Please mums, I need some kindness. I’m 33 and a mum of two beautiful kids. My husband and I have been together around 8 years and it hasn’t always been smooth sailing but we get through, or always have until recently when things have gotten hard again. I’m on the pill but recently have been feeling nauseous and fatigued with sore breasts... I took a test just to rule out pregnancy and was hit with a BFP. I’m terrified. I’ve always wanted three but became very sick after the birth of my second and we decided we couldn’t risk it again. I’m on the pill so I don’t know what happened. I feel like my heart is already broken. I haven’t told my husband, I’m so scared. I already know his answer: termination or he’ll leave. I’m certain of it. We’ve been in counselling lately and all he ever wants to do is leave. I don’t know what I want to do or what is the right thing to do. My question is, has anyone ever had a third baby alone with two other kids? I won’t have family support. If I get sick again I don’t know what will happen to my kids if I need to go into hospital. It seems like the only option I have is to have an abortion but my heart is shattered by the thought. I don’t know what to do.
8 Replies
I have no advice but can empathise.
If he does decide to leave I’m sure he’ll still be there to help if you do end up in hospital.
I have children and then found out that I was pregnant again, but the dad to be had ended the relationship a few weeks before. So I was worried about what to do. I decided that I can do it by myself even though it was extremely hard initially. Also that I didn’t need him. In the end he’s promised to be the best dad he can be to this child.
Mine said the same, I was bullied into termination. He left anyway.
Make the choice only considering your feelings and needs. In the end you carry the burden, whether it be mental or physical. With #3 or without.
Assume you will be alone and make the call with this in mind.
Best of luck. It's a tough time for you :/
Terminate the marriage not your baby. He sounds like a jerk.
What kind of man says terminate or he’ll leave?
Yes very similar situation. He never said get rid of the baby/pregnancy but made it very clear he did not want it. We separated early in the pregnancy and it was the most joyful pregnancy out of the 3 I had. He came for the birth which was nice. At just 2 weeks old my child got very sick and spent 9 days in intensive care and almost died multiple times. He did step up and look after the other 2 children as I had to stay with her at the hospital which was over an hour away from my home. The 12 months following this my child had multiple hospital appointments to monitor her health due to the illness and I did this all on my own. Don’t regret a thing. I am stronger and happier than ever. You can do anything believe in yourself. I would not change a thing. Good luck xxx
Firstly if he tells you to abort or leave then dump his ass.. what a guy.!! Keep the baby and have an extra family member to love and grow with. Don’t have an abortion if it will shatter you heart. There is help out there for people in your situation and your kid wife will organise it. please don’t have an abortion because he wants you to. You are the one that has to live with that for the rest of your life. Just because you were sick with the last, doesn’t mean you will this time. Get it confirmed and book an appointment with the dr and midwife and social worker. You husband sounds like a selfish prick!
Keep the baby and get rid of the big baby.!! He sounds like a selfish pig!
I've been there. Make sure you put yourself first. Work out what you want & can live with. I was in a similar situation, except when I actually told hubby he said he would leave if I had the baby and went absolutely crazily nuts. He coerced me into abortion and I do regret it to this day. It's tough. ((Hugs)) to you. Do what is best for YOU only. Do not let hubby's threats coerce you either way.
I think you have already made that decision, and I believe it’s the right one. No one should give an ultimatum of either a baby or them.
However it is a really tough situation as it is sometimes unfair on men that truely don’t want a child but don’t have a say. Please remember though, it takes two to make a baby. He could have had the snip or wore condoms..... he absolutely DOES NOT have the right to give you an ultimatum like that.
If it comes down to it, you’ll be able to do it alone, no doubt. It may seem scary now, but you’ll be surprised what you can do when you need to.