Weird I know, but I've always thought a congratulations is In order when a parent celebrates their child's birthday. Kind of like a pat on the back for making it this far, a way to say you've done a good job etc.
So.. it's my step daughters 18th birthday in 2 weeks and I won't lie her mother has done that vast majority of raising this child for the past 10yrs! I want to send her mother a bunch of flowers with a quick note saying good job (obviously with a bit more thought put into the wording)
Is this too weird? I'm worried it will be taken the wrong way, I don't know how but I'm thinking it would be about the fact that ex hasn't had a lot to do with raising the child but now that she's 18 wants to say thanks for doing all the hard work. (There are reasons for his "lack" of involvement that I don't believe need to be added to this, in saying that both parents do get along amicably!)
Thoughts on this would be appreciated.
4 Replies
I think it's lovely. To say congratulations and you've done an awesome job, she's awesome. It will be a huge day for her, not weird at all, although the daughter is going to assume it's for her when flowers arrive at her house on her birthday.
This
I actually think the reasons for his lack of involvement are relevant because to me it relates to how this gesture (however well intended) may be received.
If for example his limited involvement was somewhere along the lines of working away to provide financially for his daughter or perhaps a medical reason prevented his involvement - those sort of things. Then I'd say go ahead and send them with a meaningful note, I would definitely appreciate the acknowledgement in that scenario.
If it was more along the lines of prioritising his career or simply deciding that co-parenting or parenting in general was all too hard so he pulled back - Then I personally wouldn't send them because I know from being in that situation the whole thing would frankly just rub me the wrong way. I wouldn't want to feel that way on my child's 18th.
In general though, I think it's really lovely.
Although I understand where your coming from unless ya gal pals i would leave it. Sure, send a bunch of flowers with the main focus on being "happy 18th" and also include a well done mumma line, Plus your pressie for the 18th. If you get to chat to her over the celebrations maybe you could also mention "good job". But a separate 'present' I wouldn't be keen on. Have a cheers if the moment brings it.