I'm not really sure how to express what I'm feeling so bear with me.
I am a stay-at-home mum to an almost 2 year old (who I absolutely adore).
It took me a long time to "bond" with him. I wasn't one of those mothers who looked at my baby the minute he was born and felt "it". I love him with every ounce of my being and have this overwhelming sense of protection and devotion, all the feelings I think I SHOULD have. But I have one that I can't shake feeling is abnormal.
I have this (irrational?) dread of him growing up. I don't mean in the sense that I don't want my baby to not be a baby anymore, it's more in a sad sense of him not needing/wanting me. I feel like I almost keep my feelings towards him, while also completely loving him, at arms length to protect myself emotionally. I get this overwhelming sense of sadness that I've only got a handful of good years left until he's an teen/adult. I rationalise it by thinking things like "he's 2, we're a fifth of the way through, not long to go until he's gone" and then feel my emotional walls rising. Like I said, it's difficult to explain.
Is this somewhat normal? Any advice about how I can let go and just be present and not so concerned about 10+ years from now?
2 Replies
This feeling is normal. The dread of them not depending on you for all of their needs. But if you are fixated on it to the point you are keeping him at arms length then I would suggest you book in to see a councillor.
This is normal. I had two under two so I feel like when I had my second child, I felt a little more at ease about my oldest growing up. It's coming back now that my youngest is 3. And we are going to go for our third and last child soon. God knows what I'll do when my last baby is growing up.
I don't think having more kids changes the feeling about my oldest, but it definitely helps a little lol