Hi imperfect mums!
So I have a dilemma.
I have two gorgeous children, one of each sex but I’ve always had a longing for a third. I’m 39 and my youngest will be going to school next year. We had put off a third for a few years now due to my brother getting married overseas last year, I didn’t want to travel with a bub or being pregnant. I guess we just got along with life when we got back and occasionally we’d mention it but 2 weeks ago hubby said what do you reckon about trying for a third?? All these emotions of excitement came flooding back but then I thought am I too old? Is it too much of a gap, my two are only 3 years apart. While I was deciding this I have since found out that my brother and his wife, who didn’t want kids, are now pregnant. Now I feel like I’ll be trying to show them up or something. I just feel like we’ve put 2 years of our life on hold to afford to go overseas and to pay it off and now we are in the position to maybe have a third but we will look like we are trying to take the light from them. I am truly happy and excited for them both but as I was packing up my baby stuff to pass on to them I could help but feel sadness. I know I’m incredibly fortunate to already have 2 but does this feeling ever pass?? Or do you have regrets of not having that baby you desperately wanted??
Another baby??
Another baby??
Posted in:
Pregnancy
7 Replies
Don’t ever delay your life out of fear of taking someone’s light.
If anyone thinks you are taking your brothers moment, they need there head read!
Gosh in big families there are always multiple people pregnant at the same time, and nobody worries and thinks the moment is taken from them. They share each other’s joy.
If you keep putting your life on hold for others life will be miserable!
I wouldn't be getting pregnant now. Wait till this craziness with Coronavirus settles down.
I have two kids, both girls. They have two different dads and my first daughters dad died and the second one left me for a much younger woman. As much as I'd LOVE more (I always wanted 4) I have decided to just have 2 and focus on my two girls. It's been years since I've made this choice and for a tiny bit I did have a cry at night about it but now I'm fine. Honestly it doesn't consume your life with regret like a lot of people think (and if it does, you need to speak to someone!) plus I do know people who have regretted having another child when they were on the fence about it and I'd rather regret a child I didn't have than one I did.
I really wouldn't be actively trying right now. The healthcare system is so overwhelmed currently and a lot of women just aren't getting the highest level of prenatal care that they really should be. You'll also be classed as high risk due to it being a geriatric pregnancy. So that's all something that should be taken into consideration.
So in all honesty, I would probably wait a few more months before deciding just to see where everything is at with this virus.
In saying that, if you want a baby - have one!
Anyone who'd think you were trying to steal your brothers thunder is ridiculous - my mother in law announced her 8th when we were pregnant with our first. That was a bit weird but siblings expecting a child at the same time is a pretty common thing to happen, myself and 4 of my cousins were born between Jan and June of the same year lol 🤷♀️
A geriatric pregnancy during a global pandemic? Not a chance
If both you and your husband are on the same page with having a 3rd don't let anyone stop you ! Your brother is family and just like you are excited for them to have a baby they will be excited for you to grow your family!! My children are 6 years apart. We were told we couldn't have anymore after my oldest.... surprise for us !! Our youngest joined our family this year and i LOVE the age gap! My oldest is interactive and is able to afore her sibling and when at school my youngest and i are able to build our relationship without making my oldest feel left out. It is an adjustment for everyone but my oldest has a better understanding when I need to tend to my youngest (even gets involved with nappy changes, clothing, bath time, play time).
As for everyone hyping about COVID, the active health alerts aren't going to last forever and if you aren't pregnant now I highly doubt you will have bub during the pandemic lol. In the chance COVID does go on for some time we will be a lot more prepared for a bubba to arrive.
Have the baby! Ive just had my third and she was so very wanted. I couldn't imagine a world without her in it. As for having bub close to your brother, the babies will be so so lucky to grow up beside each other and have a close cousin.
I truly believe you will knoe when you are done and if you want this baby then go for it! I was so desperate to have my 3rd. And even now sometimes i think "oh i could have one more" but i dont long for it the same way i did with my 2nd and 3rd.