Me and my fiance have been engaged for three years now, we have had a lot ups and downs, he can be very complicated due to old demons and I can be very sensitive so we have our battles but yet we still make our plans to get married and have kids because that's what we truly want, he makes all these plans about where we are going to get married and where the band is going to play etc.
However, I am nearly 30 and am clucky as anything. I want it to be traditional and get married first
So I asked him if we could set a date for the wedding, maybe end of next year and he is telling me for three months now that he is thinking about Wether the date suits him. Then he starts financially, he rather wants to finish our renovations first. We both make extremely good money so I know that this ain't the reason.
I booked a make up lady just in case for that date because she only has limited availabilities and he was a bit shitty at me because he didn't want to set it in stone yet, he wanted to think about it.
He wouldn't mind starting to try for baby's next year but when I mentioned the wedding I feel like he is kind of getting cold feet? Has anyone ever had that?
I find baby's a bigger comittment then even marriage and I mean we are engaged for long enough. I have to say I felt very unwanted over that as if he has doubts. But he said that some things need to be worked out but it has nothing to do with doubts.
The doctor said that I may take longer to conceive then normal so I am a bit worried about that too and I want to be a unit so badly. 😭
6 Replies
Put it on him. Why can’t a date be set? What is the real issue here? You don’t know if you don’t ask. I’d get to the bottom of it no mucking around.
To him - he doesn’t care about the marriage as you’re already united. Chances are he proposed to keep you happy?
Is it possible he’s a control freak? Everything seems to be about His plans and on His schedule. Your plans and ideas don’t seem to come into it.
I’d be examining this situation closely. Make sure you have some say in this relationship before moving forward.
On the other hand he probably thinks she's one.
The first thing you mention here is the fact things can be rocky due to both of your dispositions (his 'demons', your sensitivity).
I kind of get the feeling that your cluckiness, concerns about your fertility and your deep desire to become a 'unit' might be clouding your judgment somewhat (not that there's anything wrong with wanting those things and wanting to get the ball rolling), maybe he's just concerned that the issues you have faced in your relationship might make marriage and babies quite complicated and perhaps he's not quite sure how to bring it up.
I would suggest some relationships counselling, then you can both be honest and put all your thoughts and desires on the table with the assistance of a professional. Then you can figure out what next!
Good luck, I hope it all works out ❤️
We’ve been together for 18 years.. ( wow! A long time.. I haven’t said it out loud in a while )
We have 2 beautiful children together. A daughter 11 and a son 8. We had been together for 7 years and I was waiting to get engaged. I told my parter I was really ready to have kids and he said oh we aren’t married. I said I was fine not to be if he was. My partner always has to think about things before he gives you an answer. It could be a little as going to his parents house for dinner. It was fine to have kids and not be married.
Long story short we still aren’t married. To be honest it hasn’t bothered me. I feel like we are anyway. 18 years together, 2 children and a house.
My partner is an accountant earns good money but I think the thought of spending 60k or what ever scares him. He’d rather put that on the house or into the kids future. I’m ok with that. I personally don’t want a registry wedding.. I would rather not get married. I’m opened to eloping but at the moment we are happy.
Good Luck.