Child's bad behaviour

Anon Imperfect Mum

Child's bad behaviour

Hi sisters

Just needing some help with my child who is lying stealing and not doing has he is told
My son is stealing anything he wants and I have caught him out on it and made him take the things back he has stolen from child care and family members
I have punished him timeouts talks explaining u he can't steal and it stopped for a little while now it is happening again and he is hiding it and lying about it.

He breaks every thing he touches even his own toys and he doesn't care and isn't sorry.
What can I do to stop this has anyone else dealt with this he is only four

Posted in:  Behaviour

5 Replies

Anon Imperfect Mum

Start teaching him about my things and your things. Model how you want him to be. Pick up toys at home and ask him whose it is, then when he replies that it's his, ask him if you can play with his toy. Emphasise "your" toy and tell him you will be so careful with it because it's his. When you're finished make a point of putting it back where you got it. Do the same at daycare but with their toys and emphasise "day cares toy", "we had better be careful with day cares toy, we wouldn't like it if daycare came to our house and broke our toys would we?" "Time to go, let's put day cares toys back." Do this everywhere he goes. If he still does it then start taking things of his. Tell him you're taking it and tell him why. If he breaks a toy that belongs to someone else then replace it with one of his, even make him pick it out. He could just not understand the seriousness of what he's doing, he's 4, he could just think well I like that toy I'm going to keep it, without much thought to the person that owns it. You just have to teach him what's appropriate.

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Anon Imperfect Mum

He is 4. He really isn't seeing this as stealing. Reinforce it isn't his and it makes people sad if you take their things. Make him return them. This is quite normal behaviour. I'd only be concerned if it was a sign of poor impulse control and a small piece of a much bigger puzzle and that won't really be obvious yet. I'm Thinking without other issues being mentioned though that it's just a phase

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Anon Imperfect Mum

I so disagree. This is not just a phase and not normal. His lack of empathy and respect for the belongings of others is concerning even at 4. Have a chat with your daycare and see if they can’t have a professional observation done. A good long term child carer should have some advice on where to go and get help.

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Anon Imperfect Mum

To the OP, don't let this panic you. My first google search came up with a plethora of articles on exactly this noting that for many kids, it is a normal phase in their development. https://www.parents.com/kids/development/social/dealing-with-stealing/
https://www.greatschools.org/gk/articles/is-your-preschoolers-lying-and-...
https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.hopkinsmedicine.org/health/conditions-a...
Above is the first 3 links all saying that it's typically a normal behaviour that age.

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Anon Imperfect Mum

A lot of 4 year olds haven't quite mastered the art of impulse control. They see something, they want it, they take it - they aren't out stealing for the thrills, they don't really even comprehend the idea of stealing and it's usually not done with malicious intent.
It can definitely be a typical developmental stage but obviously it's undesirable behaviour so you want to do your best to rectify it.

So, you just need to keep reinforcing that if he wants something he must ask first, he can't just take.
If he does take something, make him return it so he learns.
Also remove temptation, I don't know what sort of stuff he's stealing but making sure you're keeping anything of value out of reach/eyesight will help.
Lastly, vigilant supervision. This isn't a criticism, I'm just saying that a 4 year old shouldn't be left unsupervised long enough to be stealing regularly. You know he does it so you need to watch him like a hawk so you can intervene before/as it's happening.

The breaking toys - is it intentionally destructive or is it just carelessness? I found that all of my kids went through a phase like this, then it occured to me that I'd overwhelmed them with stuff. They didn't value their belongings (or any objects) because they had a whole box of other things to play with if something broke. I feel like that's part of the reason they didn't care if they broke something of mine for example.

Getting some professional advice really wouldn't hurt at this point either.

Good luck 😊

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