I don’t know if I’m selfish or not. I have five beautiful children, 4 boys 1 girl, but I want another one. My grandmother made me get my tubes tied. I’ve always done what she wanted never went against her, but it hurts me everyday that I got them done and the fact I said right at the last min as the nurse injected the medication to calm me before surgery that I changed my mind last thing I remembered before passing out. Raising kids is all I’ve know as I had my first at 18. I love being a mum. But I’m on the home stretch my baby is off to playgroup next year which will be the first time ever that I would have two free days a week just me. My partner is happy it’s finally got to this point but he is sad at same time. He loves all his children he just didn’t like the fact I choose to keep my first pregnancy at 17 And never let him live his youth as he wanted ( the kids and me stole his youth) but now he loves being a dad as he feels he is a better dad now ( which he is as he has been more hands on and naturally a dad now for the last three babies). So don’t really know what I’m asking but I really want one or two more kids but I also feel it should be me moving into next chapter of raising kids and work full time.
11 Replies
Ah! Don't do it. Grandma is a smart lady! I also had my first at 18 and by 23 I had 4! I never got my tubes tied but with 4 kids under 5 and no family support I was done and that was the end of my baby making. I am now nearly 40, my youngest is 16. Kids get really expensive when they get older! Teenagers and high school is really expensive. You have 5 kids, do them and you a favour and not have anymore. The beauty of having kids young and stopping while you're young is you can do all the things you missed out on in your twenties when you're in your forties! I went to Europe last year for 6 weeks, my first ever overseas trip and hoping for more. Think of the future. Move onto the next phase of your life and enjoy having school aged kids.
Yep don't be like me , I had 8 by the time I was 32 . They are all adults now , but The expense leading up to adulthood was incredible . And it's not over as they are sometines still needing help with one thing or another . It's still expensive when the grandkids came along . I have four ! My tubes are tied
but it took 8 babies to be serious about it .
I don't think my answer would be a definate no. But do you think you'll have a "DONE" feeling if you had another 1 or 2? Or is that feeling never going to come for you?
I've heard that some people never ever feel done and could very wel l go on to have more kids but just know it's not practical or doesn't fit well in their lives. I am wondering if the tied tubes is of more reason then just because your grandma made you? Is it life trying to tell you no? I am a huge believer that everything happens for a reason.
But i also have a massive hole, where I know I am NOT done and that I am destined to have more children and it's definitely something I couldn't ignore. (Situation is a little different as I only have two young kids now) but I know regardless, this feeling wouldn't be an easy one to shove down if it came up that I couldn't have at least 1 more.
I think you need to distinguish if having more children would actually make you feel done, if it actually fits your life? If everyone would benifet and live happily?
I’d think very carefully. I’d want to be in a fabulous financial position before I added another child to what you already have. Kids get dearer as they get older and financially you are responsible for them until they are 21 if they can’t get jobs!
I think you’d go through this grieving process after the next baby anyway. Not everyone gets that done feeling.
I certainly never did, doesn’t mean it was a good idea to have another child.
I wanted more, but it takes more than a want to raise children through to adulthood.
I think it’s a great time to start exploring who you are as a person, that part of you that isn’t solely a mother.
You have had your tubes tied and your partner doesn’t want anymore. 4 is a lot of kids already. Concentrate on them and the life you can now start to have again. Full time employment, nights out, alone time with hubby ect. I don’t think we ever feel done, but we have to be practical.
I think 5 kids is a blessing. You would need to spend $$ on IVF if you were to have another baby or 2. I think sometimes you need to look forward to the next stage of life.
I think 5 kids is a blessing. You would need to spend $$ on IVF if you were to have another baby or 2. I think sometimes you need to look forward to the next stage of life.
I think there comes a point where you just can't keep having babies because you don't feel done. 5 healthy kids, a tubal and a partner who already resents his 'stolen youth' is probably the time you need realise it's not sensible to have another child.
I also think that it's possible that your identity is so tied up in being a mother that the sense of finality that's arisen now that your littlest babe is becoming more independent scares you a little bit. I say this as someone who's been with my childrens father since i was 16 and a stay at home mum since i was 18, i never felt like i got the chance to figure out who i was outside of being a wife and mother. I'm just now at 30 beginning to explore myself and find fulfilment outside of those roles!
So maybe it's time for a bit of soul searching lovely. Best of luck!
Really take the the to appreciate those lives you've created and have to enjoy! Another one more will still grow up and end up at kindy! Smother your husband with your spare affections and enjoy those two days to yourself! Read a book. Go for a walk. Sit in silence.
Ok, I’m sorry to ask, but I think many of us are curious.
Do your partner or yourself work? You were both parents quite young, logistically there wouldn’t have been any time to gain qualifications unless you’ve studied since having children. I only ask, as a working, married mother of 3 young children; we work our butts off, struggle financially and sometimes I feel I don’t have enough time to give my children the attention they need. However, we receive no Centrelink assistances, our childcare rebate is 48% and we are stuck in a middle class rut.
Do you want another child so you don’t have to look for employment once they’re at school? Are you scared of having to enter the workplace and losing Centrelink benefits?
I’m not making assumptions; but if I was financially able to stay at home and devote all my time to being a mother without stresses of full price prescriptions, rego, bills, medical, insurances, rent and every other concession health care card holders have; having another baby wouldn’t seem like a bad idea to me either.
If you’ve never worked, you don’t know how difficult it is raise children without any government assistance. It’s bloody hard.
Get a job. Show your kids what a strong independent woman looks like. You can be a Mum and have a career, a life of your own. Sounds like you’re scared to be without a distraction/excuse.