My husband and I have been together 11 years, married 7, We have 1 almost 6yo son and for the past 3 to 4 years I have happily stated that we are a one and done family. I love my son more than life itself but times have been tough. We are self employed, which at times is fantastic but also bloody hard as money can be difficult and often is. My son also has a lot of learning delays and has been diagnosed with ASD Level 1. We currently attend 3 therapy sessions per week and he is making such good progress, he started school this year and is adjusting so well to his new routine. Our house runs as my son requires it to for life to be a little bit easier for him, this is a huge part of what puts me off. With a second child we wouldn't be able to do that as much as the household also needs to accommodate another child. I am in no way put off at the potential of having another child on the spectrum as this is just a part of who our beautiful son is and it does not define him. Family wise we have no support there (my son rarely sees his grandparents on both sides despite living close, their call) which is fine as we have always stated we chose to make a family and we deal with it accordingly. Both my husband and I have siblings but do not see any of them very regularly apart from 1 of my brothers and 1 sister but I feel guilty that my son will never have that sibling to always have someone there as.my husband and I do as even though were not close to our siblings if something happens they are always there. I know we're not too old yet (I'm 31 and hubby is 37) but I want to decide before we are. I am quite overweight and had GD with my son and will definitely be classed as a high risk pregnancy this time too. Help, how did you know you were definitely done?? Once you decided you were done did you still occasionally feel clucky? Will I ever really know.
How to know if I am a one and done mum or do I want more??
How to know if I am a one and done mum or do I want more??
Posted in:
Relationships & Marriage, Pregnancy, Kids, Aspergers & Autism
7 Replies
no matter how many you have or don’t have and no matter how “done” you are, I don’t think the clucky every goes away
Oh yes it does.
It’s 100% gone for me 😆
Absolutely, I used to get clucky. Nowadays, just at the thought of having another baby I can practically feel my ovaries pack their suitcases and vacate the premises 😂
I am a mum on one (son 16) and had quite a difficult pregnancy resulting in him being born 6 weeks early. As soon as I held him in my arms I knew he would be my one and only and I have never yearned for another. He has never wished for a sibling/s and even as he moves into adulthood he has no issues with being an only child. I was able to be a sahm until he started high school which I could never of done if we had more. I love being a mum but don’t regret not having more. I was the clucky type before I had him but I now have no interest in other people’s babies.
The fact you are questioning means you are quite sure to say definitely you don’t want another. It may be a benefit to your son if you have another one and don’t leave it too much longer if you do. I had 3 and knew I was done after 3. I felt complete. It may help your son in so many ways having a sibling and won’t feel so alone as he is older and goes through life.i love the gift of a sibling for my kids. The joy it brought to their lives each time they got a sibling was beautiful. They have grown up together so close and have each other and have such a beautiful bond. I would just suggest don’t put it off any longer if you think there is a chance you want another one. One the age gap for your little boy and 2 it gets harder as you get older. Do it sooner rather than later. With your sons struggles. This may just be the special lift precious gift in his life that he needs. He will always have a friend to confide in and someone to play with.
I can only speak from my experience. My sister has 2 kids with ASD & a large age gap. The first child's behaviour went spiralling out of control when the baby was born - all the changed routine, crying and normal baby noises triggered him. Now they are both older they trigger each other. Her house is a living nightmare- the kids fight like animals and it's a constant battle. She loves her kids, but it is not a life anyone would chose. They are too out of control for her to feel comfortable asking for help.