Would love some advice on my 6 year old and any tips would definitely be appreciated.
I have a beautiful smart head strong 6 year old daughter who is becoming more and more defiant as months go on.
At school her behaviour is faultless, socialising with peers she's kind and thoughtful and really outside of home she's a perfect child.
At home she pushes every boundary, hits and is always picking on her 5 year old sister and is starting to hit me or throw things at me when she can't have her way. If I try chat to her when she's acting up she will completely ignore me or fake cry.
She's taken over the household and her father and I really don't know what to do or how to handle it the best way.
The reward chart didn't work but I am open to other ideas that we can introduce in the household that will help.
If this is completely normal and I just need to ride it out that will be good to know too because I'm going insane.
thanks mums!
Defiant 6 year old
Defiant 6 year old
Posted in:
Parenthood Guilt, Behaviour, Kids
5 Replies
8 year on and I have come to realise that I am a lot more lenient with discipline with my second child then I was my first.
To cut a long story short, really stick to your guns when it comes to discipline. They get a warning the first time. Second time they are in their room for 10 mins. EVERY time they do that thing they aren't aloud to do send the straight away! If you keep giving warnings they'll keep testing you. Day one you'll feel like you've done nothing but send that child to their room but they will soon realise what you expect of them..... even if it Isslowly.
In some respect, I think it's normal and in another, I think it's a bit too far. Our son pushes boundaries and tries occasionally. And some months seems worse then others, and that's when I know we've slacked off on discipline.
So I always reassess and then put the actions back on to place.
Lately we've been withholding pocket money and taking Lego away for bad behaviour. He went three weeks without pocket money because by each Friday, his behaviour would be poorly again. And went a weekend without Lego (his favorite). It seems to be working, and each time he is slipping up, I remind him that there will be consequences for his bad actions.
I also send him to his room and he has to sit on his bed after an incident. I wait until he screams, throws shit everywhere, chucks his wobbly for however long. And then when he seems to have calmed down, I go in and have a big talk with him. Once he hits that screaming stage, no point trying to talk to him until he has come down from it.
Totally agree with the other posters - consistent consequences for poor behaviour is essential. However also make sure she is getting adequate sleep! If she's not then she will be trying her hardest to be good at school but by the end of the day she will be exhausted. Tired = cranky/defiant/naughty etc and you are her safe space to let all that out!
You have literally just described my 10 year old.
She's feircly independent, strong willed, stubborn, high energy, she's not one to blindly follow and conform without question. In essence, all the qualities of a world leader, which I love but damn it makes my job as a parent hard 😂
I have found that a combination of hard boundaries (IE, hitting is a hard boundary that has an automatic consequence), offering generous amounts of choices so she feels in control (example, I offer 3 choices for afternoon activities she can decide which one, 3 choices for dinner, 3 choices for outfits etc) and a physical outlet (a bike ride after school works well for her, just a non structured physical activity where she's free to burn off energy and pent up frustrations).
This, from my observations, is really common with girls and it does get better as they get older.
Omg this is the reason I just joined the site!
7 yo who is an angel at school but is just plain mean and nasty at home! She is mean to her 5 yo and says careless remarks. Everything is a fight - if I ask her to do homework there is a tantrum, have a shower, get ready. Lots of back chat rolling eyes and muttering about how she doesn’t care what we say. Bed time is a battle and she won’t go to bed without us sleeping with her to keep her there till 930 pm at night. If we leave her she will be up till midnight. In the morning she is always tired and still wears a nappy and has never had a dry night so I think she is too bombed to wake to pee. There is an awful lot of reprimanding her, time out sending her to a room. She is also quite unaffectionate since a baby until she wants it so all this nastiness just makes me want to cry. My other daughter is the opposite who I am obviously closer to as she just loves and adores mummy and I so I try harder to be patient and understanding of my 7 yo so she knows she is loved just as much. She is always mean to her sister, ignores her at school but other times they play fabulously together. I am thinking of seeing the gp soon after a miserable afternoon yesterday. Ironically often after all this upset my 7 yo daughter will come out of her room and start acting all sweet and normal as if the previous 30 mins didn’t happen whilst I am feeling dragged through an emotional wringer!