My elderly neighbour is becoming a bit of a pest and I don’t know how to politely ask her to stop insisting on visiting on a regular basis. She doesn’t have any family close by and they don’t visit her and she likes to keep herself busy by regularly visiting others. My issue is I have a very young family and I have a new born also and she needs a lot of help. She overstays her welcome and she tells me to just keep cooking dinner or cleaning she just likes the company. I’m really busy with my own family and friends and she really insists on regularly visiting almost like a grandmother would. If I don’t answer my phone she ends up on my doorstep. I have a lot of respect for the elderly and I’m finding it very hard to politely ask her to stop calling me weekly/ or fortnightly to visit. What should I do? Just keep ignoring her calls and pretending I’m not home?
Edit: Obviously I haven’t put in enough information in the original post. The visitor needs a lot of assistance and with three very young children I don’t have enough hands to help her. I also have my own grandparents, parents and extended family to fit into a pretty busy life that we enjoy with our own friends and family. I have managed to push the visits to fortnightly at a more appropriate time but it was a few times a week at 430 pm and anyone with young children know that is the worst time to drop in for a cuppa that can last hours! My husband also works long hours so I’m struggling. If I had more time for this neighbour I would happily have her visit but I don’t. Obviously there are deeper issues to all of these types of questions, as there are with this one. I’m not heartless and I’m not asking how to cut her off.... the question is how do I politely stop the long cuppas and regular visits?
Elderly neighbour problems
Elderly neighbour problems
Posted in:
Life Lessons, Parenthood Guilt, Behaviour
13 Replies
So is she visiting fortnightly? That doesn't seem like too much to me. She sounds lonely. Give her the baby to hold while you get things done.
I thought you were going to say she visited everyday?!
Sorry, but once a fortnight hardly feels like a big issue.
I visit my elderly neighbours that often, just to check in as I’m the only young person on the block. There have been a few falls and stuff over the years and although I have a severely disabled person in my care I’d be heart broken if my neighbours thought I couldn’t spare them that time. They are mostly too disabled to visit me now.
This older person sees you as her Friend and is trying to create her village.
Can you create a set visiting schedule where she can visit on a certain day at a certain time but have it so you have to leave on a regular errand kinda forcing the visit to end at a reasonable time? I'm with the others in that it would be such a shame to cut her out completely but I also understand how overwhelming it is when people overstay.
Thank you might be something I will need to do.
Obviously I haven’t put in enough information in the original post. The visitor needs a lot of assistance and with three very young children I don’t have enough hands to help her. I also have my own grandparents, parents and extended family to fit into a pretty busy life that we enjoy with our own friends and family. I have managed to push the visits to fortnightly at a more appropriate time but it was a few times a week at 430 pm and anyone with young children know that is the worst time to drop in for a cuppa. My husband also works long hours so I’m struggling. If I had more time for this neighbour I would happily have her visit but I don’t. Obviously there are deeper issues to all of these types of questions, as there are with this one. I’m not heartless and I’m not asking how to cut her off.... the question is how do I politely stop the long cuppas and regular visits?
Is once a fortnight not cut back enough?
Could you take her along with you to visit your grandparents instead? They might form their own friendship.
Put this in your original post before you get drilled when it goes to Facebook
This is going to sound really mean, but this is why I’m trying not to be too friendly to my elderly neighbour. I feel you, this is my worst nightmare, I’m an introvert and my home is my sanctuary. I hate uninvited guests, even when they’re friends and family! We had a nosey rude woman down the road and I remember my mum, not inviting her in after a while. Would just stand at the door, ask her what she wanted. Me, I’m less confrontational, I would probably say every second visit, when she comes to the door, sorry, I’m in the middle of something and hope she gets the message. Good luck, I feel for you.
Agree! I had a young neighbour that was like this. She was nice enough, but I hate unannounced guests. I’m quite friendly & social generally. But when I’m home I like my space. I need it. I was constantly worrying about a door knock. I will never make friends with neighbours again
Answer the door naked
😂 That is funny! Old people don't really care about that though
Aww the poor lady. Ring one of the community groups and ask them for some
Information. Just let her know that you are busy or out. Try to embrace it also. Your kids are lucky but if it is getting too much for you. Say you are out or having a nap or just don’t answer the door some weeks. She sounds lovely though and in need of a friend.
May be you could go to the local Vinnies and explain to them the situation
They need volunteers and this may occupy her. If she has in home help maybe speak to the caregiver and mention it to her. If there is a local seniors community group contact them. The local CWA, Explain to to them that she is just lonely