My friend has a baby due in a few months but has recently separated from his wife. Care arrangements for baby are unclear at this time as to how much time the dad will get to spend with the baby once it is here (the mother is controlling). The mother is inconsistent with making decisions regarding the time that the baby will spend with the dad and threatens to take all access away if she is unhappy during that specific moment. She also mentions that she will supervise visits. My friend is unclear what to do. Should he seek help so that an official agreement can be in place before the baby is born or should he wait until after the baby is born? Where does he seek help from? There is no reason for concerns with the baby spending time with the dad. Dad doesn’t smoke, do drugs, rarely drinks alcohol and is not violent or abusive. The separation between my friend and his wife was not a mutual decision (mother ended relationship suddenly after spending time with a ex). Baby was planned.
Fathers rights to newborn baby
Fathers rights to newborn baby
Posted in:
Relationships & Marriage, Men's Business, Being a Dad, Parenthood Guilt, Baby & Toddler, Kids
9 Replies
Lawyer up! He has just as much rights to his baby as she does. See a lawyer before baby is even born that way you are already well on track before she can decide to do a runner with bubs. Keep all communication over text or email so you can show the lawyer what she is like. Judges hate parental alienation
When I had my son many years ago, things were very loosy-goosy. A lot will depend on what ever parenting movement is considered golden at the time.
He should definitely get legal advice before the baby arrives, it’s always the smart thing to do. That doesn’t mean he should take her straight to court.
Initially in the vast majority of cases after birth the mum will have the vast majority of care (especially if breastfeeding). The advice I received was give dad as much access as he likes but other than short periods of being alone with the baby (walk with the baby, bathing baby etc) he really wouldn’t have much custody.
Personally I could see the benefits of this and was quite happy for dad to take bubs between feeds and have alone time to get a shower and catch up on other things.
Custody for dad will usually build over time and build up to longer more rigid times.
I think if he looks at this practically he would be able to see that there are logical reasons for this.
Id book in for mediation once the baby arrives.
Seek advice from solicitor.
In interim just form a bond with baby, like above poster said.
Babies need to have routine and especially if breastfeeding, that way milk can come in and become regular and not likely to dry up. Overnights aren’t necessary, all you need is short frequent stays that help soothe and settle the baby, form consistency and remember - It’s best to keep mum happy and calm - so baby or unborn baby is calm too!! Too much stress isn’t good or helpful.
There’s no chance of reconciliation? Maybe you could help him find a mediator or counsellor. They are in for a long term relationship now as partners or co parents. The best thing you could do is support them to repair the relationship or build a positive co parenting one.
Wait until baby is born then worry about it. She would be hormonal and also facing single motherhood which is not what she planned, so I can understand why she's acting like this. Supervised visits for the first year is completely ok, this is a newborn baby and it will need its mother. I don't think shes being controlling. They will have to work together big time to make this work.
This is the wrong place to ask for this advice. Your asking a group of women how to help a dad have a connection with a newborn baby. You will get the same answers, do as mum says and don’t rock the boat. I doubt any of these women will give any kind of advice on how a father can have a meaningful relationship with bubs when a lot see men a as sperm donors and child support payments. Tell your friend to fight for his rights (he has just as much right to bubs as mum does)
A baby needs a primary carer, even the law agrees with that.
Wow I can’t believe I just read this response, the child has rights to both mum and dad.... the parents do not own the child and claim rights to it. This is shocking discourse.
There is two sides to every story and this side sounds like the sob story of a person who is playing the victim and who sees the child as something they own and have rights to. Rather than seeing the baby as a person who has rights and needs those rights upheld in order to survive. Such a sad state of affairs and if you were a real friend you would be telling the dad to man up, and fix things with his wife.