I'm currently 9 weeks pregnant and suffering from a lot of nausia and exhaustion. I'm working full time and barely have enough energy to make it through the work day so doing housework has become an incredibly taxing task. My husband has been wonderful and supportive although in the past couple of weeks he has started drinking more and has stopped helping out around the house, instead filling his time with little projects such as making a water feature out junky stuff he found and nailing it to our back stairs without asking me.
Being pregnant I know I have been moody, and my nesting instincts are kicking in making me want to make my home as nice as possible but when I bring up things I'm not happy with to my husband (such as the water feature) he starts sooking and becomes dramatic and tells me "he can't get anything right" then goes off for another drink and because he has been drinking it only accentuates his negative emotions.
I guess my question is how do I get him to get his priorities right? How do I make him realise his priorities should be our new baby and creating a nice home for him/her? How do I get through to him without making him defensive and emotional?
Thanks for reading ❤
10 Replies
I will treat lightly as I know pregnancy hormones can be serious, however you have 31 odd more weeks so let him do his fun projects and relax with a drink. Worry about nesting closer to.
Your only 9 weeks along, hormones will be high and you will be stressed, tired, sick and on edge. But it is will get better. Take it easy on hubby as pregnant women can be very difficult to deal with. Things that seem so wrong or so important won’t be in a few weeks. He is probably filling in his time with “junky things” to give you both a little bit of space. You still have a long time to go before your baby is here. So there is a lot of time to get things ready. Just relax a little and enjoy being pregnant
This sounds less like a priorities thing and more like a you don't like the water feature he made thing. I get it your pregnant and sick - I've been there but at this point you still have to pick your battles. If you have been having a dig at him for things like this over the last few weeks I'm not entirely surprised he is retreating to have a drink. You are really a very short way in to your pregnancy and I know everyone is different but the 'nesting' side of things tends to come a little later. I think you need to cut him a little slack and as hard as it is and as crappy as you're feeling its important to remember that for him nothing has changed in the last few weeks except your mood and how you may be treating him. Try not to get too far ahead of yourself. Focus on you and your health at the moment you have plenty of time for nesting and if you don't like the water feature just tell him - it has nothing to do with the baby and using that as a reason wont do you any favours.
Relax, enjoy the quiet, enjoy your husband, you have a long way to go and when baby comes there will be little time to enjoy the quiet. Nesting doesn’t come until the end. When baby comes you will wish you enjoyed this easy time (assuming you don’t have other kids).
If this is how you are acting at 9 weeks I dread to think how you will act at 35+ weeks. Pregnancy is not an excuse to treat your partner like shit. Just relax a little bit
I agree , shes being far too dramatic . Its his house too so what does he need permission to put up his water fountain ? Shes overreacting far too much , mountain out of a molehill, the poor bloke cant get anything right atm , no wonder hes been increasing his drinking, hes trying to escape her inexcusable moods .
Ouch 👆
If you have no kids, now is the time to relax and potter around. He could have really felt attacked or blindsided.
Don't start an argument when he's drinking. When he's sober, have a discussion. Discuss everything that's on your mind.what he expects. What you expect. Listen and ask his feedback too. You're going to have to learn to communicate with each other without arguing. If he goes and gets drunk because of it then you have a bigger problem.
I'm going to let you in on a little secret, babies could not care less how nice your house looks. In fact, now is a great time to drop your standards, like a lot, for the next 18 years 😂
Look, I'd get your frustration if the house was a complete bio hazard reminiscent of an episode of hoarders and out he goes out to make a water feature rather than doing the dishes, taking out rubbish or cleaning floors that desperately needed doing.
I also get the overwhelming ungency that sometimes comes along with pregnancy but you really do still have a long time to get prepared so i think your "nesting" (a term i find painfully irritating just as a side note lol) is erring on the side of pedantic.
His increased drinking and his negativity suggest to me that he's having a hard time. Remember that you're the one who's pregnant and that's very physically taxing but you are both expecting a baby, you are both expecting a huge adjustment in the next period of your lives.
Men cope with that differently than us women do, so i think you need to take it easy on him and actually ask him if he's ok.
I would express your concerns about his increasing drinking though, it seems to be a bit of a coping mechanism at the moment and that's not a healthy habit to fall into, especially when the hard part is still yet to come in 30 weeks time!
Sounds like he's withdrawn and is self medicating because he's not coping. Give him some space, even though you're the one who is physically ill, he's still wrapping his head around a major life change too (including his wife turning into a hormone monster if you're anything like I was).