I have 2 under 2, and I’m a stay at home Mum. I absolutely hate it. I dread each night of broken sleep, and I dread the days of boring and repetitive tasks over and over. I miss my career but I don’t want to go back to work because then I would miss my babies. It feels like a double edged sword.
I think I might be a bit depressed as I have very fleeting suicidal thoughts every few days (not ideation just more like “there is no end in sight and I want this to end”). I’m not sad though, not depressed in a moody way. I’m off to my doc to talk about that.
Anyway, I just wanted to hear if other Mums have felt this way and whether it’s just a phase? I am not a baby person, never have been. If someone wants me to hold their baby I’m like, awwww, no no let them sleep, because inside I DO NOT want to hold their baby.
I love my kids very much and make sure their day is filled with lots of messy play, outdoor activities, socialising, reading etc but I’m bone-shatteringly weary and so incredibly bored. I feel really heartless saying this but I just hate motherhood right now. I have 2 older step kids and I absolutely adore them and don’t get the same feelings of boredom & overwhelm with them.
Is this a normal part of raising babies? Does it pass?
10 Replies
Definitely felt just like that! I ended up going back to part work time and found that to be a good balance. I also found I enjoy motherhood more now my kids are school age (I’m not a baby/toddler person either). I was never diagnosed with depression as I wasn’t sad or down or not functioning or anything but instead of thoughts of suicide I had thoughts of running away somewhere to get some sleep, nice food and talk to adults.
Depression is not feeling sad! It's numbness, you feel nothing but hopeless. Good to see you're going to see a doctor. It does definitely get better! You may need to think about going back to work for your own sanity, staying home is not for everyone! It really does depend on your personality traits, if you've always been a very driven person then being a SAHM will send you bat shit crazy.
This is depression /pnd.
Yes having 2 under 2 sounds like utter, exhausted hell to me.
Being stay at home with them all the time would have me mental.
And I know the idea of working sounds even harder, another stress on the plate you already can't deal with.
You can love your kids but not enjoy it, and that's ok. But you don't have to struggle through and you don't have to just tolerate it.
There are ways to make it better, enjoyable.
Rest is a huge factor. Time out is a huge factor. Support - care of kids as well as friendships and socials for yourself, both super important.
Open up to a friend, or get to a Dr or health nurse and let them know you need some help.
Thank you. This made me cry!
I Hated the baby stage. Kids are much more interesting as they get older.
I went back to work part time. The key to success for me was having a few hours off every 2-3 days for me. Made me a much better mother.
It’s ground hog day, I hated it, worked part time.
For me, yes, definitely got better after the toddler years.
They become your friend, they are so much more fun when theyre older.
Some people enjoy the baby years, some don’t.
I absolutely adore other people’s babies, but I am so glad I’m over that stage lol
I had a 3.5 year gap and when my youngest was a baby I too struggled with the juggle.
I’m a really good part time mum! I work 2 days! The adult stimulation is a life saver!
I will say that it gets better lovely! Hang in there get yourself some support in place! Fill your cup!
I had the same feelings, I was diagnosed with post natal depression when my son was a year and a half old. I was medicated which helped balance things but I still hated being a stay at home mum.
It's not for everyone and its ok to not enjoy it. My relationship within my self and all those bad feelings went away when I started working and studying. It's rough but im in love with life again and so incredibly in love with my kids. Not longer medicated and i can not get enough of my kids and thoroughly enjoy every moment with them. Painting, playing, bed times. I cherish all of those things now, and i used to absolutely hate it. It's because I get to pursue my passions and be a person again so it makes the motherhood moments special and full.
Go back to work part time/ enrol in study part time. Go and do something that's just for you. You do miss the kids, you will have moments of feeling guilty for being selfish but the kids will see you happy and the time you do get to spend with them will be happy from the inside out. They do notice when you're there and not there (im not talking physically, I mean being there physically with them but not being there emotionally. They notice that)
I hated the toddler stage!
And I loved babies because I worked in early education in the infants room for years but I found when I had two babies (or toddler and baby) I found that I was so overwhelmed and very lost. And I had my babies quite young and had no career previously! I think it wasn’t as if I lost a sense of myself like a lot of mums talk about, I never had the chance to find myself until they grew up a bit. And now they’re 13 and 15 it is much much better.
And now I have to really love a person to want to hold their baby, especially if it’s crying!
Can you do daycare one day a week (at least!) and go and do something interesting for yourself? Even if it’s not working, even volunteering at something or just doing what makes you feel a little bit human again.
But absolutely it is really normal when your kids are that young. It does get better, you are not alone.
Motherhood actually sux, & not enough women are honest about it!!
No matter what age or stage, kids are just a burden & bring very little joy or reward etc etc, it’s a lot of damn effort & repetition etc especially if you want your kids to turn out to be decent human beings!