So to sum up how do I leave 11 years of marriage? 4 kids ages 4, 5, 8 & 9. Married for 7 years, house, cars, pets, debts etc We both work, he works away
My husband is a good provider, we have a good sex life, we’re good friends, we laugh and have good deep conversations. I tell him everything. Far from a perfect marriage but we have been through a lot together, death of family members, loss due to suicide, mental health issues, a child with disabilities etc always supported each other. Yes we fight like normal couples I do too much housework he does too little, there’s never enough money for everything etc etc
The biggest issue in our relationship is he is a compulsive liar. From little things like lying about brushing his teeth to lying about contact he has had with other women. He has in the early years made inappropriate comments to women and I found out. Did counselling etc I have never had proof of any physical cheating and any other women involved had always also been adamant that nothing physical has happened and all contact has ceased once I found out. A lot of the times it’s been purely friendship and no lines have been crossed in regards to the friendship just crossed by him lying to me about having been in contact with them. He says he doesn’t know why he does it, he loves me, he is a just a fuck up always has been, he just likes the attention etc He was completely ignored as a child by his parents and still is in many ways so I guess I have some understanding of why. He doesn’t really have any friends either. He has also done counselling to improve himself he just didn’t change after it.
Getting a bit long winded here and I guess it’s obvious that after 11 years he will always be a liar and I deserve better but I guess I just keep thinking I’ll loose everything, my best friend, the kids lives will entirely change, my entire future will change, everything that we built together.
When is enough enough, does the lying outweigh all the good parts of our marriage?? Is it enough to leave?
3 Replies
For me yes it would out weigh the good.. I’m an over thinker, so knowing that there is a possibility of being lied to every time he opens his mouth would drive me insane.
borderline personality disorder
When you get fed up and sick of it-
My spouse was like that too. Lied to me constantly- about the stupidest things - all the time- his “excuse” was that he didn’t want a fight.
I made it worse by enabling him for years because I didn’t want to fight or split up.
I finally had enough. It’s not the only reason I left but it was part of it .
If they lie about the little things- they’ll lie about the big stuff.
Don’t enable him and let him get away with even the smallest of lies.
If he doesn’t change- start making your exit plan when the kids are out of school.