Lost on what to do with my teen!
I have 5 kids 18,16,15,10 & 3.
I have one boy 15, and over the last few months he’s out of control.
I’m a pretty easygoing mum, let them Go out as long as I know where there going, being home when there told to and if there staying somewhere I prefer to talk to the parents and they can’t be out every night. Pretty simple rules. He started hanging out with a kid that pretty much had no rules and could do whatever he wanted. our trouble started there considering this house had no rules my son started staying there quite a lot on the weekends. This kid has introduced him to which has now turned into a big network of friends. Before Christmas he ran away for a week there was quite a few of them all house hoping they even stole tents and stayed in a park for a few nights. I had a missing persons on him but he just kept running from the police untill he got sick of it, and found out if he just let them see him at talk to them they would take the missing persons off him and wouldn’t make him come home. Since he’s come home it’s been a nightmare, they all hang around the shopping center, they steal, smoke and as far as I know there smoking marijuana. When he’s home he’s a pretty good kids and what I’ve been told from other parents he’s polite and a great kid when at there house. But when he mixes with these so called friends he turns into a kid I don’t know, I can’t stop him from going out because he go’s anyway, sneaks out at night, I managed to keep sain till Christmas the we went away for two weeks, and then we got back😢 and it all started again. we were home for two days and he disappeared for 5 days, came back home for a cupple of days and he’s gone again. I’m lost I don’t know what to do. I’ve been mean yelled and screamed, ive been nice, nothing is working he agrees with what I’m saying and what we need to improve he even decided what rules needed to be put in place but he walks out the door and everything go’s out with him, we even sent him on a naughty boys camp where they go bush for 9 days, he got kicked out on day 4, really my kid got kicked out of naughty boy camp for being naughty grrr. I don’t know where to go to from here the cops won’t help untill he gets in trouble with them. Thankfully he’s not in trouble with them yet, but it’s only because he hasn’t been caught. Anything else I try is only voluntary and he won’t do them .. what to I do🤬.
He has just returned after 11 days gone. We are yet to have a big conversation about what happens next but has been told for now he’s been gone for 11 days so he can’t go anywhere for 11 days. Atm im going with you abide by x,y,z or your out. It seems though I’ve tryed all I can and there’s nothing else I can do. I just can’t watch this go on any longer as much as it don’t want to loose my son I’m afraid I already have. But hopefully I have a win and we can move forward in the right direction
Crazy teenager: long read sorry
Crazy teenager: long read sorry
Posted in:
Behaviour
9 Replies
That is tough! We have our stepson currently just walking out whenever he likes too so I get how frustrating it is. We haven't had other issues with him though. I think your son is beyond disciplining, it won't work with him at this stage of the game and you have probably worked that out for yourself. The camp was a great idea, too bad they sent him home you would think they would be prepared for kids like this. He needs change before things get worse. Are you with his Dad or separated? If separated is it possible he live with Dad and see if anything changes? See if you can get him in to headspace too.
I’m with his dad, so Unfortunately I have no where to send him. I found head space just gives them more power. And I’ve tryed taking him to talk to someone but he just won’t go or have anything to do with it. I’m at a complete loss
I'd be making him as busy as possible with family outings, volunteering in the community (with you, his dad or another parent). I'd be changing locks or hiding keys so he can't get out at night. Id be taking his phone, his devices, and any other privileges. I'd be ringing the cops on him myself for drug use and loitering you are his mum, he is 15 and I'd be coming down on him as hard as possible. I'd also get him into therapy to help build up his self esteem against peer pressure if it's these kids who are influencing him. Basically (I know it's hard) but I wouldn't leave him alone. He has broken your trust and causing havoc in your family
He’s broken his phone and I won’t pay to get it fixed, ive tryed calling the cops and they do nothing,they’ve told me even as a parent there’s nothing I can do. And that unfortunately now a days parents have no power and kids now a days a taught this at school. ive tryed therapy and he won’t have a bar of it. I’ve come down hard and he just dosnt care. I’ve followed him around I show up to everywhere he is and still he wins I’m at the point right now that I’m done I have 4 other kids that want to be here that I need to look after and I’m over dropping everything thing to look for him
If he can’t respect your house rules, then he shouldn’t be allowed to live there, until.
Yep I’m getting to that point.
Kick him out. If he can’t live by your rules then he has to go. It’s not fair on the rest of the family. He will either skin or swim, but since he won’t let you parent him or help him then he needs to learn to look after and help himself.
He's 15.
Been there too with a daughter. Unfortunately we got no where fast. The police wont touch them, the kids know you as parent can not do anything to stop them. Our problem was she to had friends who had no rules who could come and go as they wanted, sleep anywhere drink smoke etc. I tried to talk to these parents and they refused to talk to me or take my calls. They liked being the cool parents. We did counselling, spoke with the police liaison officer, went to headspace. All of these places told us that they couldn’t help us as we had done everything they would have suggested. In the end at 15 I said you have younger siblings this is not fair on them you can stay and live by the rules or go. So she left.
The next 2 years were hard every time the phone rang I thought it was to say she was dead. We made sure we let her know that we loved her and never stopped but respect had to go both ways. Bit by bit she came back to us. 5 years on and she has apologised for everything but also said the best thing was we never closed the door on her and she knew that and knew she was loved.
I am not sure what else you could do other then set the boundaries for behaviour and give him an ultimatum. Be carefully with places like headspace, every appointment we got a new councillor as the last one had left, and actually felt they encourage her to do what she wanted whatever made her feel good.
Best of luck