My 36 year old daughter moved to QLD 2 years ago and then 8 months ago stopped calling me. I kept on calling her to the point we argued because I was annoying her and now she has completely stopped and has blocked all the family. She said she needed space however I have not heard from her. Her hubby is lost as why. I do miss the grandkids so much. What do I do and where can I go for advice. TIA
8 Replies
You don’t, but she is a grow adult and if she has chosen to cut contact with you for what ever reason you just have to deal with it. You may have done something to really upset her or she may just need space. Needing space doesn’t have a time limit. As for your grandchildren that is sad, but there isn’t anything you can do until she is ready to talk
As heart breaking as it might be for you, you give her space. Everyone has the right to walk away from family if they want to. Your daughter knows how to contact you when she is ready. She is an adult and is entitled to her own choices and actions, even if you don’t like them.
Stop contacting her hubby. He is her support system, not yours. He probably knows exactly why, but it’s not his place to say it.
Pushing and contacting her will just push her further away.
I’d probably get myself some counselling to help you process this.
I have understood this and am getting on with life. I guess it's cos I have heart issues and other health issues I am very uptight about not having contact with them. God forbid if I never see them again. Thank you for your advice.
Uptight about not having contact or because you’re losing control of her life?
All I’ve read is about how this is affecting you and how you feel. My mum has heart issues and other issues in her heath. If my mum did something to me that meant having to cut her out of my life I would regardless of her health.
You have a way of knowing your daughter is ok.
You can contact her hubby which you are doing. That’s how you know everyone is ok. Once a month you can text him and say. How is everyone doing? Nothing else needs to be said. You haven’t said if you have done anything to upset your daughter but children don’t just cut off their parents for no reason. There is a reason for this and you need to accept what is, for what it is.
Just leave her alone. Hard to do but she wants space. Give it to her. Just send cards and presents annually for birthdays and Christmas.
In this situation I am the daughter. My parents moved away from me 4 hours away when my first child turned one. My brother was not impressed as they always wanted us to have grandkids and we were quite close knit. I always respected they made a lifestyle change and that’s their choice but he was hurt. Turns out I had to do the majority of the visits and fast forward the family had a falling out but I maintained a good relationship with dad and mum. My brother and I don’t have a relationship and dad and brother also don’t have a relationship. Now my dad doesn’t ever visit any of us. My kids are sick of going there 4-5 times a year. Mum visits everyone alone a few times a year. Over the past 4 years I have had a messy marriage breakup and become single mum to 3 kids. More now than ever I wish they were near and my resentment they left has crept in more and more as I have no ‘family’ near and am very alone. Just to share a meal, go shopping hang with kids etc. I used to talk to mum twice a week on the phone but over the last year I’m tired of relaying my dramas to her and avoid unloading over the phone regularly. It’s tiring. If she was in my life more physically our communication wouldn’t be based on supplying updates. I need physical support and family company not reliving my weekly trials to keep her up to date. Now more than ever I avoid calls because I don’t have the energy to relive my last few week dramas. My mum is sweet open minded supportive and just lovely and never says a harsh word or criticises me so it’s not me avoiding her reaction. She always provides a listening ear and is so supportive. I just wish she was nearby so communication wasn’t so dramatic and emotional but more just daily life. Hope this helps with some perspective xxx
My mum didn't realise but she was too controlling, felt she had rights to all part of my life and would guilt me with her health or my younger siblings health/needing me. I had my own life and family but she felt she was still allowed to be involved in all aspects. Two years later we were fine. I just couldn't do her behavior and distance was the only escape.