I told my partner about this but he doesn’t want another child, especially not anytime soon.
I understand where he’s coming from and I do agree that deep down it’s for the best not to keep it but I also have mixed feelings thinking that maybe I actually do want to have this baby.
Please no judgemental comments, I’m hurting enough as it is.
Termination
Termination
Posted in:
Pregnancy
22 Replies
I would tend to agree with your partner on this one. If you can’t cope with the one child you already have why would you have another? I can understand that you may want to keep this baby, but it doesn’t sound like it would do you or your family any good. Your partner has a choice in this as well and he has been honest with saying he doesn’t want it. Wether he changes his mind in a few years (when you are stable and can cope) or wether you only have one child because of your mental health. I can empathise with your situation, but your mental health and they health of your relationship with both your payer and your other child should take priority of keeping this pregnancy
Yeah, that’s spot on really. I just need to get my head together and accept the reality that I most likely, more than likely will have to terminate.
I’m not against abortion, I’m pro choice and I always have been.
It’s just that I think about my son having and wanting a sibling, having another baby close in age to him and I miss the newborn stage soooo much!!
I really do understand that BUT Even if you have another baby in a few years your son is still going to live his sibling with all his might. I say this as a child of a parent with mental illness. My mother was sick, she never got treated properly because she was in denial. She kept having babies, god I wish she had of sorted her shit out before having more kids. We didn’t have a good child hood because she couldn’t keep her shit together. We are all adults now and still struggle because of what she put us through. Please I implore you to seek the help you need before adding to your family. I really do wish you all the best
Thank you for comment x
My mother also has a severe mental illness as well as my brother, younger sister and myself. I’m so scared that my son will eventually become mentally ill 😢
It seems to be highly genetic on my mum’s side.
He’s a good boy now but it’s always in the back of my mind about the future.
Maybe I’m crazy for even wanting to continue on with this pregnancy.
My mum has bipolar, my brother has schizophrenia and an intellectual disability. I have Aspergers. I am glad I’m alive and wasn’t allowed to abort me, even though she was only 16 when I was conceived.
Please allow your baby to continue to live
As much as I would’ve loved to have this baby, I have decided to terminate the pregnancy.
It's your decision to make. Rationally you can know one thing, but if your heart says keep it you know you'll be able to make it work. It's 2 kids not 7.
Thinking down the line, plan for if he was to leave you and you're doing it alone, would you choose to have 1 or 2? What can you cope with, afford etc. That's your answer.
Well that’s another stress to add to the list- financial hardship. It comes and goes all the time for us and I’m often borrowing money from my parents to help out.
So I’m a bloody mess in general :( I know that I couldn’t do it alone if he was to leave me. I had post natal depression and post natal psychosis with my son and that’s still an on going problem but I’m getting the right help and it’s gotten much better to what it was.
Although, I remember it put our relationship under a huge amount of strain.
I want to have this baby but at the same time I don’t want to. I’ve been crying all day I’m exhausted
Try this, make a decision and sir with it for a whole week. It will help you think more clearly. Xx
I didn’t think of that! Thank you x I will try this
Post natal psychosis is pretty serious, any psychosis is, some of us are just lucky genetically that we become psychotic 😂😂😂 whilst others can have depression forever without it.
Having said that, you know more than you did prior to your first pregnancy.
You now know you have this disposition, therefore, you can have a mental health team monitor you and the correct meds to help this time around.
Last pregnancy you went in blind, so to speak.
You can be better prepared and so will your partner.
He will know the signs and he will be able to talk to your team.
I just hate the thought of you not having this baby because of your first experience and fear.
Talk to your mental health practitioner, discuss a plan for this pregnancy and see how you feel about it and what they think too.
After you have a plan, go to your partner with it, tell him what steps you have in place to make this one better.
I totally get where he is coming from, seeing a loved one psychotic is very traumatic and if you are starting to come out of it, he probably doesn’t want to go through it again.
It’s probably still very raw for him, but with a plan, he may feel differently.
Yes I was going to say the same. You know what's coming this time, you can prepare, you know the feelings or warning signs that you're slipping and you know what to do or who to talk to and have your supports in place. Personally my second went much better than my first.
Being told to make a choice and sit with it through the flipflopping thoughts for a whole week, to really settle into it, was advice someone gave me, and I found it really helpful. You'll know what feels right, and you'll make it work, whichever it is.
Yes, since I have been to the dark depths of hell mental health wise eight years ago, I’m much more vigilant now because I’m never going back.
If I feel myself slipping, I know I need to get myself out of the situation and maybe up my meds for a bit until I feel better.
It has served me well.
Knowledge and self awareness is key, you may have it much better this time around.
Just don’t do It!! You’re already feeling ambiguous about it, and you’ll regret taking the life of this little human being .
He or she has a heartbeat, don’t kill please. I’ll tske your baby if you can’t
I’ve come to the conclusion to terminate. I’m booked in next week to have the procedure done.
I don’t believe that I’m killing anyone, abortion is not murder. I’m pro choice.
If my life could be all sunshine and rainbows then I would have kept the baby but unfortunately it’s far from that.
Good for you, do what’s right for you and your little family xxxx
Thank you xo
It's not a baby. It's a few cells. Do NOT undermine a woman's choice!!! And YOU CANNOT take someone else's baby either. For all we know, you could very well be a psycho .
Hi 😊 Absolutely no judgement whatsoever. I've terminated, more than once, and we have a daughter. Hubby wanted another so much but I wasn't ready. Now it's the other way around. You will get another opportunity in the future 🙏 but that being said, our daughter has just turned 6 and I now wish I went back earlier to go through the nightmare that is pregnancy. All the best.
If you have doubts then please don’t do
It. It might be a blessing for your little boy to have a sibling. Mine were 18 months apart and they were the best of friends. I wouldn’t change it for the world.
I am snuggled up with my 16 week old. A baby i booked to terminate, but couldn't. A baby my husband adamantly didn't want- but now aabsolutely adores. This baby is a delight and brings far more to our hearts than she could ever take. This time around I took steps to buffer any fallout- childcare for older kids, scheduled medical reviews to keep me on track, accepting and asking for help. Having a baby can impact mental health, but so can terminating a baby your heart already loves. I am sorry you are facing such a hard decision. No moral judgement here- just a different perspective from someone who stood at the crossroad you are on now. May you find peace with your choice....whatever may be xx
I wish you much love and peace with your decision. You are weighing up so many big factors. No matter what, give yourself the chance to go through all the feelings and get support about it so you can rest knowing it's right for your family right now. Sometimes your own private ritual can help to move on. Big hugs.