Hi All, bear with me please.
My kids dad and I ( kids 4 and 5) have been separated for about 3 years. Things have not been smooth sailing. He has moved around (an hour and half away) he has lived close by (5 mins away) he has lived interstate (plane ride away) - I had to collect the kids from him.
Now, he has moved back, (an hour and half away) and is proposing to have the kids every second weekend. I have suggested he pick them from school on the Friday and drop them back to school on the Monday. However this has been met with backlash as he firmly believes that himself and the court would agree that I need to pull my weight and driving that far once every second weekend is not an issue for the sake of my kids.
Now, I would swim oceans for my kids, but in my opinion, I think it would be reasonable to ask him to have them Friday to Monday every second weekend as this avoids us seeing each other and as he is the one who moved away from our family base.
I am also wanting to draw up consent orders. However it is very pricey. As a single mum, although I work full time, the budget it tight. Can I do this myself?
I was advised by a lawyer not to sit mediation due to domestic violence as I would buckle under pressure basically. This was about a year ago.
Any help, constructive criticism, or advice will be helpful.
5 Replies
Personally think you share the driving either you drive them there and he drops them back etc it’s not your full responsibility or his either I think it’s a good compromise
I’d go through mediation. They will help you both come to an agreement that is fair. You can then pay to have them made into court orders.
I think he needs reminding that you do things for the kids 24/7 for, as he proposes, 11 out of 14 days a fortnight and when in his care it is his responsibility to get them where they need to be.
But truthfully, what I would actually do is say I disagree and you can take it or leave it or take it to court and see. You stay strong and do what's best for you. Take each step as it comes. Would you be getting the orders updated to include the changed agreement due to changed circumstance?
Do you have orders? If not, tell him you can't send them until that's organised and he needs to sort it out, switched his position around doesn't it.
I would give him these options
1. He can do the driving both Fri and Monday (he moved away); or
2. He can pick them up Friday and you will meet him half way Sun arvo
Remind him that you have to do everything for them 12 days a fortnight and work full time so he still gets a better deal in terms of hard work involved!
Not really fair on the kids who get no choice though... it affects them the most, why should they have to be travelling an extra hour and a half on a Monday morning to get to school?
Yeah Mum has to do more, but there are many other parents out there doing it completely on their own 24/7 with no break, no other parent to pick up the slack or take them for a weekend.
They need to stop playing tit for tat with each other, stop trying to make each other’s lives harder and start putting the kids needs first.