Hi mums, I've been separated for over two years from a psychologically abusive husband. While I don't think he's a good role model, he has shared custody of our 6 yo boy. I know he says awful things about me and can be quite manipulative but there's nothing I can really do to stop him from seeing our son. I guess my issue is that while my son and I are very close, he often comes to my place and then wants to go back to his dad within a few hours, despite him saying his dad doesn't do much to spend quality time with him - they live out on our family home which is a big property (my ex refused to leave), which I know is more appealing to a child than a tiny rental. I also know his dad is a lot more lenient, letting him play Nintendo all day, no real bed time etc, where as I don't allow a lot of screen time and have a consistent (but not as fun) routine with him. I try so hard to come up with fun activities, and give him so much of my heart and never say anything bad about his father. It breaks my heart that he'd want to be with him more than me considering the abuse he put me through and knowing what kind of person he is. How do I deal with this emotionally? I know I just need to ride it out, but I guess I'm just after some reassurance that it's all going to be ok. I'm petrified he might end up hating me or turn into his father (though he's a very sweet, kind hearted boy now). Thank you in advance x
2 Replies
It’s not that he prefers being with your ex. It is that he misses the screen time freedom! Remember kids will emotionally manipulate us to get what they want. My son prefers his dad cause dad allows huge screen time and we are still married Hehe Put it in its box don’t make it personally... try to start something with him that is yours that you both enjoy.
Good luck mumma.
I think you just have to take some comfort in the fact that you are doing the right thing by your son.
He won't see it now but he will one day appreciate that you gave him boundaries, he'll appreciate the stability you offered, he'll appreciate you doing all the mundane things and he'll definitely appreciate you not talking crap about his dad.
You're setting a great example of kindness, humility and integrity. Your son will gain so much more from that in the long run than excessive amounts of screen time and "fun" parenting.