What is wrong with me apart from suffering anxiety and depression which I'm medicated for and then I also believe I have undiagnosed asd.
My marriage is falling apart as hubby lies to me all the time when he does decide to talk to me. Now I have just found out that my high school aged daughter who is like my best friend has been cutting herself and lying to me about it when questioned and didn't come to talk to me about the things troubling her like she normally does/would.
On top of all this I've been trying to get bullying and shit sorted for my youngest child while also caring for my asd middle child.
I feel like a real failure at the moment and don't know what else to do or where to turn I'm at the point that I honestly think everyone would be better off in their own lives if I were no longer around.
Please no nasty comments as I'm already at rock bottom.
5 Replies
Oh my darling you would leave behind a world of more unhappiness than what you feel now if you were no longer around.
Please know that hubbys lying and your daughters cutting are not your failure. Nor do they exist because of anything you have done.
Who else better to navigate getting help for your daughter. She needs you.
Nothing is 'wrong' with you. It is life. And u can get through this. But as much as we all want a magic wand, a quick fix, there is not one. Keep going the answers you need are within you, somewhere, somehow. I am sending so much love to you xxoo
I'm so sorry you're feeling this way, this must be very overwhelming and painful for you.
There is nothing wrong with you and you're not a failure. You're doing the best you can and by the sounds of it, juggling a lot more than you can handle, more than anyone should take on alone.
I too know how anxiety, depression and helplessness can affect your quality of life and make you feel like not being here is a possible solution. It's not.
I don't have a simple answer but these things have helped me and my loved ones and perhaps they may help you.
I wish I had someone to help give me a step by step process.
I also don't have ASD so I'm not sure if you feel like these options relate totally to you but I hope they can at least help point you in the right direction.
1. Call a helpline. Anytime you feel like this, go to somewhere quiet, sit down, take a deep breath and pick up the phone. This is the first step I took when I started to spiral dangerously and found it surprisingly effective to help me in these difficult all consuming moments. You may need to ask a friend or loved one to call them for you the first time, like I did.
Lifeline is a great choice but I have also called a nearby hospital and asked to speak to the Mental Health Triage and they will connect the call to someone who can speak to you.
These people are here to help, they're trained for these situations and many others and will treat you with kindness and respect. They also have a whole world of resources to help refer you on to somewhere that can help your specific situation.
2. When in doubt, do the reset breathing technique. 4 slow breaths in, hold for 7 counts, strong breath out for 8 counts.
This resets your nervous system and can help calm those anxiety and depression mechanisms and fight off the life threatening thoughts.
2. Book a Psychologist appointment, one that perhaps specialises in child psychology and bullying, family counseling, Cognitive Behavioural Therapy, Schema Therapy and ASD therapy.
Just starting with a therapist that understands you and can help give you a 'tool belt' to assist you in your everyday can be the biggest (and hardest) step of all.
It sounds like you need a professional to help you with all these individual issues and to help you feel stronger and more able to tackle them all.
3. Reach out. If you have close friends or colleagues or family members (siblings etc) that you feel comfortable speaking to about these things, dont be afraid to tell them that you're struggling and need some support. Sometimes the person you least expect will have the advice you've needed.
I have a code with my best girl friend when I'm not ok and when I feel my world is crumbling. We both just text a black heart emoji (🖤), which says to each other that 'I'm not ok right now' 'I need help' and 'I don't have my words to explain what's happening'
Find what works for you that's easy and simple and can help you when it gets too much.
On a personal level, perhaps you could speak to your therapist/s about how to focus on communication with your hubby and get your hubby on board. Maybe he/she have a lot of things or feelings bottled up and doesn't feel like they can speak to anyone. Or maybe they too are feeling overwhelmed.
My partner seems allergic to the concept of couples counseling but has warmed to it over time when he sees the results from our therapists instructions on 'how to communicate in a healthy way', which had worked a treat for us (with repetition and practice of course...and many mistakes).
I dont know what is happening for your daughter, but when I self harmed as a teen and later in life, it came from a place of pain and control. It was a way for me to control the pain I couldn't see and couldn't navigate. I too kept it a secret as I felt shameful and too embarrassed to speak to anyone about it.
Perhaps it would help speaking to your therapist about possible positive solutions to help her and your other children in their everyday lives.
Sometimes the simplest of answers like exercise or family fun together can make all the difference.
I still have bad days and life still throws me curveballs but I'm alive because of these steps and through my work with my Psych, Counselor, Kinesiologist and Nutrionist, I'm now able to help those I love most, myself included.
My best advice that I'll leave you with, that I wished someone had told me, was to start with baby steps and work you way up, just tackle little bits at a time.
I really hope things get better for you and any of this has helped, even just a little.
Know that you're not alone, nor do you have to tackle all of this alone. You are only human and you can only do so much.
You are not the reason these things are happening but maybe you could be the reason healing starts in all of your lives.
I wish you luck and strength to get through this and hope you all get the support and help you need. Much love to you all x x
Wonderful reply. Thanks for being vunerable and sharing your wisdom learned x