Hi all.
Yesterday I took, as my period was late which I thought was due to the amount of stress. It showed positive within the first 30 seconds. My dilemma is I’m 40 this year, I have 13,12 and 10 year old children. This was not planned and been telling my partner to get the snip. He’s so happy about the news but I’m not. As selfish as it sounds I don’t want to be pregnant or have another child.
I don’t know what I’m asking for on here, maybe to hear from people who have been where I currently am.
UPDATE: I’d just like to say thank you to the ones who did comment their feelings on having been in similar experience. Yes it does help, hugely. It’s helped me see what is right for me to do.
Side note if people are annoyed by posts like this there’s no one forcing you to reply. Simply look at the other posts that don’t annoy you so much, it’s no big deal.
Thanks 😊
17 Replies
You can’t “tell” your partner to get the snip, you don’t have that right to dictate what someone else does with their body. If you didn’t want anymore children you should have had your tubes tied. You cannot blame your partner for this one
By tell him to get the snip it meant suggested.
The snip is a 5 minute procedure whilst tubes tied is major surgery.
Who said I was blaming him? It’s Boths fault.
But thanks for your helpful advice.
Different commenter....in fairness, there is a lot of other options besides getting your tubes tied that were available to the OP. No one needs to get their tubes if they don’t want more kids, a lot of other things on the market.
I’m 41, no way in hell I would have another baby.
Waiting for him to get the snip....and here you are 😂😂😂😂
These questions are asked weekly, no one can make this decision except you and your husband.
I know talk about silly🤦🏻♀️. I honestly felt like I was finished with my family. know that no one else can make my decision but it’s nice to hear from others who may have been through something similar.
Well ultimately this is your decision. This would be the worst time to be pregnant as women are not getting the proper care during pregnancy due to this pandemic. He may want to keep this baby but he's not the only risking his body and health to have the baby. I'm also guessing your partner is probably older as most men are the older one in the relationship, is he going to be able to handle a baby at his age? I feel for you but think you both really need to look at everything, good and bad, and figure out what is best for your family and health. Good luck.
I’ve been there. I was 38 and my partner didn’t want more he wanted me to get an abortion. I’m against that, so I kept the baby and got rid of him instead. Today, that baby is the best thing that’s ever happened to me. He’s in school, sweet and loving and gives amazing cuddles.
I had a little giggle at your heading and I'm sure you might get slammed by it from older Mums but I totally get how you feel, I'm nearly 40 with older kids too. A few years ago I fell pregnant unplanned, we were going to keep it but I really didn't have my heart there. I miscarried at 12 weeks and while I was very upset I also felt as though I just wasn't meant to have that baby, I think of the miserable life of the child and myself if we didnt bond, and there was a high chance of that considering I was so far out of the baby stage. If it happened again I would have a termination. You have also done nothing wrong asking your husband to get the snip, I ask my partner to get the snip all the time, I'm currently suffering through the mirena, I hate it and I have had severe depression for over a year and I think it's just keeping me down. I'm scared to get my tubes tied in case it fucks me up even more. It's ok to insist men do their part and get the snip x
Thank you, I’m glad you understand about the age thing and I can relate to your experience. I know it’s my choice alone in the end. But it’s reassuring to hear similar experiences.
These are the hardest decisions.
Personally I’d take a lot of factors in to account.
1. Is he a hands on dad and does he do his share of hard work parenting and housework?
2. What is both our physical and mental health?
3. Is our relationship healthy other than this issue?
4. What is our financial position?
5. How much do I really not want to do this? Is it I’m horrified, I can’t wait to get an abortion? Or is it I’m pissed off, but I can get through this?
Weigh them all up.
I think you should start by removing the old lady bit. It's offensive. I see someone said you might get slammed but it IS offensive.
Just as certain things are offensive to you.
You can only decide yourself what to do. A forum of random strangers can't help.
I never asked anyone to decide for me, just to hear from people who have experienced something similar.
It’s only offensive if you want it to be. I wanted to be and was done by the time I was 30 due to having elderly parents when I was born then the death of them when I was not even 10, so young. So at 39 I am old.
“I am”. I wouldn’t call anyone else it.
It’s a tuff one, I think you should weigh up the pros and cons. I have terminated in the past and would never do it again. If I was in your position I would keep the baby. The guilt just eats you up ( speaking from experience). Do what your heart says, goodluck xxx
Please let us know what you decide. Thinking of you Xx
I have terminated and I don't regret it at all. I was not in a position to bring another child into the world. Not everyone regrets it.
I think you’ve done the right thing for you and your family. Xx
I fell pregnant by suprise last year- in my late 30s. I was devastated. Cried for weeks, but I am a big believer in "meant to be". The guilt of terminating a life would eat at my soul, so we decided to go through with the pregnancy. In my situation We had no reason to terminate except convenience and fear of the unknown. The baby we had is amazing. A ball of perfection. Baby has brought joy and laughter and a stronger family bond. My older children are fabulous helpers and rush home from school to spend time with their little sibling. You decide what's right for you and yours, but my experience has been more joyful than I ever expected.
My mother once told me "you never regret the children you have"
I started early and am now 28. I couldn't imagine having any more.
Good luck with your decision.