Are there any other mums out there who struggle to show affection to their child? I have more than one, but i have one specifically challenging child ( who probably needs it most) and i simply struggle it often makes me feel just ill.
It isn't like this with my other children, it feels so natural and loving, they come to me, i go to them. I'd like this with my oldest too.
My oldest is 9.
Even a ruffle of the hair, just seems awkward. He has autism and spd. He has never really liked touch and i often find his touch at times inappropriate. He often goes straight for the breast with his hands or his face or he smooches like a cat purring at your leg. Other than that generally there is a lot if tension and behaviour issues and they say 20 touches a day have healing properties. We definitely aren't close to that sometimes 1 seems like too much.
Id like to work on me. I've spoken to his OT about it but I'm wondering if theres something i can do to make it better.
A kiss to the forehead he will wipe away, roll his eyes and well seems like he hates it. And well i feel his getting to an age where a kiss just seems a bit awkward atm and a hug well even one armed hey buddy seems to feel super forced and not natural.
I guess im just looking to a safe community who might have some ideas to build a better bond.
4 Replies
I am guessing any starting point is going to feel forced and not natural for you because you're breaking a habit.
I have a mild case of this too but my son is younger so kisses are still acceptable. He wipes them off but secretly I think he likes them, I know he needs them. I usually make it a game and give him a couple of small kisses on the cheek and a sqeezy cuddle.
The easiest way to get in some touches for me, is first thing in the morning and right before bed. I asked him to jump into my.bed this morning instead of watching tv.. He rolled his eyes at me but he still jumped in and he cuddled. At night time I usually give him some back tickles or play with his hair for a little while after a book.
My son doesn't have autism but he generally isn't an affectionate child and takes after me this department. I've never had trouble with my daughter because she comes to me all the time. I have no make a fair bit of effort for my son.
If you were like this with all your kids I would think that that’s pretty normal for you. Some people find giving affection to their kids painfully difficult (my womb donor was one of them) but as it is only one of your kids you are like this towards I think you would definitely benefit from seeing a professional.
I’m autistic (Lvl 1) my son is lvl 3 and my nephew is lvl 2.
So this is going to come from that perspective.
Don’t aim for 20 times a day, we don’t want that and we don’t need it. Keep doing the little things, a kiss on the forehead etc. I personally Iike a side hug rather than a frontal. Find non affectionate ways to be affectionate. For us that tends to be tickle games and pretend fighting (in a very safe way). Like we will go for a swim and throw the kids in the water etc. or we will play wrestling in the loungeroom.
Now my son is an adult he prefers to have a facial. So I give him a facial.
If he rolls his eyes and wipes it off that’s pretty normal for a tween so I wouldn’t let that upset you. I’d make a joke off of it. Your others will most likely do something similar as they get a bit older. He is your eldest and the way we show affection and the way kids like to receive it changes as they get older.
My daughter is not ASD but she is at an age where she eschews physical affection. It's been really hard going from having a beautiful affectionate little girl, to one who pushes me away when I try to hug her. One thing that makes me feel close to her is doing her hair. Once a week, she likes me to straighten her hair. We sit and watch TV together and the time together and activity of me doing her hair makes me feel close to her.