I'm stuck at a cross roads.
I live in a small town where there are few jobs and expensive rent.
I'm a full time single mum no father's support or CS. My daughter will be starting school next year
I havnt worked for 7 years and have moved back in with my mum. I'm studying but right now it's all on hold due to all this craziness right now.
I have only 3 weeks to go very close to finishing.
My corss roads.
I have 2 choices to stay in my town and try and find a job, I've tried for a long time to get job but with only one qualification and one more almost it's tough. I've only ever worked one job so I don't have any experience.
I can send my daughter to school here and then stay here to she is finished.
My family is here my mum, grandma and sisters etc. But I wouldn't say I would really stick around for them we arnt close. And a couple of friends. But I know my daughter will miss them I will to but we will visit.
Or I could move interstate down to my dad and his wife. Were the rent is crazy cheap there will be jobs, trains, many schools, walking distance to things. I've found 4 jobs this week that I could apply for none where I am now.
This move is promising, but this is my home here even though I never feel like it is. I've never felt grounded here just stuck because living with my mum is so easy, and my family and horse is here. And I'm becoming comfortable with that, which isn't the life I've ever wanted to live.
Packing up and moving is scary I've done it before but came home, I'm thinking this was a mistake because I'm not getting any where.
I will have to part ways with my horse of 11 years. My soul mate, just thinking about it I start to cry.
I have been to hell and back and to hell and back again. I know I'm strong enough, and my dad will help with my daughter (school drop offs and pick ups). But today my mum started to cry and say she will miss not being there for my daughters first day at school. I feel almost guilty making her miss out on that.
I feel like I just need a sign to make this move what ever it maybe. To stay in my town and maybe not be able to get a job, or have to try and get retail experience or to move where the jobs are endless in a really big town (105 000 people).
What is my daughter going to cope with. Will she be okay with finding a new home for our horse. And leaving her nanny and friends. Starting over and going to a school where she knows no one. Living in a house where it will be just us.
She's on the spectrum and has ADHD. So it could be a bad move or it could not I'm not sure.
I wish sometimes I could think of me and not what every one else thinks or who I am going to miss or upset by moving or staying.
I've been thinking about this for a while now and I can't decide my mind is all over the place.
I think what I'm asking is what would every one do in my shoes. Living with my mum isn't an option any more. Do I try and make a new life or do I stay and try and better my life here.
Sometimes I just wish I had a man by my side to help me with these decisions to decide on my childs life and to talk to about my thoughts.
3 Replies
You need to stop worrying about everyone else and make the decision that benefits you and your daughter. If moving means that you'll be able to find a job, have your own place and be financially independent then it sounds like a good move to me. You are better off moving before she starts school rather than in the middle of a year or after she has developed strong friendships and bonds with kids and teachers. Your mum needs to stop being selfish and start supporting you to make positive steps to improve your life. Yout daughters first day of school is only one day and should not even factor in to your decision making. As for your horse I can understand how hard that would be but if you can find a suitable home for it then maybe you can arrange to see it when you are back visiting?
If you wont start thinking of what is good for yourself you need to start thinking of your daughter- she will get far more out of seeing you succeed long term than she will from having grandma there on her first day of school or even having a horse as a pet. Good luck!!
It wasn’t that long ago you moved away from your dad to be with your mum.
Didn’t you like the removalist?
Then the guy with tattoos?
Then you didn’t like the boring guy?
Now you’re wanting to move again.
I feel like you’re always looking for solutions via people and places, instead of addressing your feelings of emptiness inside.
I don’t think the move will change anything for you, because it’s all internal.
Doesn’t your daughter have a team of therapist where you are?
Didn’t you just start the course, that guy sat close to you on the first day?
I thought you moved to your mums because where your dad lived was expensive?
You had problems living with your dad, I can’t remember what they were?
Does your abusive ex live there?
Whatever the problems you had there before, will still be there this time.
Your daughter needs stability, she hasn’t had that, so wherever you go, commit to it for the long term.
She’s starting school.
I also think you are being unrealistic about jobs.
I live in a town with 140000 people, there are jobs advertised, but it’s incredibly hard to get one with the competition.
I think if you approach businesses and get your name out there with family and friends, you have a better chance of getting a job in a small town or even one town over.
Everyone knows everyone and there is less competition.
I also think that rents are much cheaper where your mum lives, she is renting an acreage isn’t she for the horses? She is also on her own isn’t she?
I don’t believe rents are cheaper in a town with trains etc than a small town, it’s basic economics, I think that was just a fib so you get the answers you want.
I think you have a better chance of finding an affordable rental in your small town.
I think k you should give it a proper go where you are.
I think you also need counselling.