I haven't worked now for almost 6 years. I left my job for my ex to move away with him. When he found out we were having a baby he didn't want anything to do with us.
I've been a full time mum now for the whole time, I'm lost and I'm bloody lonely. Over the years I've watched my friends get married and then have their children and I want that now. I've been dating but men seem to all play a game, they string you along, or use you for sex or you talk on line for weeks and then they say I think your to busy being a mum to have any time for me. I have so much free time I'm bored.
I'm studying now, but you see I'm scared of going out there and getting a job, I'm dreading this course coming to an end because that means I can start to look for work which I really really want, but that means stepping out of my comfort zone, going out into that big world out there and miggling with people. Why does this scare the crap out of me. I don't see many people any more as they all are busy with family.
I live with my mum which is nice i moved home a few months ago as I was so lonely I would cry my self to sleep every night.
But mums always busy with her job and friends. My sister mum and I had this Christmas shopping day planed for tomorrow I've been so excited like a little kid, because I finally get to go out with someone other than my child. But my sisters phone broke. She has booked it in to Sydney to get fixed, her boyfriend is away so she has asked my mum to travel to Sydney with her tomorrow to get it fixed. My sisters boyfriend lives in Sydney so it isn't like she is worried about the trip or anything she drives 2x a week I don't know why but mum said yes so I'm doing my shopping tomorrow with just me and my child alone. I dont know why but it really upset me she isn't coming (I have to travel to shop) I do go my self at times but I was really looking forward to have the company.
I just don't know what to do with my life. I'm so comfortable with how it is just me and my child even though it's lonely. I often wonder what it would be like to have a man love me again and feel that connection. I have these dreams at night of me walking down the street, each night there is a different man that I have met in the past weather it be a school friend or a friend of a friend that I have met at a party and they call out my name and swoop me up in the biggest hug lifting me off the ground. I feel the connection, it's not a dream it feels so real. It been a long time since I have felt it. And when I wake up I'm sad it wasn't real.
Im on SPP and FTB it's stable you know, and I'm use to it. I hate being on it I want to work again but it's a weird thought to come off it. I've always suffered anxiety and depression. I have come along way over the years learnt to love the way I am my stretch marks and all I feel it's time for a change but to take the leap is full on.
What should I do to get around this to stop the loneliness, to have the confidence to get out of bed every day and go to work.
Will I ever get a job a beautiful man a house of my own and to feel like a normal women again. To not have this broken heart of rejection and finding it he never loved me the way I loved him
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1 Replies
You need to learn to love yourself, your own company and live for yourself and your child!
Some people who’ve been single for a long time give off the “unavailable vibe” kind of like couples who are married for ages going out you can tell they’re married lol
Get your child minded, go home, run yourself a bath and play some loud music Have a dance, have a drink, take some selfies, go onto plenty of fish dating site and have some meaningless conversations! Don’t go looking for Mr Right on purpose and don’t actually meet up with anyone, give a fake name or an alias for now, have your profile picture a photo of your cat or dog and don’t get too personal. You need to find fun in what things you actually do do! Become self sufficient which is a very attractive quality!
Strive for a future with your son now and once you finish your course, apply for any job you qualify for and live your best life! LOVE will find you when you’re busy loving yourself! You are longing companionship but be careful giving up too much of yourself to just anyone.
Best of luck you’re doing ok!