Hi sisters, I need advice and I apologise now for the long post. I'm a big lady and always have been as I've struggled with my weight since my teens and the last few years have been the worst. Hubby and I also have 3 young children and have been together for 10yrs. My hubby knows the struggles and depression I go through daily due to my weight and a few years ago he started to not want to be interment much anymore which I believe is due to the extra weight. I caught him looking at porn of this skinny beautiful women and I told him how that made me feel and he promised not to do it again. Well fast forward to now and again I've found out he has been looking at it again and also looking on dating sites. When I first questioned him he denied it like usual and has just now admitted to doing and says that he had considered cheating on me.
My question is do you think he has gone through with the cheating as there has been a number of times in the last come of months he would apparently be leaving work 2-3 hrs later then his actual finish time?
Has my hubby physically cheated
Has my hubby physically cheated
Posted in:
Relationships & Marriage, Sisterhood Stories, Kelly (IM2)
14 Replies
The only person that can answer this question is hour husband and the only person that could have any chance of making you accept the answer is true or not is you.
Red Flags to me, however others may not see it as such. You may not want to believe the answer if he has been out having an affair or visiting a prostitute what are you going to do. Ban him from ever doing it again? How did that work for you last time with the porn? Or are you going to end it? Or will you stay with him for the sake of the children? Not trusting him, knowing he’s sneaking around behind your back having sex with someone that isn’t you? Are you going to loose weight and make yourself desirable to him again? Only these things you can answer. Your health mental and physical comes first. I didn’t leave someone who cheated on me, I should have left. All the signs were there the second time it happened and I still stayed. I was overweight, I had low self worth and I didn’t believe I could do any better until I did!
You need to make a decision. Just tell him you know what he did and you need him to confirm it. You need the decide before you know the truth what you are going to do.
If I find out he has cheated then it is over and he will be out on his ass quick smart. The kids and I will continue our lives together as a family under the one roof. Hubby on the other hand will be living in his car or with someone else that isn't me and the kids.
Oh hun, I'm sorry, I know exactly how you feel with the issue of weight and porn.
My husband however respected my issues with porn and refrains from watching it because he knows how it effects me. Im more concerned about the dating sites you said he is on, has he actually made a profile or is it a link or pop up that can be linked to the porn sites he visits? If he has made profiles, in my eyes he has already cheated and you deserve better
He has such a disturbing lack of regard towards your feelings that i don't think it matters if he's physically cheated!
He's checked out of this marriage, he has every intention of cheating and he doesn't even care that you know that.
Your size is irrelevant sweetheart, you are a human being and you do not deserve to be treated this way!!
Aren't red flags enough?
Looking is one thing, and sometimes it's not much of a big deal . Admitting he's thinking of fucking someone else as he has already confessed to you is another . If he hasn't yet , then he will soon . He's already practically told you he will.
You mentioned you've always been a bigger girl , so he was with you in the beginning knowing so , so for him to see this as an issue now is a ShitCunts act , and for the most part isn't because of your weight. He's just looking to cheat .
I like what Dr Phil says - if it's something he wouldn't do in front of you, then it IS cheating. Trust is important - if you don't have it, then you don't have much of a relationship left :-( Give yourself lots of love and start the process of loving yourself unconditionally - it helps bring clarity later on (in regards to what you will and won't put up with) xx
Don't blame his looking on dating sites on your weight. Men don't stop being attracted to you because you're heavy, if that was the case thin women would never be cheated on. Men cheat or consider cheating because they are unhappy and/or insecure.
Only you can answer your questions. Do you think he has cheated? Do you believe him? Can you trust him?
I don't mind men watching porn, if my husband wants to watch porn, I'll watch it with him, sometimes I even suggest it. What matters is that he and I watch it together, and porn is not replacing me.
You can be the sexiest woman on Earth and be 300lbs,. Or 100 lbs. It is all in your head. Sexiness is an attitude more so than a body type.
Love yourself, treat yourself, be confident and other will see you how you see yourself.
My exboyfriend of 5 years was not physically interested in all 105lb me and never wanted to have sex (had all the excuses in the world for why he wasn't interested ) with me, he was also on a dating app behind my back. When I found out, I blamed myself, maybe I was too thin or my boobs not big enough, or maybe I didn't ski well enough or run fast enough...at the end he was sorry and promised he hadn't done anything...I realized I was not The problem, he just wasn't good enough for me, I forgave him, set him free and moved on.
Lol , now I have to Google pounds ! It's kilograms here in Australia
I hate hearing women going through this it's not your weight its him ! I am a size 8 to 10 always have been and my ex husband cheated on me too , I'm not ugly or a mean wife I was in my eyes decent still he did it more than once on each child actually we had 3 ! Pigs I ignored the red flags the constant porn the working away more the distance the put downs the nothingness they do not care , mine went on to hookers sex parties you name it I let that dog go find his bone ! Looserville awaits him let hil go respect yourself because he does not even respect himself
I too am overweight and have been for my whole relationship, although now I’m about 30kgs heavier than 10 years ago. My husband watches porn quite a bit but always tells me he would rather look at me, I’m like why? The chicks in porn look way better and you’ve got me at home so I’d be looking at them instead when you’re fantasising. Difference is though he still wants me and shows me that every day. If your husband is making you feel this way then things need to change. It does not matter what you look like on the outside, he should love you for you and not make you feel so miserable. If you can’t trust him it needs to be addressed. I’m sorry you’re being made to feel so miserable in your marriage and I wish you luck in your future, with or without him
I think there are two issues here in the one post.. your weight and then your relationship.
You have had three children, it takes its toll on a woman. I have been where you are, three kids in and wearing size 20-22 clothes. I hated the person I had become and was withdrawn socially and also in my relationship. It took me a long time to mentally prepare myself to get to a point of trying to lose weight. Over the years I did alot of yoyo dieting and eventually opted for bariatric surgery. I now have lost the excess and maintained a healthy weight. It has resulted in me regaining confidence, feeling happier within myself and the flow on affect in my relationship with my partner but also my kids has been huge. It sounds like you need to focus on a little self love and your weight is impacting your mental health as well as physical.
In regards to your relationship, looking at porn is a fantasy and I personally dont think this would worry me too much. Looking on dating sites is not ok and disappearing for a few hours secretly after work is also not ok when you have a family at home. You need to have an upfront conversation with hubby about how this is making you feel. Has he cheated? I think for me the answer deoends on how open he is in the conversation
So what I’m reading is that you and your husband have been together for 10 years. You have had struggles with depression and weight for years and your husband has dealt with this alongside you. Your issues are still ongoing, and he no longer wants to be intimate with you. Supporting someone with these issues must be terribly difficult for him. If he asked his friends for advice they probably told him to look at porn, but he got into trouble for that too. He is a person with sexual desires and needs. Your issues have clearly impacted on that for some time. I’m not condoning any possible cheating, but his actions are not surprising.
So what I’m reading is that you and your husband have been together for 10 years. You have had struggles with depression and weight for years and your husband has dealt with this alongside you. Your issues are still ongoing, and he no longer wants to be intimate with you. Supporting someone with these issues must be terribly difficult for him. If he asked his friends for advice they probably told him to look at porn, but he got into trouble for that too. He is a person with sexual desires and needs. Your issues have clearly impacted on that for some time. I’m not condoning any possible cheating, but his actions are not surprising.